(no subject)
so school's starting. i am so not ready for it, not just work wise, but mentally too. can i handle going back to school? talk about buzz kill. but it's my junior year so maybe it'll be alright. i want to find some new friends. it's not like i need to replace the old ones, i just want some new ones to. i want to expand, and i also want to change myself, again. i want to learn to remain calmn in all situations, and i want to be able to work things out. i don't know, i don't want to be angry anymore, so i'm giving in and i'm just going to be happy, because i've realized being angry is a waste of time, and the effects usually hurt rather then help. i'm no longer angry and christine, kym, and cat though they desserted me when i needed them the most. it took me a while, but i can forgive them, and i know NEVER to do that to ANYONE. there's no point in hurting some one to prove a precious point. if some one makes a stupid decision it doesn't need to be shoved in their faces. and i know cat may never forgive me, and christine and kym may forgive me but look down on me for a while, but i know what i did was my decision, and i've decided to not regret it and to be thankful. every decision good or bad will teach you something if you just look hard enough. i had an epiphany the other day and have decided to look into the buddhist religion.i know that i might not be able to give up everything, but i'm going to try, because they seem to preach a peace with themselves and their decisions, it's no one elses fault but their own, and i respect that. i also respect that they preach peace and not hurting another living being and to treat people with respect because no one deserves to be treated like dirt.
also these days of adventure have been quite exciting, but i think i may be ready to cool down for a little, though i still want to be able to see the world, and experience everything, i might relax for the year, i have a long time to discover things.
which brings me to my next point, i don't understand how people don't dream and don't want some sort of adventure, i don't understand homebodies who would take the comfort over discovery. how could you let a big great huge world full of awesome oppurtunities pass you by because of fear. well, it's their decision. i know mine.
another thing i'd like to adress is everyone's need for another human being. everyone looks to everyone else for comfort with themselves. i'm not saying having a boyfriend/girlfriend is neccessarily a bad thing, but depending on them to be happy or to be content definatly is. i mean, i like some one, but i couldn't possible imagine depending on them for my own happiness. it sounds so absurd, because then you'll never be happy with yourself. simple things are enjoyable alone, like a nice long walk outside, but how can you enjoy it if your constantly thinking about some one else? even worse, when one turns to another because of habit, i've been there, but had enough self control to break the habit, because it's unhealthy...
and i've also decided other cultures fascinate me and i want to know as much about them as possible, i want to open my eyes to the whole wide world, because i'm just one small person in out of millions in one small country out of hundreds, so why not learn as much as possible about everyone else while i'm here. i mean, maybe thats why there's so much war and so much fighting, because of ignorance. ignorance and refusal to learn any better. "oh they're bad because they believe this" that's stupid, learn the other side of the thought. you may not agree with it, but that doesn't mean you have to hate some one else for it. it's the beautiful thing about people, they are all entirely different.
another thing i've been pondering lately after i read Looking For Alaska is where do we go after we die. i'd rather not believe we sit cold in the ground. at the end of the book the author goes on a tangent about how matter is neither destroyed or created, and people are not just matter, they're something more, so maybe the something more goes some where else, because it's not just going to dissapear.
that's enough of my philisophical bull shit for one day, i feel bad for anyone who actually reads the whole thing.
also these days of adventure have been quite exciting, but i think i may be ready to cool down for a little, though i still want to be able to see the world, and experience everything, i might relax for the year, i have a long time to discover things.
which brings me to my next point, i don't understand how people don't dream and don't want some sort of adventure, i don't understand homebodies who would take the comfort over discovery. how could you let a big great huge world full of awesome oppurtunities pass you by because of fear. well, it's their decision. i know mine.
another thing i'd like to adress is everyone's need for another human being. everyone looks to everyone else for comfort with themselves. i'm not saying having a boyfriend/girlfriend is neccessarily a bad thing, but depending on them to be happy or to be content definatly is. i mean, i like some one, but i couldn't possible imagine depending on them for my own happiness. it sounds so absurd, because then you'll never be happy with yourself. simple things are enjoyable alone, like a nice long walk outside, but how can you enjoy it if your constantly thinking about some one else? even worse, when one turns to another because of habit, i've been there, but had enough self control to break the habit, because it's unhealthy...
and i've also decided other cultures fascinate me and i want to know as much about them as possible, i want to open my eyes to the whole wide world, because i'm just one small person in out of millions in one small country out of hundreds, so why not learn as much as possible about everyone else while i'm here. i mean, maybe thats why there's so much war and so much fighting, because of ignorance. ignorance and refusal to learn any better. "oh they're bad because they believe this" that's stupid, learn the other side of the thought. you may not agree with it, but that doesn't mean you have to hate some one else for it. it's the beautiful thing about people, they are all entirely different.
another thing i've been pondering lately after i read Looking For Alaska is where do we go after we die. i'd rather not believe we sit cold in the ground. at the end of the book the author goes on a tangent about how matter is neither destroyed or created, and people are not just matter, they're something more, so maybe the something more goes some where else, because it's not just going to dissapear.
that's enough of my philisophical bull shit for one day, i feel bad for anyone who actually reads the whole thing.