(no subject)
Okay. I'm pissed off.
Hi, I'm Kara, and I have a crap load of half ass "friends". Amara used to bitch and complain and say she was ''hurt'' that I never told her any of my ''secrets''. Maybe I never told her them, because I never had any?! Or maybe I never told her them, because I knew she would blab, because she's got a frikkin mouth the size of the whole in the ozone layer.
I told Lucy that I sortof liked David, see? And I made Lucy swear not to tell anyone. But what does she do, the VERY next morning?
She tells Amara.
I used to tell Amara everything. But she would ALWAYS--AAAAAAAAAAAAALWAYS blab it somehow!
Anyways. So Amara told me she knew. And that she was hurt that I didn't tell her. Whatever. We got passed that, she forgot about it by second period.
So yesterday, Amara, Lucy and I were in the Cafeteria, and Amara asks David to come over and eat with us. I gave her a ''don't even think about it!'' look. She responded with a, ''trust me'' look.
I knew what was coming...
I listened to David chatter on and on for what felt like minutes in French. I laughed at him, I thought it was sweet. then he switched over to English and I could barely understand a word he was saying.
"Ha, you're such a cutie, David!" I say, picking at my peice of Pizza. I glanced nervously at Amara, hoping and praying to God that she didn't say anything. I call everyone a cutie, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary.
Amara leans towards David, cupping her hand around her mouth. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, biting the inside of my lip.
"Kara has a crush on you!" She announces above a whisper.
I laugh, trying to make it seem like Amara was joking. Lucy looked at me and laughed a little too, knowing how hurt I must have been. Lucy looks down at her feet.
David smirks and looks at me, then crunches up his granola bar wrapper and tosses it in the garbage. "Yeah," He said laughing, then avoided making eye contact with me. "I figured that out already."
My jaw dropped open. I was seriously shocked. Then I clamped my mouth shut, knowing I had pizza in there. I wanted to cry.
"Well. I should go." David says, pushing his chair away and standing up.
Amara grins, "Where are you going?"
David frowns slightly. I gather up my courage. "He doesn't want to say, cause he doesn't want you to follow him." I say, trying to smile at him.
He still wouldn't look at me.
"You goin' to the Library, David?" Amara questioned him, her smile getting bigger.
His frown deepened. "Probably, yeah. Bye." He gave a little wave and headed towards the door.
"Kara loves you!" Amara cries, staring at his back as he left.
He didn't stop walking, he just left. "Oh yeah!" I yelled, trying to sound sarcastic. When the door to the Cafeteria shut, I ripped a part off my pizza and threw it at Amara. It hit her on the cheek and bounced off. "What the fuck!?" I shrieked.
She smirked. "He think's I'm joking..."
I laughed and pretended like it didn't bother me. I looked out the window after exchanging a look with Lucy, trying to hide the hurt I felt.
That's pretty much how it went down. This always happens, Amara always gets jealous of me when a boy might like me. See, I've never had a boyfriend. I've always been more of the bestfriend then the girlfriend. Amara has always had boys falling at her feet.
So...
When I finally start to get close to a boy...
She humiliates me and drives them away.
Cause see, David hasn't spoken a word to me since then.
I'm really hurt that I can't trust my friends. REALLY hurt. I have no one to really talk to about this stuff. Because it's all held against me.
Okay. And something else.
Amara loves Jacob. He has no idea. I'm getting freaked out by myself, because I'm seriously considering telling Jacob that Amara loves him.
But I don't want to stoop to her level.
Just cause she hurt me, doesn;t really give me the right to hurt her.
No one deserves to feel the pain that I do. :(
I'm hurting, guys.
I really am.
What am I going to do?
Hi, I'm Kara, and I have a crap load of half ass "friends". Amara used to bitch and complain and say she was ''hurt'' that I never told her any of my ''secrets''. Maybe I never told her them, because I never had any?! Or maybe I never told her them, because I knew she would blab, because she's got a frikkin mouth the size of the whole in the ozone layer.
I told Lucy that I sortof liked David, see? And I made Lucy swear not to tell anyone. But what does she do, the VERY next morning?
She tells Amara.
I used to tell Amara everything. But she would ALWAYS--AAAAAAAAAAAAALWAYS blab it somehow!
Anyways. So Amara told me she knew. And that she was hurt that I didn't tell her. Whatever. We got passed that, she forgot about it by second period.
So yesterday, Amara, Lucy and I were in the Cafeteria, and Amara asks David to come over and eat with us. I gave her a ''don't even think about it!'' look. She responded with a, ''trust me'' look.
I knew what was coming...
I listened to David chatter on and on for what felt like minutes in French. I laughed at him, I thought it was sweet. then he switched over to English and I could barely understand a word he was saying.
"Ha, you're such a cutie, David!" I say, picking at my peice of Pizza. I glanced nervously at Amara, hoping and praying to God that she didn't say anything. I call everyone a cutie, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary.
Amara leans towards David, cupping her hand around her mouth. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, biting the inside of my lip.
"Kara has a crush on you!" She announces above a whisper.
I laugh, trying to make it seem like Amara was joking. Lucy looked at me and laughed a little too, knowing how hurt I must have been. Lucy looks down at her feet.
David smirks and looks at me, then crunches up his granola bar wrapper and tosses it in the garbage. "Yeah," He said laughing, then avoided making eye contact with me. "I figured that out already."
My jaw dropped open. I was seriously shocked. Then I clamped my mouth shut, knowing I had pizza in there. I wanted to cry.
"Well. I should go." David says, pushing his chair away and standing up.
Amara grins, "Where are you going?"
David frowns slightly. I gather up my courage. "He doesn't want to say, cause he doesn't want you to follow him." I say, trying to smile at him.
He still wouldn't look at me.
"You goin' to the Library, David?" Amara questioned him, her smile getting bigger.
His frown deepened. "Probably, yeah. Bye." He gave a little wave and headed towards the door.
"Kara loves you!" Amara cries, staring at his back as he left.
He didn't stop walking, he just left. "Oh yeah!" I yelled, trying to sound sarcastic. When the door to the Cafeteria shut, I ripped a part off my pizza and threw it at Amara. It hit her on the cheek and bounced off. "What the fuck!?" I shrieked.
She smirked. "He think's I'm joking..."
I laughed and pretended like it didn't bother me. I looked out the window after exchanging a look with Lucy, trying to hide the hurt I felt.
That's pretty much how it went down. This always happens, Amara always gets jealous of me when a boy might like me. See, I've never had a boyfriend. I've always been more of the bestfriend then the girlfriend. Amara has always had boys falling at her feet.
So...
When I finally start to get close to a boy...
She humiliates me and drives them away.
Cause see, David hasn't spoken a word to me since then.
I'm really hurt that I can't trust my friends. REALLY hurt. I have no one to really talk to about this stuff. Because it's all held against me.
Okay. And something else.
Amara loves Jacob. He has no idea. I'm getting freaked out by myself, because I'm seriously considering telling Jacob that Amara loves him.
But I don't want to stoop to her level.
Just cause she hurt me, doesn;t really give me the right to hurt her.
No one deserves to feel the pain that I do. :(
I'm hurting, guys.
I really am.
What am I going to do?