?
Nobody needs to pressure me because I pressure myself a lot already. I think it is possible that the reason my heart sometimes tweak its position is because of stress, panic, and a lot of self pressure.
So I always tell myself to do my best. But what if it's not enough? And when it's all over, I tell myself I could've done better. That was not my best.
Is it that I need competition to maximize myself? Why can't I be bold on my own? My father said I only wake up when I realize everyone's awake. And that's true. Is it part of who I am, or do i have the ability to change that?
How?
I was really disappointed with myself. But I had other things in mind during those times. And in the attempt to balance everything out, I ended up not giving my best at any of them. I divided my capabilties among them, not maximize it to include everything.
Maybe it's also because I did tell myself I can't do all of this. It's impossible. I have to drop those of least priority. Which I can't do because people are counting on me. And because I'm on the road already that there's no point stopping everyone's ride.
Don't try to understand me because you don't. I learned that many people don't really get what I'm saying. I write vaguely all the time because i write to let go, not to share. I never wrote straight to the point. So people end up picking up an entirely wrong piece.
And it's chaos.
Really. I realized, I know, that it's only me who can understand the things I write in literature, in pondering blog entries, anything that includes some portion of my emotion.
Because in the end, I don't really let people peek into it.
Sure, I blog, and before I even drop names which I shouldn't have. I tactlessly said things that were true, but that should've been only for me.
But nobody can really claim to understand that.
I love my privacy more than anyone can ever imagine.
*Going back, I really felt bad last night. I'm so sorry.
So I always tell myself to do my best. But what if it's not enough? And when it's all over, I tell myself I could've done better. That was not my best.
Is it that I need competition to maximize myself? Why can't I be bold on my own? My father said I only wake up when I realize everyone's awake. And that's true. Is it part of who I am, or do i have the ability to change that?
How?
I was really disappointed with myself. But I had other things in mind during those times. And in the attempt to balance everything out, I ended up not giving my best at any of them. I divided my capabilties among them, not maximize it to include everything.
Maybe it's also because I did tell myself I can't do all of this. It's impossible. I have to drop those of least priority. Which I can't do because people are counting on me. And because I'm on the road already that there's no point stopping everyone's ride.
Don't try to understand me because you don't. I learned that many people don't really get what I'm saying. I write vaguely all the time because i write to let go, not to share. I never wrote straight to the point. So people end up picking up an entirely wrong piece.
And it's chaos.
Really. I realized, I know, that it's only me who can understand the things I write in literature, in pondering blog entries, anything that includes some portion of my emotion.
Because in the end, I don't really let people peek into it.
Sure, I blog, and before I even drop names which I shouldn't have. I tactlessly said things that were true, but that should've been only for me.
But nobody can really claim to understand that.
I love my privacy more than anyone can ever imagine.
*Going back, I really felt bad last night. I'm so sorry.