Andrew's Journal
A follow up to the fic.
I feel like.... an orange...
Yeah... an orange with all the juice sucked out. It's been a while since my little "foray to the Dark Side", but I still don't seem to have any of my magic back. I don't know if Giles put a block on me, or if it's normal for it to take this long to regenerate. *insert huge tired sigh here*
Now I know what Kim Novak felt like in "Bell, Book and Candle", only instead of losing my powers for love... I had them sucked out due to drunken stupidity.
And I was stupid. Even I can admit that. Raising the dead? I'll leave that to Willow. I'll also leave the drinking of anything stronger than Zima to those who can handle it.
Xander felt so bad about the whole thing. I'm not sure why. He said it was his fault that I had been drinking and his fault for not catching on sooner to what was going on with me.
I know though. I know it's no one's fault but my own. I screwed up again. I screwed up by trying to use magic to take away my problems. First, to keep from sleeping and having "the dreams", and then, second, to try to bring back Jonathan.
Xander says that's the first step to becoming a responsible adult and not just an over-sized kid - admitting your mistakes.
I'm more than willing to admit them, at least to myself. Hard not to when I don't have enough power to incindere a birthday candle, *insert another huge sigh here* let alone do any kind of working.
I wonder how far down my throat Giles would jump if I asked how long I'll be like this? He's very angry, I'm sure, and unlike Xander, he won't be blaming himself in the least for what happened.
Not to say that I think he should... but.... It all feels so weird. I wonder if this is how Xander felt when he lost his eye? Kind of lost and off-balance. Of course, I, at least, have the hope of regaining my loss.
For now, however, it's back to sleep. My body seems to be making up for lost time.
I feel like.... an orange...
Yeah... an orange with all the juice sucked out. It's been a while since my little "foray to the Dark Side", but I still don't seem to have any of my magic back. I don't know if Giles put a block on me, or if it's normal for it to take this long to regenerate. *insert huge tired sigh here*
Now I know what Kim Novak felt like in "Bell, Book and Candle", only instead of losing my powers for love... I had them sucked out due to drunken stupidity.
And I was stupid. Even I can admit that. Raising the dead? I'll leave that to Willow. I'll also leave the drinking of anything stronger than Zima to those who can handle it.
Xander felt so bad about the whole thing. I'm not sure why. He said it was his fault that I had been drinking and his fault for not catching on sooner to what was going on with me.
I know though. I know it's no one's fault but my own. I screwed up again. I screwed up by trying to use magic to take away my problems. First, to keep from sleeping and having "the dreams", and then, second, to try to bring back Jonathan.
Xander says that's the first step to becoming a responsible adult and not just an over-sized kid - admitting your mistakes.
I'm more than willing to admit them, at least to myself. Hard not to when I don't have enough power to incindere a birthday candle, *insert another huge sigh here* let alone do any kind of working.
I wonder how far down my throat Giles would jump if I asked how long I'll be like this? He's very angry, I'm sure, and unlike Xander, he won't be blaming himself in the least for what happened.
Not to say that I think he should... but.... It all feels so weird. I wonder if this is how Xander felt when he lost his eye? Kind of lost and off-balance. Of course, I, at least, have the hope of regaining my loss.
For now, however, it's back to sleep. My body seems to be making up for lost time.