(no subject)
It's times like this [actually always], when I feel the most alone. I'm going to be doing major venting for the next bit, so if you don't want it hear it, [fuck you.] sorry.
I feel...alone. I find myself thinking about true love alot. I've never experienced it [and probably never will...]. I read people's journals, and I love you guys, I really do...but sometimes it just makes me so sad. Reading about your love lives. I know I can just close the box and not let it get to me, but I like reading it. It makes me feel all fluffy. Then I finish reading and it hits me....I've never even had a boyfriend.
No one has ever liked me like that before. [Well, Pat Webster did...but we were like, six and our idea of going out was sitting together at storytime.] I mean...I'm not a bad person....I'm just more of the best friend than the girlfriend.
You know?
I just want someone that I can hold in my arms, that will hold me in their arms. That I can cuddle with. Talk to. Be with. Someone I can hold hands with. That I can just sit with.
I don't have much luck with men...probably because I don't have a positive male influence in my life. I mean...yeah...I have a dad...but...i don't know. I just dont have a great relationship with him [understatement.]. I need a man in my life that will...i don't know...
I DONT KNOW.
I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IM TALKING ABOUT.
I'm not crying. [I'M FUCKING BAWLING.]. I know I shouldn't need a boy to make my life worth living, but it's something i really, really need.
My heart hurts from thinking about it at night.
I just don't want to be alone anymore...
I'm tired of this.
I want out. [Out.]
I feel...alone. I find myself thinking about true love alot. I've never experienced it [and probably never will...]. I read people's journals, and I love you guys, I really do...but sometimes it just makes me so sad. Reading about your love lives. I know I can just close the box and not let it get to me, but I like reading it. It makes me feel all fluffy. Then I finish reading and it hits me....I've never even had a boyfriend.
No one has ever liked me like that before. [Well, Pat Webster did...but we were like, six and our idea of going out was sitting together at storytime.] I mean...I'm not a bad person....I'm just more of the best friend than the girlfriend.
You know?
I just want someone that I can hold in my arms, that will hold me in their arms. That I can cuddle with. Talk to. Be with. Someone I can hold hands with. That I can just sit with.
I don't have much luck with men...probably because I don't have a positive male influence in my life. I mean...yeah...I have a dad...but...i don't know. I just dont have a great relationship with him [understatement.]. I need a man in my life that will...i don't know...
I DONT KNOW.
I DONT FUCKING KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IM TALKING ABOUT.
I'm not crying. [I'M FUCKING BAWLING.]. I know I shouldn't need a boy to make my life worth living, but it's something i really, really need.
My heart hurts from thinking about it at night.
I just don't want to be alone anymore...
I'm tired of this.
I want out. [Out.]