Lots of thoughts lately
I love that Scott will listen to me when I am having an attack of worry or depression, or just a fit of sadness. Even if it's over nothing at all. I love that he tries to be consistent. He's amazing when he's determined. His love for me is the most unconditional I have ever experienced. (Romantically.) He really expects nothing from me, and gives me everything.
Just thought I'd say that even after 6 years he's surprising me and winning me over every day.
The things us ladies do I've recently spent over 120$ in product from Aveda (+2 tubes of Burt's Blemish Stick at about 8$ each-I went through the first one fast) to improve my skin. I plan on spending about 30$ more. Keep in mind this is ongoing purchases over a few months.
What I got:
Tourmaline Masque (29$)
Sensitive Cleanser (20$)(9$ TS)
Sensitive Toner (18$)(8$ TS)
Sensitive Moisturizer (9$ TS)
Make-up Remover (15$)
Face Shammy (9$)
*TS denotes Travel Sized, which I bought to try out
*These are estimates
What I want:
Tourmaline Charged Creme (for twice-a-week treatments)
Full-Sized Moisturizer
I now know that I have some form of dermatitis but cannot afford to go to the doctor to get actual diagnosis and treatment. However, the sensitive line from Aveda has helped me out wonders. My face is not dry and itchy anymore, and I don't have the dark lines under my eyes I did before. I still get pimples, but they are very superficial, and not painful, and heal quickly. This is nice. Unfortunately this does not fix the years of scarring my face has collected, but now at least it can heal.
If I can find something good enough I might even switch to something similar for hair care due to my seborrhea. Ugh. I'm just glad it hasn't been worse. It's caused me to lose a good bit of hair in the past, and I'm pretty sure my scalp is all scarred up; but what's new there? So's my face and the entire inside of my mouth, so.. whatever.
I also can get free regular facial waxing now. I got my brows and lip done on Saturday and I have to say Louella did an amazing job with my brows. I would pay if she wanted me to. (She doesn't charge much, either.)
I'm working on my make-up next.. For a while I think I just won't wear any, to allow for healing and more accurate sensitivity testing. But I don't want to get rid of my old stuff because it was so damned expensive. Doing Mary Kay even for that one month kinda fucked me over. It was my own fault for saying yes. But at the same time I guess I made it all back, and it was nice to spend the time with Gail and the others who so graciously showed up to my one and only show. (Thanks Gwen, Marg, Melissa.. And really my mom, even though she won't read this.) Not entirely a loss.
Whew, that one was long.
I'm working on being more confident. (But not arrogant.) I caught myself a good five times wanting to put myself down in this entry alone.. that's in my journal that people read. Imagine what I think that never gets said! So anyway, I think it's time for me to really start loving myself. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's all more self-improvement bull, but no really.. I need this. As Penma Chodron said, "I don't want to die bleeding to death from scratching." I want to learn to live in the moment again, and be still, and feel without judging or having to act.
I want to be able to say, "there's that feeling of emptiness, loneliness, hunger, longing for something self-destructive," and be able to feel the pain and fire of it wash over me without harming me. Understanding, knowing.. but ultimately learning to overcome these feelings with appropriate reactions. It might be easier if I went on vacation to do this, but I suppose that would defeat the purpose.
Just thought I'd say that even after 6 years he's surprising me and winning me over every day.
The things us ladies do I've recently spent over 120$ in product from Aveda (+2 tubes of Burt's Blemish Stick at about 8$ each-I went through the first one fast) to improve my skin. I plan on spending about 30$ more. Keep in mind this is ongoing purchases over a few months.
What I got:
Tourmaline Masque (29$)
Sensitive Cleanser (20$)(9$ TS)
Sensitive Toner (18$)(8$ TS)
Sensitive Moisturizer (9$ TS)
Make-up Remover (15$)
Face Shammy (9$)
*TS denotes Travel Sized, which I bought to try out
*These are estimates
What I want:
Tourmaline Charged Creme (for twice-a-week treatments)
Full-Sized Moisturizer
I now know that I have some form of dermatitis but cannot afford to go to the doctor to get actual diagnosis and treatment. However, the sensitive line from Aveda has helped me out wonders. My face is not dry and itchy anymore, and I don't have the dark lines under my eyes I did before. I still get pimples, but they are very superficial, and not painful, and heal quickly. This is nice. Unfortunately this does not fix the years of scarring my face has collected, but now at least it can heal.
If I can find something good enough I might even switch to something similar for hair care due to my seborrhea. Ugh. I'm just glad it hasn't been worse. It's caused me to lose a good bit of hair in the past, and I'm pretty sure my scalp is all scarred up; but what's new there? So's my face and the entire inside of my mouth, so.. whatever.
I also can get free regular facial waxing now. I got my brows and lip done on Saturday and I have to say Louella did an amazing job with my brows. I would pay if she wanted me to. (She doesn't charge much, either.)
I'm working on my make-up next.. For a while I think I just won't wear any, to allow for healing and more accurate sensitivity testing. But I don't want to get rid of my old stuff because it was so damned expensive. Doing Mary Kay even for that one month kinda fucked me over. It was my own fault for saying yes. But at the same time I guess I made it all back, and it was nice to spend the time with Gail and the others who so graciously showed up to my one and only show. (Thanks Gwen, Marg, Melissa.. And really my mom, even though she won't read this.) Not entirely a loss.
Whew, that one was long.
I'm working on being more confident. (But not arrogant.) I caught myself a good five times wanting to put myself down in this entry alone.. that's in my journal that people read. Imagine what I think that never gets said! So anyway, I think it's time for me to really start loving myself. Yeah, yeah, I know, it's all more self-improvement bull, but no really.. I need this. As Penma Chodron said, "I don't want to die bleeding to death from scratching." I want to learn to live in the moment again, and be still, and feel without judging or having to act.
I want to be able to say, "there's that feeling of emptiness, loneliness, hunger, longing for something self-destructive," and be able to feel the pain and fire of it wash over me without harming me. Understanding, knowing.. but ultimately learning to overcome these feelings with appropriate reactions. It might be easier if I went on vacation to do this, but I suppose that would defeat the purpose.