(no subject)
So I finally realized something. haha I've come to realized why I get so jealous of other girls talking to Daniel or friends or ex's from his past hanging out with him lately...it's bc when I first started working at NB he was the only person I was comfortbable around and could really talk to haha i wasn't attracted to him whatsoever but as the first two months went by I started crushing a little bit. It's bc there's just something quirky about him that I have yet to find in any other guy I've dated or liked and I can't explain it...it's like once you get to know him and be around him and how crazy he acts you just fall for him. And I think that's what I'm scared about most is I guess losing him to some other girl that will see what I see in him or knew this before I met him and they'll take him from me. I've never had this feeling about a guy..ya I really cared and said I loved guys in my past and ya at the time I did but everything that I went through with them just wasn't worth it at all and it's really made me come to realize what I want and need out of a relationship. With everything that has been going on lately in my life all the stress and craziness and how upset I've been getting Daniel hasn't given up on me or anything and it's kinda weird bc I'm just used to a guy being like this is too much I can't do this...but with him it's different and I know how lame that is but it's so true. Does anyone know what I mean? Lately it's almost like I'm scared of getting hurt and him hurting me first that I try to push him away and I think that's where all the anger and jealousy comes from too. gah.
The other day at work we were all joking around about what people do or look like what they're saying when they walk by and I know that's awful but I know people do it to me too when I walk by haha. And I was joking around like gah I wonder what people think of me or are saying about me when I walk by and Daniel looked right at me and was like you know exactly what people say about you. They're thinking mmmhmmm she looks good or damn or uhoh she's gotta nose ring? haha I wonder what else. He was like you're very attractive and guys see that and I'm thinking ok I've never really thought so much of that especially about myself if anything and just hearing him say that was really sweet and no guy has ever just really showed he cared for me or done stuff for me like daniel. Ya I really thought Zac was all great and wonderful and I'm not saying that Daniel is perfect, but damn Zac never made me as happy as Daniel has and to be honest at the time I didn't really care about Zac or find him attractive in any way not physically or emotionally but I do for Daniel I feel like we have this connection or something. Idk.
It's crazy how excited I get about seeing him and just spending time with him and I know we've only been together for 3months, but I wanna be with him for longer and just see where everything goes I enjoy being around him and how crazy he is and how he kisses and looks at me and his muddy water eye color haha and how his right eye twitches sometimes...it's the little things about him that are just adorable. Even if he is the total opposite of me and a computer geek idk...i like him a lot. I wanna stay happy like this and I know I've had all these weird mood swings with him but I honestly think it's the stress and the subconscious thought of losing him so i push him away before he can hurt me first. and I really need to stop doing that.
haha gah I need to talk to him about a bunch of stuff. But I get kinda nervous about going to see him to much or wanting to talk to him about things wondering what he's gonna say or think about me drives me up the wall. But idk...that's just how he's been making me feel lately.
But anyways, enough about him! It looks like Spring is finally on it's way =] and I'm so excited about it I love when it gets warmer I can't wait till Spring Break and just relaxing and having a couple days off. I can't wait for my parents to go outta town so I can have a break from that too and I know that's awful. I just hope they have a safe trip to Chicago. I'm really excited about this summer especially if me and Daniel are still together, which I really hope so keep your fingers crossed! haha, and going out at night and having days off to relax and makin' some money and not having to take a full load of classes in the fall since I'll be able to get insurance from work which will be very nice. And I'm still not sure what exactly what I want to do yet so what I'm thinking about is going downtown to the Birmingham News and talking to them about an internship and maybe doing something like that and getting my foot in the door and hopefully one day write books or write columns for magazines like Cosmo or Seventeen bc I think that's what I would like to do the most and I just overall want to be happy with my life and have kids and get married and have a cute house and enjoy life and have my family and friends around me as much as possible.
I just think this whole first year of college has sucked overall I don't like it so far haha. And I get so sick and tired of how people meaning my friends talk about community colleges being crappy and not that good of teachers well excuse me that my family isn't a bunch of snobs that HAVE to have you go to a university to show off bc community colleges are just as nice as universitys and to be honest what are your parents doing with their university degrees? exactly, there's my point. I just don't like going bc I HAVE to have a full time job and full time school and it's fucking hard. Ya, it makes me work harder and I appreciate things a hell of a lot more than some people but it'll only make me stronger in the end. gah sorry I had to vent a little bit somethings have been just pissing me off lately.
Overall life is pretty good right now. I'm happy with Daniel and trying to get along with my family and I'm trying to put an effort in seeing my friends but it's not working out so well which is getting annoying so whatever and everything is else is just stressful. Bc with my whole nanny thing Steven is at UAB hospital and is in the ICU and has 3rd degree burns and he's lost the house, his truck, EVERYTHING and I feel bad to a point bc my nanny loved him and he loved her but it makes me SICK that he went had some slut over at MY NANNY'S HOUSE right after she died. ughhh so really I could care less what happens to him right now. gah. And we're trying to get all her stuff out of her house and it's hard right now since I work practically every weekend and I don't ever get a chance to do anything anymore and it just seems like none of my friends understand but whatever.
I'm done venting haha.
have a great week!
The other day at work we were all joking around about what people do or look like what they're saying when they walk by and I know that's awful but I know people do it to me too when I walk by haha. And I was joking around like gah I wonder what people think of me or are saying about me when I walk by and Daniel looked right at me and was like you know exactly what people say about you. They're thinking mmmhmmm she looks good or damn or uhoh she's gotta nose ring? haha I wonder what else. He was like you're very attractive and guys see that and I'm thinking ok I've never really thought so much of that especially about myself if anything and just hearing him say that was really sweet and no guy has ever just really showed he cared for me or done stuff for me like daniel. Ya I really thought Zac was all great and wonderful and I'm not saying that Daniel is perfect, but damn Zac never made me as happy as Daniel has and to be honest at the time I didn't really care about Zac or find him attractive in any way not physically or emotionally but I do for Daniel I feel like we have this connection or something. Idk.
It's crazy how excited I get about seeing him and just spending time with him and I know we've only been together for 3months, but I wanna be with him for longer and just see where everything goes I enjoy being around him and how crazy he is and how he kisses and looks at me and his muddy water eye color haha and how his right eye twitches sometimes...it's the little things about him that are just adorable. Even if he is the total opposite of me and a computer geek idk...i like him a lot. I wanna stay happy like this and I know I've had all these weird mood swings with him but I honestly think it's the stress and the subconscious thought of losing him so i push him away before he can hurt me first. and I really need to stop doing that.
haha gah I need to talk to him about a bunch of stuff. But I get kinda nervous about going to see him to much or wanting to talk to him about things wondering what he's gonna say or think about me drives me up the wall. But idk...that's just how he's been making me feel lately.
But anyways, enough about him! It looks like Spring is finally on it's way =] and I'm so excited about it I love when it gets warmer I can't wait till Spring Break and just relaxing and having a couple days off. I can't wait for my parents to go outta town so I can have a break from that too and I know that's awful. I just hope they have a safe trip to Chicago. I'm really excited about this summer especially if me and Daniel are still together, which I really hope so keep your fingers crossed! haha, and going out at night and having days off to relax and makin' some money and not having to take a full load of classes in the fall since I'll be able to get insurance from work which will be very nice. And I'm still not sure what exactly what I want to do yet so what I'm thinking about is going downtown to the Birmingham News and talking to them about an internship and maybe doing something like that and getting my foot in the door and hopefully one day write books or write columns for magazines like Cosmo or Seventeen bc I think that's what I would like to do the most and I just overall want to be happy with my life and have kids and get married and have a cute house and enjoy life and have my family and friends around me as much as possible.
I just think this whole first year of college has sucked overall I don't like it so far haha. And I get so sick and tired of how people meaning my friends talk about community colleges being crappy and not that good of teachers well excuse me that my family isn't a bunch of snobs that HAVE to have you go to a university to show off bc community colleges are just as nice as universitys and to be honest what are your parents doing with their university degrees? exactly, there's my point. I just don't like going bc I HAVE to have a full time job and full time school and it's fucking hard. Ya, it makes me work harder and I appreciate things a hell of a lot more than some people but it'll only make me stronger in the end. gah sorry I had to vent a little bit somethings have been just pissing me off lately.
Overall life is pretty good right now. I'm happy with Daniel and trying to get along with my family and I'm trying to put an effort in seeing my friends but it's not working out so well which is getting annoying so whatever and everything is else is just stressful. Bc with my whole nanny thing Steven is at UAB hospital and is in the ICU and has 3rd degree burns and he's lost the house, his truck, EVERYTHING and I feel bad to a point bc my nanny loved him and he loved her but it makes me SICK that he went had some slut over at MY NANNY'S HOUSE right after she died. ughhh so really I could care less what happens to him right now. gah. And we're trying to get all her stuff out of her house and it's hard right now since I work practically every weekend and I don't ever get a chance to do anything anymore and it just seems like none of my friends understand but whatever.
I'm done venting haha.
have a great week!