why!?!

[watchingducks]

WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO FUCK IT UP!?! WHY!?! I do it all the fucking time. And i dont no why i cant stop it! Every time its going good...i open my mouth...things come out...and i fuck it up! Why do i have to be the way i am! Now i no why people stop being my friends or why im always alone. I mess things up. Since im pretty much totally opening up right now i should just as well spill everything. For all of you that didnt no i like jake. Whoever didnt no must be pretty blind. Well...me and him dont always get along. Things go around and i never no whos telling the truth. I told Jake everything...he tells me im cool but he doesnt want a relationship yet. Then matt IMs me this convo how Jake was thinking bout me and him together and all this...but i duno! I dont no who to believe anymore! I mean i like Jake...and people (no names mentioned) tell me i can find better...that he's not as great as he seems. But he IS a great guy. I mean sure he'll probably never fucking like me cuz im so stupid and mess things up. I wana see him. I havent seen him since school. So i try to hok up things...but he hangs with his friedns. Totally fine with me. They're his best friends. But i mean...ill tell someone..a friend...and they'll IM him...amd i no he gets sick of it. And jake....if you do see this...Sorry. I dont mean to piss u off or bother u. But fuck ur my friend and i wana see u. Not just cuz i like ya...ur my friend. But yeah..Kristy tried talkin to Jake...jake got mad...and he's gone. And me and him wer'e doing ok. Weren't fighting...he was tryin to talk to me bout a pic i took and why it turned out the way it did. I fuck things up. Always do always will.

ive never opened up to something like this. Ever! I never even had a diary or journal when i was little. But since im where im at...opening up doesnt seem too bad.

Whoever reads this entry im sorry u haveto hear my babbling. And no..my life doesnt suck. i no ppl whos' lives are worse. But i mean hey..feelings are feelings...right?