(no subject)
another update cause im bored.
i was going to hang out with ren tonight but we are going to hang out tomorrow hopefully after she goes to see her mom.
her mom is so strong. i've never met her but i hope to someday.
i dont know whats wrong with me today. im sorta pushing everyone away..
i seriously cant wait til i move. i really wish i could move out of maryland.. my mom said she wished we could move to another state and start over.. but we just dont have the money for that.
i really dont think shaun wants to be with me. i just dont like this whole.. not talking to him on the weekends thing.. its not working for me.. i guess im just selfish.. but yeah.. he said that his friends would understand and shit.. but he still goes with them every weekend.. and doesnt talk to me at all.. and im not saying i need to be above his friends or he needs to ditch them and come over my house or anything.. im just saying i wish i saw him a little more then i did.. and i think it could happen if we talked during the weekends, but we dont.. so yeah. whatever i guess.
i dont even really feel like i have a boyfriend.. i dont have that feeling when i wake up everyday.. i guess because i really dont get to see him everyday.. so its just like im single except for when he comes over. i dont think relationships were made for me. im too selfish of a person and i think i demand too much. i don't know anymore.
i just miss the days when i was happy. it seems like i haven't been really happy in forever. im such a loser and i am always in my house. what kind of life is that? and sometimes i even have a chance to go out and i just dont.. i dont know why.. i have problems.. whatever i guess though.
maybe if i lost some weight people would like to hang out with me.. all the skinny girls have tons of friends.