and i miss you..
so i havents updated in like forever and this will probly be the last one for like i dunno a few months intil i feel i need to vent again.
so today felt like i was in 8th grade not so much what happen at school just as in the people i talked to that i dont normally talk to and not only at my school but people i know from everywhere.i have been thinkin alot of desert mountain and as much as i say i had one of the worst times in my life i always catch myself thinking about the awesome memeroies i have had there and some of the greatest ppl i met there. i find myself wishing i was there again being able to tell the teacher you want to get out of class and go sit in another class and always having those goof off days just because the teachers didnt want to teach i truly miss those .. and highschool is all about proving to your parents you can do it there is never a fun day always work no matter what.. i cant remeber the last time i sat in class and just laughed and talked.
i miss when i came home and i always had those people to come home and tell how bad my day was or what went wrong they arent there anymore and as much as i try to tell myself they are they arent.sometimes i think about tellin *you* how i really feel and how much i hate/love you but then i think again you wont understand i thought i knew you soo well and you were always there but i was wrong you have become such a different person its unbelieve i honestly didnt think it would end up like this we both new eachother like we had been friend forever and know when we talk we act like we still know eachother but we dont and we both know it but both in such denial that we dont want to believe it has been so different and i didnt thhink you would change like this but you have and that is ok maybe i should just learn to forget and move on? sometimes i just want to tell you how much i miss you and how i could come home and talk to you forever on the phone and you would always tell me that everything would be ok .. but i guess that was the old you or did you become to cool for this? and it sucks how much i think about this its like im stuck in one part of the past and cant get over it. i just want to tell you I MISS YOU but when i talk to you its like a akward silence and to over come this silence we start to talk about dumb stuff and i always wonder what if i tell you how i feel would you actully undertand me but then again i wouldnt want you to do something uncool.but then again im always wrongg..
im so tired of crying its unbelieveable and crying for no reason at that.. sunday night my dad came in my room at like 2:30am and was like why are you crying and i couldnt tell him why because id idnt even know why i had been crying for hours and i still couldnt tell you exactly why and its always like that i just start crying and then i think why the hell am i crying and there is never a reason its just something i do and im SO TIRED of it but i think some of it is because i feel so alone all the people that are close to me its so hard me to tell them my problems because id rather act like everything is ok and keep it in my head because i hate sympathy or when people say it will be ok when they dont even know just say it to make you feel better.
people have been saying im such a cooler person this year and im not such a bitch.. its always reasuring that people thought i was a bitch last year .. its always nice to hear .. NOT! but i probly was a bitch i must admit im way more layed back then i ever have been probly cause i dont care what ppl say to me or what they think. its so crazy how today is march 1st this year will be over before we all know it and freshman year is gone.. time flys so fast summer will be here soon fuck yeah cant wait.. im totally stoked for this summer if last summer was as tight as it was im sure this summer will be tighter!!!
well im done with this.. and i know no one reads these but its good to be able to get stuff out
so today felt like i was in 8th grade not so much what happen at school just as in the people i talked to that i dont normally talk to and not only at my school but people i know from everywhere.i have been thinkin alot of desert mountain and as much as i say i had one of the worst times in my life i always catch myself thinking about the awesome memeroies i have had there and some of the greatest ppl i met there. i find myself wishing i was there again being able to tell the teacher you want to get out of class and go sit in another class and always having those goof off days just because the teachers didnt want to teach i truly miss those .. and highschool is all about proving to your parents you can do it there is never a fun day always work no matter what.. i cant remeber the last time i sat in class and just laughed and talked.
i miss when i came home and i always had those people to come home and tell how bad my day was or what went wrong they arent there anymore and as much as i try to tell myself they are they arent.sometimes i think about tellin *you* how i really feel and how much i hate/love you but then i think again you wont understand i thought i knew you soo well and you were always there but i was wrong you have become such a different person its unbelieve i honestly didnt think it would end up like this we both new eachother like we had been friend forever and know when we talk we act like we still know eachother but we dont and we both know it but both in such denial that we dont want to believe it has been so different and i didnt thhink you would change like this but you have and that is ok maybe i should just learn to forget and move on? sometimes i just want to tell you how much i miss you and how i could come home and talk to you forever on the phone and you would always tell me that everything would be ok .. but i guess that was the old you or did you become to cool for this? and it sucks how much i think about this its like im stuck in one part of the past and cant get over it. i just want to tell you I MISS YOU but when i talk to you its like a akward silence and to over come this silence we start to talk about dumb stuff and i always wonder what if i tell you how i feel would you actully undertand me but then again i wouldnt want you to do something uncool.but then again im always wrongg..
im so tired of crying its unbelieveable and crying for no reason at that.. sunday night my dad came in my room at like 2:30am and was like why are you crying and i couldnt tell him why because id idnt even know why i had been crying for hours and i still couldnt tell you exactly why and its always like that i just start crying and then i think why the hell am i crying and there is never a reason its just something i do and im SO TIRED of it but i think some of it is because i feel so alone all the people that are close to me its so hard me to tell them my problems because id rather act like everything is ok and keep it in my head because i hate sympathy or when people say it will be ok when they dont even know just say it to make you feel better.
people have been saying im such a cooler person this year and im not such a bitch.. its always reasuring that people thought i was a bitch last year .. its always nice to hear .. NOT! but i probly was a bitch i must admit im way more layed back then i ever have been probly cause i dont care what ppl say to me or what they think. its so crazy how today is march 1st this year will be over before we all know it and freshman year is gone.. time flys so fast summer will be here soon fuck yeah cant wait.. im totally stoked for this summer if last summer was as tight as it was im sure this summer will be tighter!!!
well im done with this.. and i know no one reads these but its good to be able to get stuff out