(no subject)
Happy New Year XD
I spent my new year in Florida with the marching band. It was sort of lame. But I also had some great times. Just lyiing in the grass with best friends is something I really needed. I lost that along the way somewhere. I'm glad that this experience made me come down to earth a little bit.
I realized there are a few core people who do certain things in my life. They almost keep the balance in a way which is why it has been impossible to dismiss any of them in the past when it would have made sense.
Amanda keeps me fun. When I'm with her I do things I wouldn't do with anyone else. I get crazy and spontaneous. I let the me that I love shine through. I need that. Left on my own I get up tight and I worry and boring. Amanda helps me to let go off what holds me back.
Meghan gives me understanding. When I turn to Meghan she gets it. She knows ec\xcatly what I mean even if I say it the worng way and she can tell me exactly what need to hear which is saying alot. I don't know how but she gets me. She honestly understands me and I need that. It lets me know that I'm not a complete outcast. There's someone out there who will always understand what I mean even if I don't say it.
Crystal is my support. In a way she is a mix of Amanda and Meghan. When I've made a decission she may not always tell me it's the best one but she will always have my back. That helps me breathe sometimes. She is someone who if I'm falling apart she will sit there and put me back together and will hold me togerher until the glue dries. I don't always appreciate that as much as I should. At the same time she's not afriad to hurt my feelings. Although she will tell you she says absolutely anything and everything I think that inside she knows how far she can push me before I fall off the edge and never tries to go past that. I'm very fragile and sensitive and it shows and naturally people often feel the need to protect me and shelter me. She's one of the only people who I've ever encountered that tries to protect me in the right way. If someone else is hurting me she will defend me but at the same time she lets me handle things my way. I always know in the back of my mind that there's someone who cares about me and I take comfort in the fact that she'll be there.
Danny. Its is really hard to throw a single word on this like the other three just because he is some much to me. First and foremost he is a best friend. He listens when I talk. I cares about what I have to say even if it's stupid. He makes me laugh. He's always around when i need him and he'll usually make whatever I want happen. But after all that he is also my boyfriend. He loves me. He treats me like a princess even though I don't feel I deserve it and he doesn't plan to stop until I believe it. Our connection runs so deep that I couldn't ever see myself without him or him without me. I'm usually better at writing than thinking but lately I can't put down to paper what I think and feel about Danny. Deep down I know that he's always looking for my best interest and if that ever meant us being apart I have no doubt that he would leave. That takes a lot of courage and love. I need him in order to be okay. This paragraph doesn't so him justice but i just can't find the right words tonight.
This are sorta messed up in a lot of these relationships at the moment but i have to fix them. I finally realized how much I need them all.