days and daze

[watermelon_chic]

today things are slightly sparkly around the edges and it feels like something is dancing just on the edge of my vision. I want to catch this almostfeeling and bottle it for the days where it isn't so bright (although there are less lately, in some ways thats a curse because they are worse when they come). i'm still not feeling one hundred percent

Comments

[she_universe]

'side from the fact that i understand almostfeeling and bottles and captures and evasions and the slippingawayness tightening somewhere that isn't your heart but your chest with clarity, i like the words you use which really means i want to soak them up and compress and spin them around and reuse because that's what your writing and thoughts always make me want which is more like stealing than inspiring, so i don't. except with your poems and the ideas you graciously lend me.

and SPARKLY SHINING COLLECTION of words i like and store in the bottommost draw of my desk.

(and the family bond is a tenacious thing, really, if you're concerned)

[watermelon_chic]

i read your comments and i feel all bashful and warm inside and i never know what to say to tell you that i love the way you make my words seem - fuller and more plump - and meaning more than i could ever hope.

and the slippingawayness tightening has to be one of the most achingly desired and loathed feelings. but it makes me feel real. and sometimes we have to remember we are human.

thank you precious

[she_universe]

I'm just recycling your words, m'dear--blame the sparkliness of it all on yourself.

sometimes feeling human is awful, though, which is why my sociopathic characters have t easy i guess. it's shameless to refer to my own writing as an example, but i'm an egoist that way, which is why i love creating the tighteningchestcan'tbreathecan'tfeelcan'tcry myself through fiction and sorts, and, since i'm rather cynical, recreate it by reading fiction. sometimes i think that feeling is completely unreal and written in as prose by writers to make up for what humanity lacks.

(the thanking must all be reflected back to you because you're brilliant and clever and i'm just a groveling incarnation of narcissus)

[watermelon_chic]

humanity lacks a lot. but i think fiction exists to both inspire us to be somewhere we aren't (whether in our heads or with our feet) and to reflect the world around the author.

so maybe 50/50. or 70/30. the job of fiction is that the characters are always bigger, more colourful and more ..... i don't have a word.... everything.

... and we know we'll never be that.

(*blushes* but it can't all be reflected back. and I don't like you grovelling Missy! Get up right now!)

[she_universe]

ooh, you are the optimist! i prefer to think that ficiton is a recession, even, from reality, which is ironic given the idea of "existentialist/postmodernist fiction"

it almost makes me laugh, but then i remember how totally dorky that would be.

fiction is scary because it is so big and painful and beautiful and sometimes because it makes more sense than the real world that you get lost and one day you won't escape and that's really really scary. it's waking up in a place far better but far far away and really just a dream in the sense that you can pick it up and put it down but it ends and but reality keeps on going. and sometimes you think you're fiction and you aren't but this is kay speaking, really, i'm quite sane.

(mostly?)

(reflection! for sure! i might as well pin a mirror to my forehead to laud the genius properly!)

[watermelon_chic]

i want to say something, but i don't know what.

that is beautiful and aching and true and anything i say would just be repeating it but in far less eloquent words.

but i agree so much with that paragraph.

yes. and stuff.

[she_universe]

if i reply to this again i think we'll have a record. which is not a bad thing.

so yes, and stuff.

(gneh, i love you. it needed to be said.)