Cling to nowhere
As it incessantly would these days, the current bemoanful state of Winchester non-Brotherdom (at least on Sam's part) wrenches my heart.
In this respect, Dean's lack of emotional response to Sam's blatant admissions at the end of 'All Dogs Go To Heaven', s6, got me wondering *and* spawning a ficlet, eventually.
Title: Cling to nowhere
Rating: T
Characters: Dean, Sam. Dean's POV
Summary: A minute sneak-peak into Dean's dejected mind through the end scene of the 'All Dogs Go to Heaven' episode, s6. Mentions of events through all the previous seasons.
Disclaimer: None of the character, plot-points, inherent to the show, belong to me.
A/N: Not my fault Emily Dickinson's poems just *work* for the more angsty fiction-verses.
Cling to nowhere*
"I don't even really care about you."
There was a time this would've all but killed him. Heck! There was a time this did all but kill him. Flagstaff… Stanford… Chicago… Cold Spring… Heaven… Lucifer's Trap… All the instances - too many, in retrospect - Sam threatened to leave, or succeeded thereof.
What was left of Dean in the wake, back then, could hardly have been tantamount to living. Until there was barely enough of him unscathed to endure any more pain - Dean learned that particular hideous drill through his own tenure downstairs. Might be that was why it all but didn't hurt this time around. He squinted in the blazing sunlight, numb to the searing words. Numb to the Sammy he hadn't got back, after all, a year's worth… a lifetime's worth of prayers, pleas and blasphemy alike left unanswered. Numb, oh so diligently numb, to the pesky truth of the Sammy he may very well never claim back, were this imposer here to stick to his callous ways further on. There were only so many times one could die, the Winchesters' cursed luck or not. Dean might as well have reached his limit.
*More than the Grave is closed to me -
The Grave and that Eternity
To which the Grave adheres -
I cling to nowhere till I fall -
The Crash of nothing, yet of all -
How similar appears
(by Emily Dickinson)