LJ Sims: Day 4
Cast your mind back to the distant past. The month was May. You may have been sat in a similar position to where you are now. Maybe you're wearing the same t-shirt. Maybe you lost that t-shirt long ago. Anyway, I'll get to the fucking point. I've got a few weeks to spare, and realised that I should probably do something more productive than waiting for pizzas to crisp and refreshing my Facebook news feed.
Unfortunately, I don't have any Lego with me, so that shot down my first idea somewhat. Then, browsing through some files on my computer, I found a relic of old. A folder labelled “LJ Sims.”
Last we heard from our motley crew of house-sharing adventurers, Richard had burnt half the kitchen to a blackened crisp, leaving Hazel in a condition that could be considered 'unboxed, slightly damaged' at best. JMQ was charming his way through the household, Kath had been strangely inactive since her day of entertaining locals in a hot tub, Lucy was being perved on by a certain housemate and Robin was getting strangely intimate with the intense talking-to-a-volleyball insanity of David. Rach was having a Bad Day.
Day 4
The middle of the night, and half the house is tucked up safely and comfortably in bed. Some more comfortably than others.
Two of our more concious labrats were Lucy and Hazel, who seemed to be making overt efforts to avoid each other, despite seemingly having the exact same midnight regime of coffee drinking and toast eating. Perhaps these are activities that are best enjoyed in solitude. Or perhaps Lucy Mudkip had learnt from her experience with Robin a few days earlier and wanted to avoid the whole “competition of mutual disgust” again.
Hazel, however, was having none of this. She offered out the olive brave of friendship to Lucy, which was met with a resounding “shut the fuck up” and a motion that was either simulating injecting a sedative into the crook of her own arm or a desperate attempt to numb the pain of conversation by cutting one of her limbs off with nothing but air and willpower.
Persistence seems to work with Lucy, however, and she soon came around, the sheer force of their new-found friendship forcing their actions to synch up entirely.
This clearly put Hazel in a bit of a good mood, as she tried to bond with David over a shared distaste for Robin's overpoweringly musky odour (this was probably a bit of a low blow, considering the previous night's sleeping arrangements). However, David seems to be immune to Hazel's power to get people in phase with her. The clueless boy was so strong a repellent to this power that the pair managed to short out a nearby household appliance.
In a move of immense intuition, Richard (already sat at the computer) rushed to the rescue, immediately emailing for help. He then sat back and continued to play SSX, safe in the knowledge that the world had been brought back from the brink of disaster. Until next time. Anyway, the building was soon tended to by a man in plaid, who cared not for the sparking, flickering, juddering box in the kitchen and instead re-tuned the as-far-as-anyone-knew perfectly serviceable piano. Then he left. No garbage disposal for you, Mudkips. The chequered hippie has decreed that garbage disposal is a luxury, but pitch-perfect music is a necessity.
Rising from his seat after a hard morning of gaming, Richard fulfilled one of his life ambitions and made some sandwiches. I can't help but think that there might have been some lunch-envy, as JMQ effortlessly trumped Richard's ham sandwich with his own, perfectly grilled Toasted Ham Sandwich. You win again, JMQ. This is what happens when your goals in life revolve around staple foods.
The sweetness of JMQ's culinary victory was soon forgotten, as the group suddenly had more pressing concerns than showing up Richard in the kitchen. The piano. Robin had started attempting to mash his unintentionally clenched fists on the keys of the newly tuned instrument, with less than inspiring results. Kath and Rach were quickly on the scene to administer a healthy dose of criticism. At one point, Rach looked like she may have been about to vomit at the disgusting things Robin was doing to the medium of music.
Not even stopping could stop the heckling. A most energetic booing to the face ensued.
Failing at the piano, Robin decided to vent his creative frustrations on a nearby woman, presumably demanding she get back in the kitchen. This simultaneously fulfilled Lucy's ambition to apparently be a victim of domestic violence.
Meanwhile, JMQ was attempting to impress Kath and Hazel with a series of thrusts in their general direction... results were as could be expected. At this point, Richard entered, sniping our dancer's attempts and becoming “best friends forever” with Kath.
Yes, now Richard had JMQ on the run. Now he had fought him on his own turf, it was time to seek vengance for his earlier defeat and do what noone had done before.
Oh yes, hot dogs. And to add sweetness to the victory, it turned out to be a life ambition of many of the housemates to eat charred tubes of processed meat. Even JMQ himself.
On a winning streak, Richard then turned to David, with tales of his amazing online adventures winning yet another best friend.
In celebration for his multiple victories, Richard climaxed with his greatest trick in his arsenal. Holding a cup in each hand while levitating another cup in front of his face.
However, by this time, everyone had pretty much had enough of Richard being the centre of attention and had left him to his own devices.
After he'd left, much of the house reconvened in the kitchen, getting on with their lives as they had before.
JMQ, you have some explaining to do...
So... uh... That concludes Day 4. If you got this far... thanks ^^; I'll try to carry on with it if it proves to be at all entertaining. Hell, at least it gives me something to write about.
Unfortunately, I don't have any Lego with me, so that shot down my first idea somewhat. Then, browsing through some files on my computer, I found a relic of old. A folder labelled “LJ Sims.”
Last we heard from our motley crew of house-sharing adventurers, Richard had burnt half the kitchen to a blackened crisp, leaving Hazel in a condition that could be considered 'unboxed, slightly damaged' at best. JMQ was charming his way through the household, Kath had been strangely inactive since her day of entertaining locals in a hot tub, Lucy was being perved on by a certain housemate and Robin was getting strangely intimate with the intense talking-to-a-volleyball insanity of David. Rach was having a Bad Day.
Day 4
The middle of the night, and half the house is tucked up safely and comfortably in bed. Some more comfortably than others.
Two of our more concious labrats were Lucy and Hazel, who seemed to be making overt efforts to avoid each other, despite seemingly having the exact same midnight regime of coffee drinking and toast eating. Perhaps these are activities that are best enjoyed in solitude. Or perhaps Lucy Mudkip had learnt from her experience with Robin a few days earlier and wanted to avoid the whole “competition of mutual disgust” again.
Hazel, however, was having none of this. She offered out the olive brave of friendship to Lucy, which was met with a resounding “shut the fuck up” and a motion that was either simulating injecting a sedative into the crook of her own arm or a desperate attempt to numb the pain of conversation by cutting one of her limbs off with nothing but air and willpower.
Persistence seems to work with Lucy, however, and she soon came around, the sheer force of their new-found friendship forcing their actions to synch up entirely.
This clearly put Hazel in a bit of a good mood, as she tried to bond with David over a shared distaste for Robin's overpoweringly musky odour (this was probably a bit of a low blow, considering the previous night's sleeping arrangements). However, David seems to be immune to Hazel's power to get people in phase with her. The clueless boy was so strong a repellent to this power that the pair managed to short out a nearby household appliance.
In a move of immense intuition, Richard (already sat at the computer) rushed to the rescue, immediately emailing for help. He then sat back and continued to play SSX, safe in the knowledge that the world had been brought back from the brink of disaster. Until next time. Anyway, the building was soon tended to by a man in plaid, who cared not for the sparking, flickering, juddering box in the kitchen and instead re-tuned the as-far-as-anyone-knew perfectly serviceable piano. Then he left. No garbage disposal for you, Mudkips. The chequered hippie has decreed that garbage disposal is a luxury, but pitch-perfect music is a necessity.
Rising from his seat after a hard morning of gaming, Richard fulfilled one of his life ambitions and made some sandwiches. I can't help but think that there might have been some lunch-envy, as JMQ effortlessly trumped Richard's ham sandwich with his own, perfectly grilled Toasted Ham Sandwich. You win again, JMQ. This is what happens when your goals in life revolve around staple foods.
The sweetness of JMQ's culinary victory was soon forgotten, as the group suddenly had more pressing concerns than showing up Richard in the kitchen. The piano. Robin had started attempting to mash his unintentionally clenched fists on the keys of the newly tuned instrument, with less than inspiring results. Kath and Rach were quickly on the scene to administer a healthy dose of criticism. At one point, Rach looked like she may have been about to vomit at the disgusting things Robin was doing to the medium of music.
Not even stopping could stop the heckling. A most energetic booing to the face ensued.
Failing at the piano, Robin decided to vent his creative frustrations on a nearby woman, presumably demanding she get back in the kitchen. This simultaneously fulfilled Lucy's ambition to apparently be a victim of domestic violence.
Meanwhile, JMQ was attempting to impress Kath and Hazel with a series of thrusts in their general direction... results were as could be expected. At this point, Richard entered, sniping our dancer's attempts and becoming “best friends forever” with Kath.
Yes, now Richard had JMQ on the run. Now he had fought him on his own turf, it was time to seek vengance for his earlier defeat and do what noone had done before.
Oh yes, hot dogs. And to add sweetness to the victory, it turned out to be a life ambition of many of the housemates to eat charred tubes of processed meat. Even JMQ himself.
On a winning streak, Richard then turned to David, with tales of his amazing online adventures winning yet another best friend.
In celebration for his multiple victories, Richard climaxed with his greatest trick in his arsenal. Holding a cup in each hand while levitating another cup in front of his face.
However, by this time, everyone had pretty much had enough of Richard being the centre of attention and had left him to his own devices.
After he'd left, much of the house reconvened in the kitchen, getting on with their lives as they had before.
JMQ, you have some explaining to do...
So... uh... That concludes Day 4. If you got this far... thanks ^^; I'll try to carry on with it if it proves to be at all entertaining. Hell, at least it gives me something to write about.