The moment he saw Wesley, a rush of emotions came over Giles. He remembered the last time they had seen each other in Wesley's hospital room. It was a grey morning, with a light rain falling. Giles was on his way to a meeting with the Sunnydale school board and had stopped by to check on Wesley.
When he came back that evening, after being fired from being the librarian, he discovered Wesley was gone. The nurse at the front desk told him Wesley had checked out that morning. He called everyone he knew but no one had seen the other man and Giles was left with a hole in his heart.
Months later, Buffy would return from Los Angeles, where she'd tracked down Faith, and told him Wesley was working for Angel. Knowing Wesley had become one of Angel's allies had driven Giles over the brink. Soon he was drinking even more to just forget Wesley existed, and to dull the pain of Buffy not needing him anymore.
And now he was standing in Wesley's office, surrounded by volumes of old books - a lot of them books he recognized as Council books. Giles didn't know what to say or do so he just stared. Wesley looked different. Gone was his stuffy attire; replaced by more casual wear.
"Pardon?" he asked when Wesley offered a place to sit. "Oh, right." He looked around the room and found the couch as the best bet. Sitting down, he balanced the files on his lap. "Yes, she did. Quite talkative, isn't she? I'm afraid I won't be able to read most of her research. It looks to be science in nature and, well, science is one area I never excelled at."
It was awkward and Giles found himself talking before he thought about the words. "How's Angel as a boss working out for you?"
Wesley watched as Rupert walked over to the couch and sat down. His mind was screaming at him to say something, to explain himself and what he had done, but he simply stood in front of his desk. Rupert instead told him about how he didn't think he'd understand much of Fred's research into the matter, considering it was scientific in nature.
"Yes, Fred can tend to be quite thorough, especially with the scientific aspects of things," he finally said, stepping away from the desk and over to the table nearer the couch. "It's one of her rather endearing qualities. Hopefully, my files will be a little more understandable from the mystical point of view on the amulet."
He was just reaching out to pick up the files when Rupert asked his question, arresting his hand in mid-air as he winced at the tone in his former lover's voice. "It's...it's been...all right, I suppose," he said. "I helped out with a case and just ended up staying. Of course, he wasn't always the boss. I was in charge for a while until..." Suddenly, he stopped, uncertain about what he had been able to stay, his brow furrowing. "Well, something happened, and I stepped down. Then we came here...because..."
He looked up toward the ceiling for a moment, his mind a whirl of confusion and guilt, keeping him from thinking straight. When he finally opened his mouth again, there was only one thing he was able to say.
When Wesley finally reacted to his question, Giles almost wanted to smirk. He saw how uncomfortable it made him and there was a small part of Giles that was glad for it. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to do it. This was Wesley, the man he'd loved years ago. The man he still harbored feelings for.
"I believe your father mentioned your new position when I went back to England to get information on Dawn," he said. His brow furrowed for a moment as he wondered why Wesley couldn't remember what had happened to cause him to lose his position as boss. Was it because of something Angel had done to him? A bit of anger stirred within, knowing he would throttle Angel if he ever found out he had hurt Wesley.
Giles shifted on the couch and looked down at the files. "Fred mention you lot came here to fight evil from the inside," he said, motioning his hand around. "I've seen a lot of evil things since coming here and it doesn't seem like you're fighting it." He paused for a moment and shook his head. "And that was quite rude of me."
He was about to ask for Wesley's files when the other man apologized. Giles blinked his eyes and thought of what he could say next. Perhaps he needed to be honest. "Sorry for what, Wesley? For working for the man who killed Jenny, and then later tortured me, or for walking out of my life when I needed you the most?" he asked, his voice starting to fill with emotion. "Do you even understand what it was like to be fired by the school board and then to find out the person you love was gone without any explanation?"
Wesley raked his hand through his hair when Rupert mentioned that it didn't appear that they were fighting much evil now that they were here at the firm, feeling a bit defensive even though he wasn't saying anything that he hadn't thought himself several times in the last few weeks. "There's been...complications," he told him with a sigh. "Apparently, there's more to running this place than was thought."
Even that sounded weak to his own ears. But their discussion turned as instead, he found himself apologizing. He knew that it wouldn't be enough - it could never be enough - especially when Rupert responded, his voice filled with pain. Pain he had caused even though he had thought he had been doing the right thing.
"Sorry for everything," he finally said, feeling that he had to explain. He had to at least tell him even if he still hated him and wanted nothing to do with him ever again. "I didn't want to leave you in Sunnydale, but I didn't have a choice. My--my father called me while I was still in hospital and told me that I was to report to London immediately to face the tribunal for what I allowed to happen with Faith and Buffy." He took a breath and looked down at the floor. "He knew about us, Rupert. I think he had someone watching us and reporting - it's the only way they could have found out so fast about any of it. He said that if I didn't leave immediately, they'd bring you into it. They'd have your green card revoked and cause problems for you. My father even threatened to use your past as Ripper against you."
He swallowed deeply and ran his hand over his face. "I didn't feel I had a choice. I figured it was better you hate me than lose everything because of me and my father. And by the time I started working with Angel, it seemed the only thing I could do. I didn't think you'd want me back in your life again after I walked out." He finally looked over at him. "So no, I can't understand what it was like for you. I will never pretend to because I don't have the right."
Giles listened to Wesley's words, a mixture of anger and understanding washing over him. He hadn't Roger, probably not as much as Wesley did, but he still despised the man and everything he stood for. Knowing he had been the cause of Wesley leaving him, made Giles want to fly to England so he could throttle the git. Perhaps one day he would.
Standing from the couch, Giles circled around Wesley, wanting to reach out and touch him, but he stopped himself. There were things he needed to say first. "You should've came to me, Wesley," Giles softly said as he stopped in front of him. "Your father likes to pretend he has control, but he really doesn't. We could've handled it together. I understand though and I probably would've done the same thing if I had been in your position."
He took a step forward, closing the gap between them, but not standing too close. "You were always welcomed to come back. I was angry but I got over it. Instead, I missed you every day you were gone and..." Giles paused and reached up, and ran the back of his hand over Wesley's cheek, feeling the rough stubble underneath it. "I'm not mad anymore. I just...I feel a bit empty without you in my life."
When Rupert circled around to stand in front of him, Wesley swallowed and looked into his former lover's eyes, waiting for him to tell him how weak he had been, how much he had hurt him. But he didn't, instead telling him that he should have come to him...and that he understood.
Then he stepped closer and told him that he would have always have welcomed back. Wesley couldn't believe it. He had hurt the man he loved by walking out on him without a word and hadn't even been able to explain himself in four years...and Rupert was forgiving him?
"I missed you terribly," Wesley admitted, closing his eyes for a moment when Rupert ran his hand over his cheek. He had missed him and his touch, the way he made him feel. His father had told him he had always been a disappointment, and his feelings for another man had proven he had been right, but he could never, ever see his feelings for Rupert as wrong. In fact, they had seemed to be the only good thing he had had.
"Was never...didn't..." He opened his eyes again as his hand crept up to rest against the other man's chest. "Can you really forgive me for what I did?"
When Wesley asked his question, Giles sighed. "Yes. I understand now and I know why you did it. Your father didn't give you any other choice so you did what you could to protect me and I'm grateful you did, even if you were a bit thick and did it on your own," he said. He looked at Wesley, not sure if he was believing him or not.
Stepping forward, Giles slid his hand to the back of Wesley's neck and pulled his closer. Without saying another word, he pressed his lips against Wesley's. After a moment, Giles found his tongue nudging Wesley's mouth open, knowing he needed to taste him again. He deeply kissed the other man for a few moments before pulling back.
"Does that answer your question," he murmured as he looked into Wesley's eyes. "Or do you need me to repeat it?"
Wesley heard the words, trying to let them really sink in. Rupert understood and forgave him? It seemed like something out of his dreams - it could be real. He was going to wake up and find that he hadn't even gone to work yet.
Then he felt the warmth of Rupert's hand on the back of his neck and the closeness of his body and then the feel of his lips on his. He moaned softly, having wanting this to happen again for so long now, having thought it would never happen again. Not after he walked out. But now it was, and when Rupert deepened the kiss, any doubts that Wesley had about whether he forgave him were put to rest.
Finally, they pulled back slightly, their eyes locking. A slow smile spread across Wesley's face at Rupert's question. "I don't know. I think I might need you to repeat that. Just to be sure..."
Before Rupert could respond, Wesley leaned forward again and captured the other man's lips with his own.
Giles smirked when Wesley asked for him to repeat it. He was about to say something but found himself silenced by Wesley's lips. Sliding his hands up Wesley's back, he brought him so their bodies were pressed together. He continued to kiss him until he needed to breathe and pulled back.
"I glad you understand," he said as he tried to catch his breath. Giles pressed his forehead's against Wesley's and smiled. "I do believe we have some files to go over."
Stepping away, he picked the files up from Wesley's desk and looked at him. "We could go to my hotel and work on these. My room is only a few blocks from here," Giles suggested. He then blushed a bit and looked down at the floor. "Only if you want to. If you think we'd get more done here, then we could stay here."
Wesley moaned softly into the kiss, especially when he felt Rupert pull his closer. He had missed feeling him this way, touching the familiar planes of his body, having him touch him. When they finally parted, he took a deep breath, fighting to control the reactions in his body, the need that he felt rising after not being with him for so long.
"Yes, we do have some files, don't we?" he responded softly, looking over toward his desk as Rupert went over to it. He hated to admit it, but Spike's situation had rather taken a backseat in his thoughts. He knew Fred was worried about him, and of course, they'd help him.
When Rupert mentioned going to his hotel to work on the files, Wesley arched his eyebrow. He realized that the invitation didn't have much to do with working at all, and truth be told, he didn't mind that. He looked around the office and shook his head. "I think going to your hotel would be a very good idea. Much easier to...examine everything without interruptions."
Crossing over to the desk, he reached over to pick up the files. "We can take my car if you'd like. It's down in the car park under the building."
"Yes, we wouldn't want to be interrupted while examining something important," Giles murmured as he went back to the couch. He picked up the files Fred had given him and looked around. He noticed a bag on the floor, near Wesley's desk, and walked over to it. "I won't be able to carry all of these and I forgot my bag at the hotel."
He slipped the files into Wesley's bag and stood from the floor. "I hope you don't mind, love...Wesley..." Giles furrowed his brow. "No, love is better." He grinned at the other man and wait until he had gathered everything before walking to the door. Pausing for a moment, he turned and looked at Wesley again.
"I'll allow you to leave the way. I do believe I'd get lost in here," Giles said with a small chuckle. "I'm quite used to smaller venues. The new Council building is a bit smaller than this building, if you can believe it. It would seem now that Travers is dead, things have become more simple there."
When he came back that evening, after being fired from being the librarian, he discovered Wesley was gone. The nurse at the front desk told him Wesley had checked out that morning. He called everyone he knew but no one had seen the other man and Giles was left with a hole in his heart.
Months later, Buffy would return from Los Angeles, where she'd tracked down Faith, and told him Wesley was working for Angel. Knowing Wesley had become one of Angel's allies had driven Giles over the brink. Soon he was drinking even more to just forget Wesley existed, and to dull the pain of Buffy not needing him anymore.
And now he was standing in Wesley's office, surrounded by volumes of old books - a lot of them books he recognized as Council books. Giles didn't know what to say or do so he just stared. Wesley looked different. Gone was his stuffy attire; replaced by more casual wear.
"Pardon?" he asked when Wesley offered a place to sit. "Oh, right." He looked around the room and found the couch as the best bet. Sitting down, he balanced the files on his lap. "Yes, she did. Quite talkative, isn't she? I'm afraid I won't be able to read most of her research. It looks to be science in nature and, well, science is one area I never excelled at."
It was awkward and Giles found himself talking before he thought about the words. "How's Angel as a boss working out for you?"
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"Yes, Fred can tend to be quite thorough, especially with the scientific aspects of things," he finally said, stepping away from the desk and over to the table nearer the couch. "It's one of her rather endearing qualities. Hopefully, my files will be a little more understandable from the mystical point of view on the amulet."
He was just reaching out to pick up the files when Rupert asked his question, arresting his hand in mid-air as he winced at the tone in his former lover's voice. "It's...it's been...all right, I suppose," he said. "I helped out with a case and just ended up staying. Of course, he wasn't always the boss. I was in charge for a while until..." Suddenly, he stopped, uncertain about what he had been able to stay, his brow furrowing. "Well, something happened, and I stepped down. Then we came here...because..."
He looked up toward the ceiling for a moment, his mind a whirl of confusion and guilt, keeping him from thinking straight. When he finally opened his mouth again, there was only one thing he was able to say.
"Rupert, I'm sorry."
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"I believe your father mentioned your new position when I went back to England to get information on Dawn," he said. His brow furrowed for a moment as he wondered why Wesley couldn't remember what had happened to cause him to lose his position as boss. Was it because of something Angel had done to him? A bit of anger stirred within, knowing he would throttle Angel if he ever found out he had hurt Wesley.
Giles shifted on the couch and looked down at the files. "Fred mention you lot came here to fight evil from the inside," he said, motioning his hand around. "I've seen a lot of evil things since coming here and it doesn't seem like you're fighting it." He paused for a moment and shook his head. "And that was quite rude of me."
He was about to ask for Wesley's files when the other man apologized. Giles blinked his eyes and thought of what he could say next. Perhaps he needed to be honest. "Sorry for what, Wesley? For working for the man who killed Jenny, and then later tortured me, or for walking out of my life when I needed you the most?" he asked, his voice starting to fill with emotion. "Do you even understand what it was like to be fired by the school board and then to find out the person you love was gone without any explanation?"
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Even that sounded weak to his own ears. But their discussion turned as instead, he found himself apologizing. He knew that it wouldn't be enough - it could never be enough - especially when Rupert responded, his voice filled with pain. Pain he had caused even though he had thought he had been doing the right thing.
"Sorry for everything," he finally said, feeling that he had to explain. He had to at least tell him even if he still hated him and wanted nothing to do with him ever again. "I didn't want to leave you in Sunnydale, but I didn't have a choice. My--my father called me while I was still in hospital and told me that I was to report to London immediately to face the tribunal for what I allowed to happen with Faith and Buffy." He took a breath and looked down at the floor. "He knew about us, Rupert. I think he had someone watching us and reporting - it's the only way they could have found out so fast about any of it. He said that if I didn't leave immediately, they'd bring you into it. They'd have your green card revoked and cause problems for you. My father even threatened to use your past as Ripper against you."
He swallowed deeply and ran his hand over his face. "I didn't feel I had a choice. I figured it was better you hate me than lose everything because of me and my father. And by the time I started working with Angel, it seemed the only thing I could do. I didn't think you'd want me back in your life again after I walked out." He finally looked over at him. "So no, I can't understand what it was like for you. I will never pretend to because I don't have the right."
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Standing from the couch, Giles circled around Wesley, wanting to reach out and touch him, but he stopped himself. There were things he needed to say first. "You should've came to me, Wesley," Giles softly said as he stopped in front of him. "Your father likes to pretend he has control, but he really doesn't. We could've handled it together. I understand though and I probably would've done the same thing if I had been in your position."
He took a step forward, closing the gap between them, but not standing too close. "You were always welcomed to come back. I was angry but I got over it. Instead, I missed you every day you were gone and..." Giles paused and reached up, and ran the back of his hand over Wesley's cheek, feeling the rough stubble underneath it. "I'm not mad anymore. I just...I feel a bit empty without you in my life."
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Then he stepped closer and told him that he would have always have welcomed back. Wesley couldn't believe it. He had hurt the man he loved by walking out on him without a word and hadn't even been able to explain himself in four years...and Rupert was forgiving him?
"I missed you terribly," Wesley admitted, closing his eyes for a moment when Rupert ran his hand over his cheek. He had missed him and his touch, the way he made him feel. His father had told him he had always been a disappointment, and his feelings for another man had proven he had been right, but he could never, ever see his feelings for Rupert as wrong. In fact, they had seemed to be the only good thing he had had.
"Was never...didn't..." He opened his eyes again as his hand crept up to rest against the other man's chest. "Can you really forgive me for what I did?"
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Stepping forward, Giles slid his hand to the back of Wesley's neck and pulled his closer. Without saying another word, he pressed his lips against Wesley's. After a moment, Giles found his tongue nudging Wesley's mouth open, knowing he needed to taste him again. He deeply kissed the other man for a few moments before pulling back.
"Does that answer your question," he murmured as he looked into Wesley's eyes. "Or do you need me to repeat it?"
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Then he felt the warmth of Rupert's hand on the back of his neck and the closeness of his body and then the feel of his lips on his. He moaned softly, having wanting this to happen again for so long now, having thought it would never happen again. Not after he walked out. But now it was, and when Rupert deepened the kiss, any doubts that Wesley had about whether he forgave him were put to rest.
Finally, they pulled back slightly, their eyes locking. A slow smile spread across Wesley's face at Rupert's question. "I don't know. I think I might need you to repeat that. Just to be sure..."
Before Rupert could respond, Wesley leaned forward again and captured the other man's lips with his own.
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"I glad you understand," he said as he tried to catch his breath. Giles pressed his forehead's against Wesley's and smiled. "I do believe we have some files to go over."
Stepping away, he picked the files up from Wesley's desk and looked at him. "We could go to my hotel and work on these. My room is only a few blocks from here," Giles suggested. He then blushed a bit and looked down at the floor. "Only if you want to. If you think we'd get more done here, then we could stay here."
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"Yes, we do have some files, don't we?" he responded softly, looking over toward his desk as Rupert went over to it. He hated to admit it, but Spike's situation had rather taken a backseat in his thoughts. He knew Fred was worried about him, and of course, they'd help him.
When Rupert mentioned going to his hotel to work on the files, Wesley arched his eyebrow. He realized that the invitation didn't have much to do with working at all, and truth be told, he didn't mind that. He looked around the office and shook his head. "I think going to your hotel would be a very good idea. Much easier to...examine everything without interruptions."
Crossing over to the desk, he reached over to pick up the files. "We can take my car if you'd like. It's down in the car park under the building."
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He slipped the files into Wesley's bag and stood from the floor. "I hope you don't mind, love...Wesley..." Giles furrowed his brow. "No, love is better." He grinned at the other man and wait until he had gathered everything before walking to the door. Pausing for a moment, he turned and looked at Wesley again.
"I'll allow you to leave the way. I do believe I'd get lost in here," Giles said with a small chuckle. "I'm quite used to smaller venues. The new Council building is a bit smaller than this building, if you can believe it. It would seem now that Travers is dead, things have become more simple there."
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