(no subject)
i think im starting to realize im a jealous person.
im jealous of happy couples i see, even though i had that and fucked it up. im jealous when my friends hang out and dont invite me. im jealous when people at work go and smoke and drink but dont invite me cuz they assume i wont do it. and then i think about it all and feel dumb. if people wanted to hang out with me they would ask, and my friends should accept me even though i wont drink and smoke.
and i want a boy. so bad. it makes me feel like i'll never find anybody and like nobody wants me. and its like, i've never felt like this before. and then i think why cant i be prettier, or smarter, or whatever he wants.
i just feel weird. i feel like im a failure at school,like im doing so bad this year. and like im disconnected from my friends. i just cant wait to finish high school and get the hell out of here.