humm lost control perhaps???
my mom has never been so sick...
the reality of everything is sinking in...
i hope shes getting better.. i see her move i think "oh yay"
but then.. its like.. what the eff she moved her hand while keeping the same ...scared.. look on her face..
so tired she is
this isnt getting any better
(i hate it when i catch her cry)
..a week ago.. she stood in the bathroom (i was helping her walk there) she looked in the mirrior "im so ugly i never was like this"
she wasnt ever like this.. but in my heart and eyes far from ugly.. she is just so drained.. this sickness has almost taken all of her..
she grabbed my hand and held it tight.. held her head down and sobbed..
i couldnt cry.. i had to be strong for the both of us.. but still tears they fell...i kept them hidden
i cried.. i dont know why i cried..
i believe it was that secretly i know what she said was half true.. and i cried because i dont know if MY MOM will ever return.. and i cried cried cried because when she held my hand.. that was the forst time i felt her hold me.. felt her weight go into reaching for me... it was her being there.. i cant remember the last time that happened.. i forgot what it felt like.. i miss it again now..
my throat is all choked up.. i think im ending this entrie now..
i have to cook my mom some dinner.. (although she will throw it up later...=/ shes so sick but i cant not try)
the reality of everything is sinking in...
i hope shes getting better.. i see her move i think "oh yay"
but then.. its like.. what the eff she moved her hand while keeping the same ...scared.. look on her face..
so tired she is
this isnt getting any better
(i hate it when i catch her cry)
..a week ago.. she stood in the bathroom (i was helping her walk there) she looked in the mirrior "im so ugly i never was like this"
she wasnt ever like this.. but in my heart and eyes far from ugly.. she is just so drained.. this sickness has almost taken all of her..
she grabbed my hand and held it tight.. held her head down and sobbed..
i couldnt cry.. i had to be strong for the both of us.. but still tears they fell...i kept them hidden
i cried.. i dont know why i cried..
i believe it was that secretly i know what she said was half true.. and i cried because i dont know if MY MOM will ever return.. and i cried cried cried because when she held my hand.. that was the forst time i felt her hold me.. felt her weight go into reaching for me... it was her being there.. i cant remember the last time that happened.. i forgot what it felt like.. i miss it again now..
my throat is all choked up.. i think im ending this entrie now..
i have to cook my mom some dinner.. (although she will throw it up later...=/ shes so sick but i cant not try)