an observation
an observation
a winter's day alone in the dorm made myungsoo realize something
infinite; sungyeol/myungsoo
g
1593 words
Myungsoo was standing at the balcony of the dorm, leaning against the railing as he admired the urban setting of the city. There was nothing much to look at, besides the tangle of electricity cables suspended in the air, and more grey buildings that had lost their colours over the years. The remnants of yesterday’s snow brightened the atmosphere a little, giving some white tint to the dull consistency. It was getting colder as the days went by, so it was no surprise that most people decided to stay indoors where there was warmth and friendly company.
The stillness around Myungsoo made him feel a sense of peace and serenity. He had almost forgotten how it felt like to be at ease, not to have work continuously pile on him every day, schedules choking him like a noose around his neck. It was his day-off, a rare occasion that only happened once in a blue moon, something like a last-minute reprieve. He seized this opportunity to just stay at home and rest, while the rest of the group went about with their schedules. It did feel lonely, but he was alright with it. The silence was familiar yet refreshing, for the dorm was usually bustling with the members’ endless conversations and childish arguments. Instead, today was filled with the calm frost of winter settling lightly on the neighbourhood, and it was all his to spend. He sighed with a smile, his breath fogging up in the chilly air like a small cloud. Yes, it was nice being all by himself for a change without anyone to bother him.
“What are you doing outside,” came a voice Myungsoo knew too well.
“Just taking it all in, you know?”
“It’s like the North Pole here, how can you manage to stay warm in just a sweater and coat!”
“I’m strong, unlike you,” he chuckled. He turned to see Sungyeol next to him, hands folded across his chest, hopping in his spot in an attempt to keep himself warm, even though he looked like he was wearing countless layers of thick, woolen clothing, similar to an Eskimo.
“Why are you back so early?”
“My schedule ended. Where else would I be?”
“I don’t know, a coffee shop maybe,” shrugged Myungsoo. Despite the fact that they owned about three coffee machines, no one had any real idea on how to use them, or how to make quality coffee. Majority of their attempts lead to the destruction of the contraptions, with Sunggyu lecturing all of them to keep their hands to themselves, afterwards groaning about having to explain to their manager about the mess they created in the pantry. Since then, to avoid unnecessary trouble, everyone settled on getting their caffeine fix at cafes instead. Purchasing things is much easier compared to actually making them after all.
“And have a swarm of fans dashing towards my direction? As if I would let myself get into such trouble,” Sungyeol scoffed. It was something that neither of them could deny. It was hard enough to leave the dorm without getting mobbed by their fans, how would a trip to the nearest Starbucks be any different?
Myungsoo nodded and raised his eyebrows as if saying true. He faced upwards and looked at the sky, only to meet with a blur of grey and white. He tried to find the sun that was hiding behind the clouds, as if he was playing a game of hide-and-seek. Much to his non-existent dismay, the sun was a great hider. There was really nothing much to look at since everything around him was same and boring.
❄
So he tilted his head to get a good view of Sungyeol. He was wearing a long, bright red buttoned-up pea coat, covering the majority of his body, along with a pair of black boots and black leather gloves. It was impossible to see what was underneath the coat, but that did not really matter. His entire outfit fit him perfectly. It was simple, yet full of individuality and style, suitable and appropriate for the season. Perhaps it was the way he carried himself, or something else, but Myungsoo could not tell. Everything about it just matched him.
From his clothes, Myungsoo moved his eyes to his face, capturing every single detail of it. His side profile was just as stunning as his front, a real life portrait that only the finest artist can create. His bangs were neatly combed towards the left, without having any stray strands. His pupils were black as night and his cheeks were pastel pink, which was clearly from the cold, for male idols don’t really use blusher. His lips were a shade or two darker, shining with a tint of lip gloss. He did not have a very defined jaw line, but it was smooth and noticeable. It was strange to see only a simple diamond stud on his earlobe, since he was known for his multiple piercings. Myungsoo knew that Sungyeol would utilize all his piercings if he could, but his physical appearance was not up to him; it was up to the stylist on that particular day for that particular occasion. It was an obligation to be followed and not questioned. As frustrating as it is, an idol’s life is as such.
Myungsoo understood that. Being an idol meant giving up the life you had before for a totally new one. Such a transition can be overwhelming, and have caused many to back out. The ones who preserve make it through, but even then the struggles and suffering continue with even more pressure and expectations. Idols are still people, and from time to time they break down from all the stress, but they keep it hidden from everyone else, even the ones who are going through it with them. No one wants to show their competitors how vulnerable they can be, even though that is what makes them human.
Myungsoo still remembered the times when he snapped, Sungyeol was always there with him. He was the one who told him that everything would be worth it in the end, that he should not give up after all the effort he put in. He would notice right away when he was about to crack, and immediately find a way to calm him down. He would even let him sleep together with him when he felt too lonely. Nothing explicit; just hugging closely as the comforter covered their bodies on chilly nights. It was embarrassing, but it gave him a sense of comfort.
Reminiscing about the past made Myungsoo wonder if he ever did the same for Sungyeol, not that he was never around when he was down. He would be right next to him, wrapping his arms around his waist, softly speaking encouraging words to cheer him up. Sometimes, he would make a cup of hot chocolate and cookies for him. Every time, Sungyeol would just smile and say, “Thank you”, with an expression that showed gratitude, but not complete happiness. Myungsoo did not know if that was truly enough. While he was extremely grateful towards Sungyeol, he just hoped that he was giving the exact same love back.
Love?
❄
It took Myungsoo a minute to notice that Sungyeol’s face was just inches away from his. His expression was stern, annoyed even.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
Momentarily stunned, Myungsoo felt blood rush to his face as his voice quivered, “O-oh? No, it, it’s nothing, really!”
Sungyeol leaned even nearer, looking like he did not believe it at all. This made Myungsoo even more uncomfortable, though he should be used to how close they were. He could feel his foggy breath on his face, which looked more like smoke, dancing around him. The intense eyeliner was painfully visible, but it really enhanced Sungyeol’s eyes, making them look infinitely bigger and mysterious. Just staring into them made Myungsoo feel slightly light-headed. His heart was thumping rapidly and his lips were trembling too. At this point, he was not sure if it was the weather getting the best of him or himself.
“Are you sure? You’re like a tomato right now.”
“I assure you it’s no big deal!”
Sungyeol continued to stare him down, as if he was processing his thoughts. Finally he gave up, proceeding to lean back and walk back inside the dorm, whistling some song he just randomly came up with, and then yelling something about using the bathroom first. Myungsoo exhaled loudly, trying to recollect himself after what happened. He almost forgot how tall Sungyeol was, how he could tower over him so easily like a giraffe.
He closed his eyes in an attempt to calm himself down, but all he saw was Sungyeol’s face when he leaned in close. What was that feeling? It was nothing he had ever experienced before. He shook his head and walked inside the dorm as well, locking the transparent sliding door behind him. He took off his coat and threw himself onto the couch, burying his face into the coat. He was pretty sure that his face was still burning hot, and he did not want Sungyeol to see him like this. Myungsoo could not stop questioning himself about that feeling. He had a word for it, but for the life of him he could not remember it. He knew what is was, he had an answer, it was at the tip of his tongue, but it was not coming out.
What was it?
a/n: wow i haven't written in about a year? i hope i haven't gone too rusty orz constructive criticism is most welcomed, especially for this fic! i'm working on a lot more things at the moment so, look forward to those? ah, i definitely have to thank tira (reduxed) for being such an amazing beta. some of the lines in here were contributed by her, and i must credit her for her time and effort into beta-ing this for me ;_; thank you so much ♡