Wherever You Go
Title: Wherever You Go
Pairings: Merlin/Gwaine.
Rating: PG/PG-13. Nothing serious.
Warings: Canon character death. Near death experiences. Awful writing? This is really bad, but I’ve never done this before, never planned to and probably won’t do it again. The tone is probably really off. Sorry in advance.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
Word count: 1250
AN: I just needed something that would fix Gwaine’s story. I tried to deal with Arthur’s death, but I’m not a writer at all, and I’m sure lots other people will do it beautifully.
I also refuse to believe Merlin would have left Camelot without going back at least to say goodbye to Gaius and Gwen. This didn't not happen.
It had taken him days to get back to Camelot. He’d wandered without thinking, his feet leading him home instinctively. He wasn’t sure Camelot would ever be home again.
Gwen is waiting for him when he gets back to the castle. He doesn't need to say a word, her red eyes and the set of her chin were enough. He nods. She’s reaches out for him but he pushes past her. Leon steps towards her instead, looking at Merlin with sorrow and anger and sympathy all at once. Halfway down the corridor he hears Gwen sigh.
“We all know Merlin. Thank you for everything.” She says stiffly, then falters. She takes a deep breath. “You had better go and see Percival. He’ll be in Gauis’ chambers.”
There’s sorrow in her voice that isn't to do with Arthur’s death. The heart Merlin didn't think he still had sinks.
Leon’s here. Percival’s with Gauis.
Gwaine.
Please no.
He makes his way to Gauis’ chambers the same way he got home, unthinking. He’s torn between racing there, desperate to reach the only thing he has left, and slowing right down. Turing and running and never ever having to hear the words “I'm sorry,” coming from Percival’s mouth.
He remembers Gwaine’s face the last time he saw him The last time he saw him.
Something breaks in Merlin. He begins to run. He feels his magic boiling up inside, doors are flying open in front of him. He crashes into the room, wind whipping around. Dimly he recognises Gaius and Percival look up in shock but all he sees is his other best friend lying in the bed. Still and unmoving.
No.
“Morgana did something to him. Tortured him. He’s been unconscious since then. I thought he was dead but he said your name. His breathing’s really shallow.” Percival says in a rush. It sounds as if he’s far away. There’s a roaring in Merlin's ears.
No.
“His pulse is weak but it’s there. There’s been no change since Percival brought him back. I've tried Merlin. There’s nothing we can do.” Gaius’ tone is resigned.
Merlin walks reverently towards Gwaine’s sick bed. He can feel the power burning underneath his skin.
“No. No one else.”
He kneels. One hand placed on Gwaine’s chest he closes his eyes and lets go.
He feels the power rush through him, a chord tying his and Gwaine’s life forces together. There’s crackling like lightning on his skin. The sound of roaring wind is near deafening. For one glorious moment he thinks he can do it.
But then it’s draining him. He starts to feel light-headed. He starts to feel like he’s slamming into a wall, then again and again. The power is dimming his vision goes dark. His head droops forward and the connection breaks.
Everything’s still for a moment. Merlin’s head is on Gwaine’s chest. It isn't moving.
He can hear Gaius’ terrified reprimands as if from a great distance. He’s shouting, calling Merlin reckless and a fool. He’s angry. So is Merlin.
He feels a hand of his shoulder. Percival, gentle but strong, trying to pull him away from Gwaine. He pushes him roughly away.
Gwaine’s still not breathing. His heart’s not beating. Merlin feels tears he didn't know he had left in him trail down his cheek. Everything. He’s now finally lost everything. He gives his magic one last desperate push.
There’s a noise like a gasp. A desperate inhalation of air. A whisper.
“Merlin”
Then everything’s black.
***
He wakes up in his bed. For a moment he forgets, and when he sees the sunlight streaming in through the window he realises he’s late for work. For Arthur.
He sits bolt upright in bed. His vision swims and his head pounds. His limbs feel like lead. It all comes flooding back Arthur.
He retches over the side of the bed.
When he finally makes it out of bed and out into Gauis’ main chamber he finally notices the voices.
They all stop at once as they look up at him.
Gaius beams and jumps to his feet with surprising speed. Gwen smiles wanly at him. Leon looks relieved and confused.
“Merlin!” Gaius exclaims, overly bright. "I'm so glad to see you up. You've been unconscious for days. Come, eat something.”
But Gwen’s following Merlin’s gaze. She places a quieting hand on Gaius’ arm and inclines her head towards the corner.
Gwaine’s stirring in his sleep. Merlin blunders his way across the room and reaches him just as he opens his eyes. He’s still a little pale, with dark circles around his eyes, but he looks back at Merlin the same way he always has. Merlin stares at him in disbelief for a minute, unable to accept that after all the things that have happened Gwaine’s actually here and safe and alive.
Then he’s hugging him tightly, afraid of hurting him and yet unable to stop himself.
“Don’t you ever do that to me again!” He half sobs.
“I could say the same thing about you.” Gwaine tries to sound playful but his voice sounds pained and hoarse.
***
Merlin can’t stay in Camelot. There’s too many reminders of the past. Too many reminders of his failures.
Gwen can’t look at him any more. He knows she needs time, but every time she glances away it feels like losing Arthur again. He should be at her ceremony right now, but he’s sure she would prefer Leon or Percival’s help anyway. They don’t have her husband’s blood on their hands. They didn't lie to her for ten years. Gwen’s a forgiving person, but Merlin’s not sure how long he can bear to wait.
He eases himself out from under the arm that’s circling his waist. Gwaine moves slightly in his sleep, but remains peaceful. He’s still weak, his eyes still dark ringed. He has trouble sleeping and sometimes screams in the night. He has a burn right over his heart which will probably never leave. At least Merlin hopes it won’t. He wants Gwaine to remember him, however selfish that is.
He begins to pack his meagre possessions into a bag. Most of things he owns remind him of his life here. Arthur. Gwen. Lancelot. Gaius Gwaine. He’s leaving them all behind today.
There’s a cough behind him. Gwaine’s pulling himself up in bed, and looking at him. His expression is softened by sleep but there’s suspicion under his easy smile.
“Come back to bed.”
“I can’t. I have to go. I…” He can’t meet Gwaine’s gaze. He was supposed to be away by now. “I can’t stay Gwaine. Not here. I have to go home.” Ealdor? Merlin doesn't even know where home means any more.
“But you and Gaius said I'm not fit to d anything et! I can’t go trekking across the countryside to become a farmer, Merlin.” Gwaine tries to smile nonchalantly and fails. He looks at Merlin, and his eyes are so many things at once. Expectant. Anxious. Teasing. Loving.
“Gwaine.” Merlin sighs. He’s about to say that he could never ask Gwaine to leave Camelot for him, but he’s always known deep down that he was the reason Gwaine was here in the first place.
Home could be person just as well as a place. Merlin can’t think of anything better than Gwaine.
And he couldn't let what Arthur and he had started go to waste. Maybe Gwen could learn to trust him again.
If Merlin had anything, it was time.