I give up.........for now
Talking to my mom today about how I really feel because I have been hiding from it for so long. She needed to know because she was getting worried. I talked it out and finally got the best advice today. I've been so locked up and shut out from what was really true for me.
I'm so scared to tell her certain things now-a-days. I donno why because I used to be able to tell her absolutely anything. I think I'm gonna wait till later tomorrow about my new tat....Give a lil time to think of what to say to her. She said she wouldn't be mad if I got another one...i donno we'll see..........................
The past few days were great I will admit but now I know the reason for staying single. Some of my friends are already going through relationship problems or drama with guys regardless and so I may just give up for a little bit and focus on what I can do for my future. Maybe something will come along, maybe not but I can't be expecting it every single day. It will come when I least expect it. Instead of going out and drinking all my 'sorrows' away, I need to focus on what's best for me and my future. Time for maturity. Time to show that I am growing up and that I am doing something good so that way I can get married, be successful, and have kids and have my house, etc, etc... The list goes on but I can only do that with my parent(s) showing me the way. I think that was the reason for dreaming about my dad. He was trying to tell or show me something. I still miss him and I always will, but I know he doesn't want to see me unhappy.
But beyond that, I'm leaving in the next 2 weeks and I'm starting to get the jitters about it. I'm starting not to sleep well and I just can't get the feeling out of my head that something bad is bound to happen when I go up there. Maybe its just 'cause it's all the old memories that I have considering I did live there most of my life. I shouldn't worry so much. It should be fine. I'll finally get some tears out, I know that. God, it's been so long since I've cried...I think that's what I need, is one good long cry...but I can't for some reason. Almost like I'm drained of tears. But that isn't for another 2 weeks, NOW is what I need to focus on because NOW I have to do the goals that I have listed in my heart. I am getting through this with or without that so-called 'perfect man' we all dream about. Let's face it, nobody's perfect. But I'd rather dream than be unhappy. I don't need him or the drama right now. All I need are family and friends. They are the only things right now to make me happy and know what's best for me.
But now it's off to try and go to bed while watching "Just Friends".
I'm so scared to tell her certain things now-a-days. I donno why because I used to be able to tell her absolutely anything. I think I'm gonna wait till later tomorrow about my new tat....Give a lil time to think of what to say to her. She said she wouldn't be mad if I got another one...i donno we'll see..........................
The past few days were great I will admit but now I know the reason for staying single. Some of my friends are already going through relationship problems or drama with guys regardless and so I may just give up for a little bit and focus on what I can do for my future. Maybe something will come along, maybe not but I can't be expecting it every single day. It will come when I least expect it. Instead of going out and drinking all my 'sorrows' away, I need to focus on what's best for me and my future. Time for maturity. Time to show that I am growing up and that I am doing something good so that way I can get married, be successful, and have kids and have my house, etc, etc... The list goes on but I can only do that with my parent(s) showing me the way. I think that was the reason for dreaming about my dad. He was trying to tell or show me something. I still miss him and I always will, but I know he doesn't want to see me unhappy.
But beyond that, I'm leaving in the next 2 weeks and I'm starting to get the jitters about it. I'm starting not to sleep well and I just can't get the feeling out of my head that something bad is bound to happen when I go up there. Maybe its just 'cause it's all the old memories that I have considering I did live there most of my life. I shouldn't worry so much. It should be fine. I'll finally get some tears out, I know that. God, it's been so long since I've cried...I think that's what I need, is one good long cry...but I can't for some reason. Almost like I'm drained of tears. But that isn't for another 2 weeks, NOW is what I need to focus on because NOW I have to do the goals that I have listed in my heart. I am getting through this with or without that so-called 'perfect man' we all dream about. Let's face it, nobody's perfect. But I'd rather dream than be unhappy. I don't need him or the drama right now. All I need are family and friends. They are the only things right now to make me happy and know what's best for me.
But now it's off to try and go to bed while watching "Just Friends".