a thought from my recent trip
Mentioned this last night to Coyotegirl, and she said I should bring it up here... maybe some of you will have thoughts to add.
So growing up Jewish (in an area that wasn't primarily Jewish) I always had a strong "minority identity" that got strongest whenever the dominant Christian culture around me was most expressed & expressive (Easter somewhat, but especially Christmas). It was instilled in me that this was "their holiday" and that singing Christmas songs, lighting the house, exchanging gifts on or around December 25th, all these things were What The Christians Did (tm) and so while I watched people enjoying the holiday, I really felt like a minority. The songs, decorations, Merry Christmas greetings, and all the trappings were everywhere.
People would wonder why our house wasn't decorated, I would spend Christmas Eves alone at home because my parents went to a good friend's annual party, but all my friends were having family-time and my parents didn't want me going to someone else's Christmas celebration. (Odd, that one.)
So while surrounded by all the Christmassing every year, I thought the same way that poor Kyle from South Park did: It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas. And I never understood the assumptiveness of those who would automatically wish me a Merry Christmas, ask me what my Christmas plans were, hand me choral music to sing fervently about Jesus' birth (I loved much of the music, if not the sentiment, but did so guiltily and until my early 20's only mouthed the words "Jesus" and "Christ").
But I got an eye-opener while in Florida...
just as I was starting to already feel a little deluged by Christmas merriment here in Seattle (all the TV and radio ads, the fact that I work for a shopping site that's now changed its dominant colors to red and green, the Salvation Army bell-ringers, the mall crowds and mall Santas....)...
Some of you may know that Chanukah began on Thanksgiving weekend this year. And I was in Boynton Beach, Florida, an area that's definitely more than 50% Jewish. (How much more, I couldn't say, but even that number is impressive proportionally.) Suddenly, the hair salon where I went had Chanukah decorations up everywhere and only one tiny plastic tree. People walked about discussing latke recipes, asking each other what they'd done for the grandkids' Chanukah gifts, and everywhere wishing one another a loud and gusto-driven "HAPPY CHANUKAH!"
It was the assumptiveness that got to me. Suddenly now the dominant culture had shifted, even moreso I'm guessing because many of these people probably didn't live in Jewish communities when they were in the Northeast, before they retired. The moment that captured it for me was my nail technician, Diana (in her late 20's or early 30's, and a Florida transplant since childhood), leaning forward and saying in a low voice "I set up my"...(look around, whisper)..."Christmas tree"... (louder again) "last night."
It struck me that she was feeling exactly as I had felt growing up: surrounded by people who believed differently, had different religious customs, and who might think negatively of her if they knew she was "different". I always thought, if I'm ever the majority, I'll make sure not to make assumptions about anyone and to not discriminate against anyone. The Jews' ubiquitous holiday celebrations, without a thought to those who might not believe the same, rubbed me the same way that over-the-top Christmas-everywhere sometimes does. I enjoy seeing both holidays celebrated publicly, and can identify with Jewish Chanukah traditions, secular Christmas cheer (especially music), and now Pagan Yule. But it just made me wonder..... the smugness with which some of the Happy Chanukahs were delivered seemed to me to be saying "It's OUR turn now" rather than "We've got ours, you've got yours, it's all good."
I guess I feel somewhat the same about now being perceived as hetero. I try not to assume about anyone, and I try to be as fair and open and equally-warm towards gays & straights. I went through a time, briefly, when being queer was automatically enough to instill more trust and openness from me: a less high bar for immediate liking.... (okay, moreso when the person in question was an attractive lesbian, but we'll forgive me my foibles...).... and now I try to just live with a level playing field.
But it was an interesting situation, and thing to be thinking about. What do you think? What experiences have you had? I"m going to try to disable IP logging so anyone can comment on this one without having to be "out"..... please share.
So growing up Jewish (in an area that wasn't primarily Jewish) I always had a strong "minority identity" that got strongest whenever the dominant Christian culture around me was most expressed & expressive (Easter somewhat, but especially Christmas). It was instilled in me that this was "their holiday" and that singing Christmas songs, lighting the house, exchanging gifts on or around December 25th, all these things were What The Christians Did (tm) and so while I watched people enjoying the holiday, I really felt like a minority. The songs, decorations, Merry Christmas greetings, and all the trappings were everywhere.
People would wonder why our house wasn't decorated, I would spend Christmas Eves alone at home because my parents went to a good friend's annual party, but all my friends were having family-time and my parents didn't want me going to someone else's Christmas celebration. (Odd, that one.)
So while surrounded by all the Christmassing every year, I thought the same way that poor Kyle from South Park did: It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas. And I never understood the assumptiveness of those who would automatically wish me a Merry Christmas, ask me what my Christmas plans were, hand me choral music to sing fervently about Jesus' birth (I loved much of the music, if not the sentiment, but did so guiltily and until my early 20's only mouthed the words "Jesus" and "Christ").
But I got an eye-opener while in Florida...
just as I was starting to already feel a little deluged by Christmas merriment here in Seattle (all the TV and radio ads, the fact that I work for a shopping site that's now changed its dominant colors to red and green, the Salvation Army bell-ringers, the mall crowds and mall Santas....)...
Some of you may know that Chanukah began on Thanksgiving weekend this year. And I was in Boynton Beach, Florida, an area that's definitely more than 50% Jewish. (How much more, I couldn't say, but even that number is impressive proportionally.) Suddenly, the hair salon where I went had Chanukah decorations up everywhere and only one tiny plastic tree. People walked about discussing latke recipes, asking each other what they'd done for the grandkids' Chanukah gifts, and everywhere wishing one another a loud and gusto-driven "HAPPY CHANUKAH!"
It was the assumptiveness that got to me. Suddenly now the dominant culture had shifted, even moreso I'm guessing because many of these people probably didn't live in Jewish communities when they were in the Northeast, before they retired. The moment that captured it for me was my nail technician, Diana (in her late 20's or early 30's, and a Florida transplant since childhood), leaning forward and saying in a low voice "I set up my"...(look around, whisper)..."Christmas tree"... (louder again) "last night."
It struck me that she was feeling exactly as I had felt growing up: surrounded by people who believed differently, had different religious customs, and who might think negatively of her if they knew she was "different". I always thought, if I'm ever the majority, I'll make sure not to make assumptions about anyone and to not discriminate against anyone. The Jews' ubiquitous holiday celebrations, without a thought to those who might not believe the same, rubbed me the same way that over-the-top Christmas-everywhere sometimes does. I enjoy seeing both holidays celebrated publicly, and can identify with Jewish Chanukah traditions, secular Christmas cheer (especially music), and now Pagan Yule. But it just made me wonder..... the smugness with which some of the Happy Chanukahs were delivered seemed to me to be saying "It's OUR turn now" rather than "We've got ours, you've got yours, it's all good."
I guess I feel somewhat the same about now being perceived as hetero. I try not to assume about anyone, and I try to be as fair and open and equally-warm towards gays & straights. I went through a time, briefly, when being queer was automatically enough to instill more trust and openness from me: a less high bar for immediate liking.... (okay, moreso when the person in question was an attractive lesbian, but we'll forgive me my foibles...).... and now I try to just live with a level playing field.
But it was an interesting situation, and thing to be thinking about. What do you think? What experiences have you had? I"m going to try to disable IP logging so anyone can comment on this one without having to be "out"..... please share.