(no subject)
I haven’t written anything worth reading in a while, and I don’t need to apologize because no one reads my crap or takes it seriously anyway.
I write for myself and for the few things I believe in. as I sit at this computer in the same position I have for the past hour, guitar on lap, pick in teeth, wishing my tuner was working, I come to realize that I have just tuned my guitar by ear and it sounds perfectly fine.
I speak with no one and my parents are having a party to celebrate my father's birthday. they have about 20 people of their friends in their room. I despise having this many people in the house, many people make my stomach hurt. in either case, tomorrow I’m supposed to have an appointment with the school psychologist from 4-5 pm. definitely not going . she scares me.
who needs that shit anyway when i've got the best fucking friends that anyone has ever had to help me if I only so much as ask. but do I ask? I’d rather not, I don’t want to bother anyone, I just want to sit in my room and play the same notes over and over again and have my guitar strings pop in my face.
I want the rain to stop raining, and I want the snow to start snowing because I hate rain, but if it snows a lot, I come and figure that maybe schools would be closed tomorrow and I could wallow out in self pity all day long. Estella : Or maybe you can go out and play in the snow with your friends you stupid little fuck
yea, or I could do that. I love estella, she always brings out the worst in me and makes me correct myself. i love it when people bring out the worst in me. i love it when people make fun of me and insult me, and make me laugh at myself and think, hey, im the worlds biggest idiot
i hate the rain. i hate busses. they give me motion sickness. they remind me of ships. whats wrong with ships ? oh bob_ i hate ships, they make me sea sick, they remind me of fucking busses. look at this, going round....
look at me, look at what i found. not my guitar picks, no sir. i must slide down to the lower level of using a matchbook !!
i hate these walls. whats wrong with the walls they dont keep anything inside them, they let too many things come in and farrrrrrrr to many things come out. there's so much i want to take in and give out and and and i dont care.
i think im dumb. well, i am. i cant help the fact that i cant even help myself. get away get away.
i threw out four letters that i was in the process of writing to the following people : eddie (duh), grubin, eugene, and estella .
i figured the letters would be either too much or not enough, and wind up pissing them off cos i'd end up saying too much shit that i do mean and even more of what i don't and i'll eventually end up forgetting. well, it won't matter anyway. cos it wasnt important. lets see here. what else can i randomly rant about ? not much on account of nothing is happening. oh man oh man should i be studying for my goddamn latin quiz tomorrow. the chem one will be easy, its just those things that float around . i got to fix stuff today. i felt useful for the 10 minutes that it took to heat up that stick and melt the other metal stick and fix my groove plug. oh look someone imed me.
"YearOldSandwicH (8:24:02 PM): ohh, wanna see some of my artistic doodling?"
oi, here we go .
while he does bob_ knows what, i'll continue to rant and rave, and and and i wish i could stop. no, not stop. Oh oh oh oh oh . I want i want....yogurt ! Some fat free, low calorie yogurt...
so what's it called ? yesterday i had fun with david and julie . they are cool and stuff. i want to do something cool next week. but that wont happen. why? cos of school. and tutoring--oh shit, didnt do any hw for tutors. im extremely cold.
i was just allowed to have an alcoholic beverage, some cheesy wine. it made my head spin a bit, so now i got myself some good yogurt.
lets see here.