All i wanted..
Yep .. 2nd update tonight .. im pitiful .. ive been online all day .. mostly workin on my website .. made a new layout and everything :) .. www.toxicdreamzo6.cjb.net check it out, if u havent.
anyways .. ive been sitting here listenin to Let It Burn by Usher and You Don't Know by 98 Degrees, and i've been cryin my eyes out. :-\. Justin is literally all of my firsts .. well .. not all .. but a lot .. my first real love .. the first guy to think I was prettier over Jerrica(jerrica was one of my bestfriends, and every guy i liked liked her .. and .. Justin .. well .. he liked me over her) first guy to tell me he loves me, first guy to say I was beautiful, first guy to lie to me for three years straight, first guy who really made me cry, first guy i'd give up so much for, first guy i gave my heart to, first guy i'd die for, first guy .. man .. he was just the first guy for everything. as you can tell .. he wasn't my first kiss .. or the first guy i had sex with. he is although, the first guy I talked about having sex with lol. I'm so hopeless .. Justins already over me .. liking some new girl .. and here I am .. crying over him .. cuz he likes this girl a lot. He's almost 19 .. will be 19 April 19th .. his golden birthday. And we haven't talked like we used to .. it's kind of hard to .. but still. I miss it so much..i miss him so much. I can't even say that to him .. cuz i don't wannabe like well hey i miss u and how we used to be .. cuz im sure he doesnt. he .. he's really changed .. in a way.
all i ever wanted .. was to be in his arms .. god .. there was nothing more that I wanted then to just be with him .. and hear him say he loves me. We had an LDR if u havent noticed .. and there was never a time where we were together when we said i love you to each other. and how i'd give to just .. b4 he moves on from me .. and goes and falls really really hard for this girl .. to be in his arms .. for just one night .. and hear him say I love you to me. and just kiss him. I'd die just for that one night. and I mean .. it's almost like he doesnt know anymore .. like .. everything i ever told him has been erased from his memory. May 11th is coming up .. next month .. that was our first anniversary date .. my 8th grade year .. it woulda made two years that we were together off and on.
I can't believe how childish I'm being ... and how .. fairy tale like I'm being .. but I honestly and seriously thought I'd be with him longer than we were. I mean .. god .. we talked about being together forever .. and loving each other to no end. And he's already feeling strong feelings for a girl he's just met. I'm starting to wonder if thats how he's going to be .. say he loves someone .. breaks up with them .. moves on .. and tell another girl he loves her. I'm so confused .. and so .. upset .. but I can't talk to him about any of this. I don't know what to do anymore. I never expected to be number one in his life forever .. even though he said I would be. It's just .. really hard to get used to...
i'm scared it's something i'm never going to get used to..
anyways .. ive been sitting here listenin to Let It Burn by Usher and You Don't Know by 98 Degrees, and i've been cryin my eyes out. :-\. Justin is literally all of my firsts .. well .. not all .. but a lot .. my first real love .. the first guy to think I was prettier over Jerrica(jerrica was one of my bestfriends, and every guy i liked liked her .. and .. Justin .. well .. he liked me over her) first guy to tell me he loves me, first guy to say I was beautiful, first guy to lie to me for three years straight, first guy who really made me cry, first guy i'd give up so much for, first guy i gave my heart to, first guy i'd die for, first guy .. man .. he was just the first guy for everything. as you can tell .. he wasn't my first kiss .. or the first guy i had sex with. he is although, the first guy I talked about having sex with lol. I'm so hopeless .. Justins already over me .. liking some new girl .. and here I am .. crying over him .. cuz he likes this girl a lot. He's almost 19 .. will be 19 April 19th .. his golden birthday. And we haven't talked like we used to .. it's kind of hard to .. but still. I miss it so much..i miss him so much. I can't even say that to him .. cuz i don't wannabe like well hey i miss u and how we used to be .. cuz im sure he doesnt. he .. he's really changed .. in a way.
all i ever wanted .. was to be in his arms .. god .. there was nothing more that I wanted then to just be with him .. and hear him say he loves me. We had an LDR if u havent noticed .. and there was never a time where we were together when we said i love you to each other. and how i'd give to just .. b4 he moves on from me .. and goes and falls really really hard for this girl .. to be in his arms .. for just one night .. and hear him say I love you to me. and just kiss him. I'd die just for that one night. and I mean .. it's almost like he doesnt know anymore .. like .. everything i ever told him has been erased from his memory. May 11th is coming up .. next month .. that was our first anniversary date .. my 8th grade year .. it woulda made two years that we were together off and on.
I can't believe how childish I'm being ... and how .. fairy tale like I'm being .. but I honestly and seriously thought I'd be with him longer than we were. I mean .. god .. we talked about being together forever .. and loving each other to no end. And he's already feeling strong feelings for a girl he's just met. I'm starting to wonder if thats how he's going to be .. say he loves someone .. breaks up with them .. moves on .. and tell another girl he loves her. I'm so confused .. and so .. upset .. but I can't talk to him about any of this. I don't know what to do anymore. I never expected to be number one in his life forever .. even though he said I would be. It's just .. really hard to get used to...
i'm scared it's something i'm never going to get used to..