Is it early or late?
Its kinda funny how things go sometimes. i think that it is safe to say that in the last few months my life has been turned on its ass. The very few things that i was once sure of now seem to have no meaning anymore. From about the time that i was 9 or 10 if you asked me what i wanted to do when i grew up i would have told you that i wanted to be a soldier of some type. Now the thought that in less than a year i will fulfill my most important childhood dream is absolutely meaningless to me. Shannon has made me realize that much of what i once wanted in life is bullshit. and how could it not be. anything that would keep me away from the reason i roll my ass out of bed every morning cant be good for me. and so i have decided after much internal debate that if april rolls around and i still feel the way that i do right now then im going to tell the marines that they can go fuck themselves. I really have no desire to do anything that doesnt involve her. the rest of my day seems like a punishment for not being good enough. And all of these thoughts and feelings that are crashing around in my head are starting to drive me insane. i cant help but dwell on mistakes past and present and that it is the little meaningless things that hurt the most. i still awake every morning amazed that she sees anything worthwhile in me. The fact of the matter is she could have anyone in the entire fucking world that she wanted and she picked me. i have not a clue how i got to be so lucky. there are so many better guys out there but she has stayed with me. i know i dont deserve this. sometimes i lay awake at night wondering when the other shoe will fall. i mean it has to right? nothing this good has ever happened before, ive never been this happy so of course something bad has to happen. all i know is that when i does i will fight tooth and nail to stay by her side. we have been told many a time how sickening we are when we're together because for us the world seems to disappear and we get lost in each other. It is safe to say that i have never loved someone so much or know so definitely that i want to be hers for as long as she will allow. we have been dating for only 5 months and 12 days and it feels as if we have been together forever. We can lay in bed for 10 hours doing absolutely nothing at all and be just as fucking happy as is humanly possible. she can make me smile after the shittiest days and the thought of those people who have hurt her and the things that they caused leave me trembling in the blackest rage. Shannon I love you and nothing else matters anymore.
