exams tomorrow? eeeep.
this is going to be mushy and just blah. if you aren't in the mood to read my sad shitty love problems, do not read. this is my warning.
i'm tired of thinking about him. and thinking that he wants the same thing. obviously, when he says he 'wants' me and i say i 'want' him, we are talking in different context. i mean i want to be with him, he means he wants in my pants. ehh, lame ass. maybe if i could get the courage to ask him about what exactly is going on, i wouldn't feel so confused. but, i can't talk to him.. it's my true flaw. i hate him knowing how much i care about him, and opening up to him always hurts me so much. i think "maybe this time he feels the same way" and i tell him how i feel, and he tells me what i want to hear. then 2 weeks later, we hate each other. jennie says it's sexual tension. and that if we would just shut up and be together and have sex and get it out of the way, we will be happy. maybe she's right. i'm also mad at him for trying to push me to do it the other night, when i clearly told him no. now i'm of course extremely angry with him. which jennie says is because i want to really bad but that i just can't bring myself to do it. she's right with that one, i want to.. but i shouldn't. i hate thinking too much into things. thinking that it should be "perfect", i told jennie i almost just want to do it to get it over with. but how fucking lame is that?
2.5 days until i gain my freedom. <3
i'm tired of thinking about him. and thinking that he wants the same thing. obviously, when he says he 'wants' me and i say i 'want' him, we are talking in different context. i mean i want to be with him, he means he wants in my pants. ehh, lame ass. maybe if i could get the courage to ask him about what exactly is going on, i wouldn't feel so confused. but, i can't talk to him.. it's my true flaw. i hate him knowing how much i care about him, and opening up to him always hurts me so much. i think "maybe this time he feels the same way" and i tell him how i feel, and he tells me what i want to hear. then 2 weeks later, we hate each other. jennie says it's sexual tension. and that if we would just shut up and be together and have sex and get it out of the way, we will be happy. maybe she's right. i'm also mad at him for trying to push me to do it the other night, when i clearly told him no. now i'm of course extremely angry with him. which jennie says is because i want to really bad but that i just can't bring myself to do it. she's right with that one, i want to.. but i shouldn't. i hate thinking too much into things. thinking that it should be "perfect", i told jennie i almost just want to do it to get it over with. but how fucking lame is that?
2.5 days until i gain my freedom. <3