(no subject)
Sweet Jesus all Mighty! So busy, so much shit, no time to function properly, bedtime moved up by about 4 hours, don't see any of my friend during the week, miss sleeping till 2pm and miss seeing my sisters. Yeah I started working this Monday after a somewhat great weekend. Rascal Flatts was the shit even though I realized that I am so over high school and soooo far away from people that were once my "friends" because they like drama even though they complain about it and act like white trash. I saw Di di and Odis there and had a great time with them and Steves and Tina and Jake lol what a Cowboy! I have pictures but I have no time to load them. Work is good so far. I like the kids Faith and Josh. Faith is a fucking genius for 2 years old which is good and bad. Her being so independent makes my job easy cause she loves to play by herself. I think she likes me so far. Josh is breeze too. He goes to school all day. I just wait for him to get home, change his diaper, feed him and put him in bed. I wouldn't be soo exhausted if I
1. didn't have to wake up at 6am Monday through Friday and
2. didn't have fucking class all night Monday through Thursday. But it is almost over. I don't want to go back to school. I don't want to get a job I don't want anything. I have been having some real issues with life lately and I don't know why. Today I cried and cried for no reason and just felt dead on the inside like my life is so meaningless. I guess other people feel the same way at this age. I mean I'm 19, I'm not a mother, I'm not a wife, I don't have a full time mandatory job, I don't have a house/apartment and I can enjoy simple pleasures without feeling stressed all the time. But thats not how I feel. I feel like I need one or more of these things to happen for me to be happy in life. I don't want to be a mother, I would like to be a wife but I want a really super wedding, I would like a full time job and not have to worry about school, I would like my own house or apartment with Paul and I still want to enjoy my life. I don't know, when I think about Fall and how hard it is going to be I usually start to cry a lot. Man I sound like a nut job. Kara you are FUCKING CRAZY!
Sorry.....
1. didn't have to wake up at 6am Monday through Friday and
2. didn't have fucking class all night Monday through Thursday. But it is almost over. I don't want to go back to school. I don't want to get a job I don't want anything. I have been having some real issues with life lately and I don't know why. Today I cried and cried for no reason and just felt dead on the inside like my life is so meaningless. I guess other people feel the same way at this age. I mean I'm 19, I'm not a mother, I'm not a wife, I don't have a full time mandatory job, I don't have a house/apartment and I can enjoy simple pleasures without feeling stressed all the time. But thats not how I feel. I feel like I need one or more of these things to happen for me to be happy in life. I don't want to be a mother, I would like to be a wife but I want a really super wedding, I would like a full time job and not have to worry about school, I would like my own house or apartment with Paul and I still want to enjoy my life. I don't know, when I think about Fall and how hard it is going to be I usually start to cry a lot. Man I sound like a nut job. Kara you are FUCKING CRAZY!
Sorry.....