TRADING TOUCH FOR TIME THE CAMERA CAPTURES ALL IT'S OVER NOW
just encountered STRANGER THAN FICTION on vcd which is due 23 april 2007/mon. talk about my laziness in returning stuff. well, anyway, it was an amazingly written story which made me think:
what if my life is being written at this point by a chain-smoker eccentric cruella de vil look-a-like tragedy writer? how brilliant or how bad will my death be?
what if as i am writing this shit, somebody writes the same thing in some alternative universe and pauses for a while to rub the right eye (which i just did) and typed it down and then paused again (i just did), yawned and then rubbed the left eye naman. (and so on...) it feels creepy. i know, right? the fact that i never enjoyed being the center of a discussion (center of attention? yes, quite loving it ;p) makes it sensible that i kill the writer before s/he kills me.
oh, i'm so threatening you! you, chain-smoker eccentric cruella de vil look-a-like tragedy writer who is currently trespassing on my life.
wait. come to think of it: every life is a tragedy. we all die. the difference maybe on the manner of our death - this makes it less tragic. if we die of an accident, an assassination, or something more unimaginable - we define it as tragic, in the ultimate sense. if we die of let's say, cancer, a disease or by saving somebody else - we define it as god's plan. tragic too but you know the word "god" answers it all.
* * *
my youngest sister has been bugging me. fix your photo portfolio. eeeeeeeeeccccccchhhhhh. tinatamad akong mag-gather e.
* * *
recently, i've been keeping myself away from other people (well, other than my family) because of a great letdown i really do not want to talk about.
while i was staring at the ceiling this morning, i recalled signing something i gave away with "the brightest little firefly in your jar." (yes, the copeland brightest line. firefly. firefly. firefly.) pause. wait. quite a relevant term ha. see, his latest thing had something to do with fireflies. i was also thinking of fireflies (in the Korean film, The Classic) when i saw it. i've been listening to BRIGHTEST since last week. no, make that last last week and i asked him to listen to BRIGHTEST, or else, yes i threatened to hang him.
going back. firefly - alitaptap in filipino. when i was young, my mom, my younger sister and i travelled off to boracay on an unlikely season (think it was a september basta there was school and then we had to absent for days...or weeks. i dont remember. my parents dont really want to recall it) my dad followed us some days later. (i think my parents were in some domestic drama semi-separation shit they often had when i was a kid at that time that mom had to bring us in some farland paradise for some, well, peace of mind - which, as a kid, we never really needed or even wondered about.)
anyway. i remember a night when my mom and i hanged out on the bar of the resort we were staying in (yeah, my mom's a pretty good influence, huh. kaya dont question my acts - it's in the blood *winkwink*) fortunately, the bar didn't look too boring for moi as i made friends with this german boy of my age (at that time ha!) who was holding a firefly by his left hand when we spoke. (ohthankgod toddler trained me in english.) the boy's the resort owner's son. he told me that the firefly is his pet. he asked me what's it called in filipino (yes! i knew alitaptap!) he said that he releases it before he goes off to slumberland and he catches it back on sunset. (that's what we call commensalismÜ) of course i cannot tell if it is the SAME firefly, you know everything made sense when we were kids. we never questioned existence. we were merely happy by the fact that things are there - present. i believed the boy.
i believe that things would come back when we lose it, sometimes we don't have to look for it. just like the firefly. hey! dad came for us!
do fireflies represent return and not exchange policies? well. if i signed something wording "firefly," does it mean i'll be coming back?
if i signed as "the brightest little firefly in your jar," it means i'm just here. not "coming back" because i'm never gone. in the day (or in your version of "day," you live a very OWLy kind of life), however, you never realize my presence. the light is for the night, when you don't need it because, well, you're off to sleep and lights are kinds of irritating when you are aware that your eyelids are heavy to drop off and touch your cheeks.
oh you. i hope you keep me as that firefly. it is alright with me if i'm not the brightest, if i'm the tiniest or if my jar's too small. it doesn't matter as long as you keep me and remember me every once in a while. i loved you so much and i think i'll always do. somehow, you made me feel special and that's something other catchers had failed to do; thank you. like a firefly, i don't have a power to keep you; i cannot even grasp you. i stay on my locale while you can go anywhere. you cannot take me with you, you are not a three-year-old kid who's keeping a firefly along with four other imaginary friends in his backpack. like a firefly, i will be here to accompany you in dark times, but of course you'll call up your human friends but i'm saying just in case. just in case, you know.
like the firefly the german boy owned, i'll be returning to you. you sit there by the bar, bored and waiting - that's my cue. but if you return to germany, it maybe goodbye for us. if that happens, i hope you fall in love with boracay and decide you'd come back. you'd remember our rendezvous, i maybe late but i'll be there.
this firefly's drifting off to some place called here. she's alright now.
what if my life is being written at this point by a chain-smoker eccentric cruella de vil look-a-like tragedy writer? how brilliant or how bad will my death be?
what if as i am writing this shit, somebody writes the same thing in some alternative universe and pauses for a while to rub the right eye (which i just did) and typed it down and then paused again (i just did), yawned and then rubbed the left eye naman. (and so on...) it feels creepy. i know, right? the fact that i never enjoyed being the center of a discussion (center of attention? yes, quite loving it ;p) makes it sensible that i kill the writer before s/he kills me.
oh, i'm so threatening you! you, chain-smoker eccentric cruella de vil look-a-like tragedy writer who is currently trespassing on my life.
wait. come to think of it: every life is a tragedy. we all die. the difference maybe on the manner of our death - this makes it less tragic. if we die of an accident, an assassination, or something more unimaginable - we define it as tragic, in the ultimate sense. if we die of let's say, cancer, a disease or by saving somebody else - we define it as god's plan. tragic too but you know the word "god" answers it all.
* * *
my youngest sister has been bugging me. fix your photo portfolio. eeeeeeeeeccccccchhhhhh. tinatamad akong mag-gather e.
* * *
recently, i've been keeping myself away from other people (well, other than my family) because of a great letdown i really do not want to talk about.
while i was staring at the ceiling this morning, i recalled signing something i gave away with "the brightest little firefly in your jar." (yes, the copeland brightest line. firefly. firefly. firefly.) pause. wait. quite a relevant term ha. see, his latest thing had something to do with fireflies. i was also thinking of fireflies (in the Korean film, The Classic) when i saw it. i've been listening to BRIGHTEST since last week. no, make that last last week and i asked him to listen to BRIGHTEST, or else, yes i threatened to hang him.
going back. firefly - alitaptap in filipino. when i was young, my mom, my younger sister and i travelled off to boracay on an unlikely season (think it was a september basta there was school and then we had to absent for days...or weeks. i dont remember. my parents dont really want to recall it) my dad followed us some days later. (i think my parents were in some domestic drama semi-separation shit they often had when i was a kid at that time that mom had to bring us in some farland paradise for some, well, peace of mind - which, as a kid, we never really needed or even wondered about.)
anyway. i remember a night when my mom and i hanged out on the bar of the resort we were staying in (yeah, my mom's a pretty good influence, huh. kaya dont question my acts - it's in the blood *winkwink*) fortunately, the bar didn't look too boring for moi as i made friends with this german boy of my age (at that time ha!) who was holding a firefly by his left hand when we spoke. (ohthankgod toddler trained me in english.) the boy's the resort owner's son. he told me that the firefly is his pet. he asked me what's it called in filipino (yes! i knew alitaptap!) he said that he releases it before he goes off to slumberland and he catches it back on sunset. (that's what we call commensalismÜ) of course i cannot tell if it is the SAME firefly, you know everything made sense when we were kids. we never questioned existence. we were merely happy by the fact that things are there - present. i believed the boy.
i believe that things would come back when we lose it, sometimes we don't have to look for it. just like the firefly. hey! dad came for us!
do fireflies represent return and not exchange policies? well. if i signed something wording "firefly," does it mean i'll be coming back?
if i signed as "the brightest little firefly in your jar," it means i'm just here. not "coming back" because i'm never gone. in the day (or in your version of "day," you live a very OWLy kind of life), however, you never realize my presence. the light is for the night, when you don't need it because, well, you're off to sleep and lights are kinds of irritating when you are aware that your eyelids are heavy to drop off and touch your cheeks.
oh you. i hope you keep me as that firefly. it is alright with me if i'm not the brightest, if i'm the tiniest or if my jar's too small. it doesn't matter as long as you keep me and remember me every once in a while. i loved you so much and i think i'll always do. somehow, you made me feel special and that's something other catchers had failed to do; thank you. like a firefly, i don't have a power to keep you; i cannot even grasp you. i stay on my locale while you can go anywhere. you cannot take me with you, you are not a three-year-old kid who's keeping a firefly along with four other imaginary friends in his backpack. like a firefly, i will be here to accompany you in dark times, but of course you'll call up your human friends but i'm saying just in case. just in case, you know.
like the firefly the german boy owned, i'll be returning to you. you sit there by the bar, bored and waiting - that's my cue. but if you return to germany, it maybe goodbye for us. if that happens, i hope you fall in love with boracay and decide you'd come back. you'd remember our rendezvous, i maybe late but i'll be there.
this firefly's drifting off to some place called here. she's alright now.