(no subject)
Can't sleep. It's back again, dark and firey and looming.
The writer's itch.
It's been years since it's been this bad, but I suppose, every so often, before now, I've found a way to appease it, just a little, just a tidbit here and there.
Recently, I've just been too busy or too tired. I just covered it up with a bit of TV or reading a story here and there. I thought that would satisfy it for a bit. But tonight, my internet hasn't been working very well, I haven't watched a single episode... and BAM, there it is. Back. Eating away at the pit of my stomach. It's 1 am, and I can't sleep. The monster (muse?) is here, gnawing away at me, pushing me to put thoughts on paper (screen). So here I am, on lj, at 1:04 am... writing something, anything, just to keep it at bay until the morning.
Soothing, soothing balm of words. It's not quite enough, not really, but I hope it will do for now. I'm friggen tired. XD;
...Okay, no, I guess that wasn't quite enough. So what's going on in my life? Eh, not a ton. Well, no, that's a lie, there's always something going on. I make sure of it. Saturday night, I'm going to go out drinking with a bunch of strangers. Makes me anxious. Very anxious. But I'm bringing a friend, and they sound nice... so I hope it will be fun.
Said friend is a friend from college. Someone I brought over here. I didn't hire her, of course, an acquaintance did; an acquaintance I trusted perhaps more than I should have. Not that that would have stopped me from trying to bring her over. It got lonely here, being a single island of America for so long in the midst of the Japanese countryside, and I wanted a familiar face. Hopefully we can make it work.
Otherwise... well, very happy my sister has moved into an apartment. Hooray. I've just missed a huge, dramatic portion of her life, because I've been too busy over here on the other side of the world. Dammit.
Older brother now has a PhD. That's good. Wonder if I want one. But if I did, what would I study? English? Languages? I don't know. I like learning about life. I like writing about life. I like experiencing life. Holed up in a university, I don't know, I feel like I wouldn't actually experience as much anymore. And that's what I live for right now: experiences. New ones every day. New people every day.
Okay, that's a lie. No, I do see new people every day. I just somehow don't really care about that very much right now. I just want the new experiences right now. Strange thirst for new things, a lust that runs parallel with my writer's itch... maybe they're the same thing. I don't know.
Recently I've become re-addicted to Words with Friends. Hm. I get to throw letters together and that makes me happy. Puzzles. Puzzlemania. Reminds me of House... maybe I need a Wilson to distract me.
Wilson... friends... I want to meet new people, sure, but at the same time I don't. Sometimes I just want to sit alone at home and be antisocial with my puzzles or writing or projects. Go away, let me speak to my computer screen in peace. Not surprisingly, the "friends" part of words with friends has become irrelevant as I click the "random opponent" button incessantly. No need to bother friends, after all, I just want a puzzle. I love my friends, sure, but sometimes I just want my brainspace goddamit.
Brainspace. There is none anymore. Thoughts and sounds, my brain is a veritable train station, a main transportation hub of noise and conversation with myself and myself as those thought-trains go whizzing by, too fast for me to see, too quick for me to hop on hop off change trains keep going take a breath
need more trains love trains keep going, keep going why do i need to stop and take a breather after all i'm me if I have all these trains I must be able to keep track of them well enough, why worry?
Did Einstein ever get lost in his own brain space? An egotistical thought, that one, comparing my brain space to that of such a highly-respected man who is generally agreed to be "one of the greatest geniuses of all time." But there is one thing I know about him, and that's that he is said to have worn the same get-up every day-- a different set of clothes, of course, but the same outfit-- and kept a large number of them ready in his closet. Why? Because he didn't have the brainspace to think about something as mundane as what to wear every day.
Brainspace, brainspace, brainspace, maybe I just need to defrag, maybe my hard drives have simply become fragmented, and I need to sit down and run a defragging program. Does Windows still have that problem, I wonder. Hm.
But my eyes are tired and my stomach has settled; the itch has eased up a bit. Perhaps now I can sleep.
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.