in case you ever look
brian, i miss you like hel. i keep wondering about you. how are you? where are you? are you working?
i wish i could have brought you with me. i wish i had given you permanant ways to contact me instead. i really do love you so much. i suppose maybe i'll get over this in three or four years, like last time, but right now i can't sleep at night for thinking of you. i'm so glad i have so many memories from last summer, though. it's so nice to be able to see you smile and hear you sing whenever i want. if those memories are the last i'll ever have of you, then i'm glad they're so wonderful.
i hope, though, someday i'll find you again, someday you'll stick around. i only told you to stop calling so that would be the last time you left. i hate it when you go. i enjoyed you being around so much, and i made every moment count as much as i could, so when you were gone again i'd still have them all. i knew it would happen, but for some reason that didn't stop it from hurting as much as ever. that's why it had to be the last time.
i wish i had said what i really meant. what i really meant was, don't call me or look me up again unless you are going to stay around. i really can't have you leaving again, but you are more than welcome to keep in touch if you are going to stay in touch.
i will have this email for an indefinite amount of time, and if it ever changes, i will update the information on my journal. if you still have my last cell phone number, you can leave me a voice mail. i think i'm going to try to reach you soon. it's driving me mad not knowing if you're okay.
i wish i could have brought you with me. i wish i had given you permanant ways to contact me instead. i really do love you so much. i suppose maybe i'll get over this in three or four years, like last time, but right now i can't sleep at night for thinking of you. i'm so glad i have so many memories from last summer, though. it's so nice to be able to see you smile and hear you sing whenever i want. if those memories are the last i'll ever have of you, then i'm glad they're so wonderful.
i hope, though, someday i'll find you again, someday you'll stick around. i only told you to stop calling so that would be the last time you left. i hate it when you go. i enjoyed you being around so much, and i made every moment count as much as i could, so when you were gone again i'd still have them all. i knew it would happen, but for some reason that didn't stop it from hurting as much as ever. that's why it had to be the last time.
i wish i had said what i really meant. what i really meant was, don't call me or look me up again unless you are going to stay around. i really can't have you leaving again, but you are more than welcome to keep in touch if you are going to stay in touch.
i will have this email for an indefinite amount of time, and if it ever changes, i will update the information on my journal. if you still have my last cell phone number, you can leave me a voice mail. i think i'm going to try to reach you soon. it's driving me mad not knowing if you're okay.