gotta write it out sometimes
Sat in my room and listened to tons of songs that were our songs for some reason, the zombies "Our year" with the proverse twist that I would not see you and we would both be doing well lost in our seperate ways. Walking around feeling like I'm missing some huge vital organ, but I seem to be functioning so I guess it wasn't important... right? (RIGHT? RIGHTRIGHTRIGHT?)Oh but curiosity and there seems to be enough of the angsty creative types with a string of failed romance, can't we be different? Make me think I'll never be good enough for you, that my job will never pay enough, make me feel like I SHOULD REMIND YOU OF MY MISFORTUNES VERSES THINGS YOU HAVE THAT EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE and almost said things like DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY GUYS WANT TO DATE ME (oh god!) it was never supose to be like this. Like the things I told you, things that were new to me and I told you because I couldn't believe you didn't know I felt that way about you, and call it urgency and twist it agienst me later. It wasn't supose to be like this, and I can't convince myself you came back just to tease me, or 'I'LL TEACH HER A LESSON' exploits and kick into gear thinking I've just lost you to a wrong word. I still save the words, I look back over what I've said and it wasn't too bad and maybe you were just thinking 'this isn't how I want it' and don't know what to do.
I don't know anything about what you want or why you're gone or if you feel like you've lost me and how conserned you'd be. That's the hard part. Short sighted impulses try to explain everything: I need to drowned out the wrong word with all of the ones I couldn't tell you before. But maybe it's alright, and you sort of know it's alright. Get to points where I feel like I've done all I can and then there's not anything I can worry about. It's been well over a month, but I'm not as conserned about having been gone for so long and it was good to see you back briefly. And I'm not all hurt with missing you, so that worked and thanks. If you want to listen, you can listen here and if not... well I'll just pretend you are because those are my strange superpowers. It will be nice I guess, to not feel pressured although this place is seems a bit public but I guess that will just take some getting use to. We're still too young to know about apropriate time frames, and aint it a damn shame. So I won't ask you how long. And if I don't have to worry about you drifting away, it dosen't really matter. In the begining, don't you remember my saying I'd need to find a boyfriend who would be alright with my need to wait outside your house, weather in the future that turns out to be a mansion or a trailer. And again thinking I might not be living in there with you, but there's always hope you don't have to leave my life forever, and so whatever happens, happens.
I don't know anything about what you want or why you're gone or if you feel like you've lost me and how conserned you'd be. That's the hard part. Short sighted impulses try to explain everything: I need to drowned out the wrong word with all of the ones I couldn't tell you before. But maybe it's alright, and you sort of know it's alright. Get to points where I feel like I've done all I can and then there's not anything I can worry about. It's been well over a month, but I'm not as conserned about having been gone for so long and it was good to see you back briefly. And I'm not all hurt with missing you, so that worked and thanks. If you want to listen, you can listen here and if not... well I'll just pretend you are because those are my strange superpowers. It will be nice I guess, to not feel pressured although this place is seems a bit public but I guess that will just take some getting use to. We're still too young to know about apropriate time frames, and aint it a damn shame. So I won't ask you how long. And if I don't have to worry about you drifting away, it dosen't really matter. In the begining, don't you remember my saying I'd need to find a boyfriend who would be alright with my need to wait outside your house, weather in the future that turns out to be a mansion or a trailer. And again thinking I might not be living in there with you, but there's always hope you don't have to leave my life forever, and so whatever happens, happens.