(no subject)
I don't know how much longer I can keep up my positive attitude. I'm feeling pretty crappy right now.
I've been working 7 days a week since the middle of November (minus thanksgiving, christmas eve, christmas, new year's eve, and Jan. 24th), and from July to mid-november I was working 6 days a week regularly, sometimes 7. Mid-november is when I started as a curatorial intern at the Crocker Art Museum, which has been fun, and I've been getting a lot of good experience, and a lot of good feedback from people.
They've even hired me, part-time, temporarily (through october), as an "art handler" but I'll really be mostly working with the registrar.
However, the hope was always that they'd find some funding for another position in the curatorial department, since I know that they want to expand all their departments (because they're expanding the museum by 150,000 square feet).
And today I find out that they've hired a new (temporary, I think) curatorial assistant.
And it's like being punched in the stomach.
I know that I have no idea the circumstances. Maybe the museum director, or one of the curators, has had someone in mind for months, who they've known for years. Maybe it's an intern who was with them for a year, and just happened to leave several months before a position opened...
But I want to scream, why not me? Why couldn't I at least submit an application? Why couldn't you at least talk to me? Aren't government sponsored institutions required to post jobs online for a certain amount of time, even if they have no intention of hiring any of those applicants because they already have someone in mind? I've been checking their jobs website every other day for months. I just want someone to tell me why I wasn't even considered, or given the slightest bit of a chance.
I'm still happy for the paid work experience I'm going to get helping them organize and install the new space, but this has pretty much killed any hope I once had of a more long-term, and/or curatorial position.
And that pretty much means that all of my work in sacramento has been for naught, and I need to move somewhere else, and establish a base of connections all over again.
I don't know what to do, I'm so tired. But giving up is not an option. I can't imagine myself happy doing anything else. Every once in a while my mom tells me that I need to just think about the vague possibility that I might have to eventually, for survivals sake, do something more practical. But that thought stabs me in the heart, because there is nothing else, every other interest I've had in my life is like a blip compared to the intensity and the duration of my love of art--it's how I attempt to sate my curiosity about life and the world and people, and it's how I nurture every fun, interesting, vibrant, and good thing about me. I don't want to know myself having it relegated to a 'hobby.'
And I don't want this economy to negatively affect the REST of my life. I just have to work more, get more experience....and wait.
On the plus side, my manager at work loves me (because I'm an amazing worker, why can't I communicate this in job applications?), and will let me go part time at will when I start with the registrarial stuff at the museum, and then go full time again when it's done. He said he wants me working there for as long as I want to be there, and as many hours a week as I want to be there. If only that job were enough for me.
I've been working 7 days a week since the middle of November (minus thanksgiving, christmas eve, christmas, new year's eve, and Jan. 24th), and from July to mid-november I was working 6 days a week regularly, sometimes 7. Mid-november is when I started as a curatorial intern at the Crocker Art Museum, which has been fun, and I've been getting a lot of good experience, and a lot of good feedback from people.
They've even hired me, part-time, temporarily (through october), as an "art handler" but I'll really be mostly working with the registrar.
However, the hope was always that they'd find some funding for another position in the curatorial department, since I know that they want to expand all their departments (because they're expanding the museum by 150,000 square feet).
And today I find out that they've hired a new (temporary, I think) curatorial assistant.
And it's like being punched in the stomach.
I know that I have no idea the circumstances. Maybe the museum director, or one of the curators, has had someone in mind for months, who they've known for years. Maybe it's an intern who was with them for a year, and just happened to leave several months before a position opened...
But I want to scream, why not me? Why couldn't I at least submit an application? Why couldn't you at least talk to me? Aren't government sponsored institutions required to post jobs online for a certain amount of time, even if they have no intention of hiring any of those applicants because they already have someone in mind? I've been checking their jobs website every other day for months. I just want someone to tell me why I wasn't even considered, or given the slightest bit of a chance.
I'm still happy for the paid work experience I'm going to get helping them organize and install the new space, but this has pretty much killed any hope I once had of a more long-term, and/or curatorial position.
And that pretty much means that all of my work in sacramento has been for naught, and I need to move somewhere else, and establish a base of connections all over again.
I don't know what to do, I'm so tired. But giving up is not an option. I can't imagine myself happy doing anything else. Every once in a while my mom tells me that I need to just think about the vague possibility that I might have to eventually, for survivals sake, do something more practical. But that thought stabs me in the heart, because there is nothing else, every other interest I've had in my life is like a blip compared to the intensity and the duration of my love of art--it's how I attempt to sate my curiosity about life and the world and people, and it's how I nurture every fun, interesting, vibrant, and good thing about me. I don't want to know myself having it relegated to a 'hobby.'
And I don't want this economy to negatively affect the REST of my life. I just have to work more, get more experience....and wait.
On the plus side, my manager at work loves me (because I'm an amazing worker, why can't I communicate this in job applications?), and will let me go part time at will when I start with the registrarial stuff at the museum, and then go full time again when it's done. He said he wants me working there for as long as I want to be there, and as many hours a week as I want to be there. If only that job were enough for me.