ACCEPTANCE.
Wow. It's 12:30 AM on a Sunday night and everyone is in bed. Not me. No way. I don't have to wake up until 10 at the earliest. Plus i'm a little tweeked..trying to calm down with a nice glass of wine (i have become my mother). Tomorrow school is at like 11:40..I have Human Behavior where we're watching Rain Man (but i didn't do my homework and that class is my major for college so i sort of need to do well..eh). Then compter class for an hour..whatever...probably just sit on the internet. Then i have free so..i go home (only periods 1,2,3 tomorrow). Or i hang out. Jamie expressed intestered in doing something but i don't know if i will. I might be tired since I CAN'T SLEEP.
Friday night i went to David's but everyone was shoved into one room and you know me and my claustraphobia..sat in the hall most of the time. Plus i drove so i couldn't drink much. Saturday morning i took the train to the city and met dad and diana. We got lunch, went to MoMA (beautiful, great) which i have'nt seen since the change. Good. mmm Went back to the apartment. I took a nap (of course), we ordered food and a movie.
Sleepers-
I'll explain. We were walking back from the museum when my dad said something about Hell's Kitchen, and i asked where it was. I explained to him that the name of the place stuck out in my mind because of a movie I had watched when i was little (with my brother, of course) that had been one of the few (or..many compared to most kids) movies i had seen very young that certain scenes had always (and, i think, will forever) stick in my mind. Of course I couldn't remember the name of the movie for the life of me. Diana is a bit of a movie buff but she still didn't know. I just remember Kevin Bacon was in it. So we got back to the apartment and, like nerds, researched. I looked it up in one of D's movie books and my Dad looked online. FINALLY we figured out it was Sleepers. My dad said after all my talk he wanted to rent it. So we did. And it was like 2.5 hours long, stayed up late watching it, but once again, it will never leave my mind. That movie is so powerful. The plot, the acting, the cast, the story, the lessons, the THEME. The theme is revenge is sweet. It doesn't matter that some argue that because in the end Tommy and John die the lesson is different, but i agree with the mainstream that this movie shows that sometimes revenge is sweet, lasting, and deserved. God, i love this movie, but watching it...is extremely painful (be warned).
Anyways, went to bed, then woke up, Dad made us walk like 4 miles and all along the Hudson and out on a peer and the wind was so strong and we (diana and i) were so cold we could barely move or breathe. But my dad is like that..he, of course, was not phased by the wind or cold. Then we stopped at this bakery they got me cookies from the first time i went to D's apartment (2 or 3 years ago) and my dad bought me two of the best cookies ever. Huge mounds. yummy i am fat. Then we went back to the apartment, i read about the BTK killer (something i need to follow closely for my future career) in the paper and then dad took me to the Gershwin theater to meet my mom and jack and aunt Holly and megan and this irish lady theyre all friends with (uhh). I said goodbye to dad and then ate quickly then went to see Wicked (my mom and i had seperate seats which were like almost front row..muahaha) and it was as good as eveyrone said. I always go into plays thinking i won't like them..especially musicals..and i always adore them. I even got a sweatshirt. Then we said goodbye to Megan and irish lady and drove home and dropped aunt holly off.
I attacked my dog's with love and hugs and kisses when i got in the door (i miss them so much when i'm not with them for just two days..what am i going to do in college???) and then i watched Frailty which we ordered from Netflix (i also ordered Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, which is the story of Henry Lee Lucas..which i also need to see for my career..haha). It was..weird..alright..."horror" movies don't scare me much anymore but the fact that it was Texas..axes..and Matthew McConaughey..and religious shit..gave me the creeps a LITTLE cos the south (esp. Texas) scares me in general and Matthew McConaughey (who was really good by the way) reminds me of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre three or whatever which was like the first horror movie i ever saw haha. anyways..interesting movie..
Now Insomniac has come on, one of my favorite shows, but i know it means..well..i'm an insomniac..and he's rubbing it in! hah.
I thought about him (ya know) a lot this weekend. I know we'll cross pathes again one day..and something similar will happen again..because it happens..like every year. I know it will. And i'll fall for his eyes and his..his..himself..again..and get hurt. But maybe by then i'll be smarter, and hurt him a little. Who knows. I'm not looking forward to seeing him first thing tomorrow though. blah.
One last thing, i've had one or two long online conversations with Mark lately which has been unusually nice. We discussed Eric a bit and how it's neither of our fault what he has become, he's fucked up, as is his new girlfriend, and it's his own fault. That was refreshing because Mark is one of the only people i can really talk to about Eric and i feel good he reassured me that it's not my fault and i am right that he probably never loved me, just needed attachment.
Anyways..time for more insomniac activities..goddamn i wish i had someone to talk to online.
<3
Revenge. Sweet lasting revenge. Now it's time for all of us to get a taste. -SLEEPERS
(The man who will be my first real LOOOOOVE will look like this..and if you know me..you KNOW it).