So Kiss Me Goodbye -- [standalone]
So Kiss Me Goodbye -- [standalone]
Writer: Ally (wasted_rawkstar)
Fandom: Simple Plan
Pairing: David/Chuck
Rating: R (language)
Summary: David buys a rubber snake. Hijinks ensue, then things start to go horribly wrong... But when it's all over, everyone knows it could have been worse.
Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction and is in no way related to, or intended for harm of, the following persons mentioned.
Notes: Written exclusively for the slash_theplan Movie Challenge.
“AAHHGH!” Chuck jumped back from the shower, fear running down his spine. He’d come upstairs to grab a razor only upon opening the door he’d been confronted with a snake coiled around the drain. He stood still and silent for a moment, catching his breath. The snake didn’t move, or make a sound. He narrowed his eyes and, fears pushed aside, bent down to examine it. Rubber, of course. He snatched it from the tile and turned around, mouth set in a grimace. “DAVID!” he bellowed, barging out of the bathroom, through the bedroom, and into the hall, razor completely forgotten.
The bassist appeared at the bottom of the stairs, eyes wide with eyebrows arched in perfect question. “Chuck?” Wordlessly the drummer threw the rubber snake down the stairs where it hit David in the face. David shrieked and flailed, the snake falling to the ground as he stepped back and glared at Chuck. “What the hell was that for?!”
“You tell me! It’s yours, isn’t it?”
“No! What would I have a fucking rubber snake for?”
Chuck folded his arms over his chest. “So you didn’t leave it in the shower for me to find and freak out over?”
David bit the inside of his lip for a moment before replying. “I don’t know… did it work?” A cunning smile threatened his mouth and Chuck didn’t miss it.
“Ugh! You’re fucking horrible, you know that?”
David laughed and picked up the snake, wiggling it around. “Honestly I thought you’d never fall for that… who ever hears of a snake in a shower?”
Chuck didn’t answer, instead he turned around and stalked back to the bedroom.
David rolled his eyes and sauntered to the kitchen, absently coiling the snake around his hand. Where was Chuck’s sense of humor? Obviously he’d known that David hadn’t meant any harm in the prank, so why was he so upset? David discarded the rubber toy onto the counter and picked up his phone.
They were supposed to be leaving in less than an hour because the band had three shows, the first of which was eight hours away. They were taking a bus instead of all driving separately, trying to reduce their carbon footprint and all that. David rolled his eyes. Let someone resurrect a dinosaur, and then they could talk about global warming, or climate change, or whatever the hell it was called these days.
He stuffed his phone in his pocket, picked up the snake, and went to the front door where all his bags sat. He tucked the snake into his backpack and seconds later Chuck clomped down the stairs. David watched as the drummer pushed the large, rolling duffel into the pile and slung his backpack on top of it. “Chuck, I-” David started, but was cut off.
“I’m not in the mood,” the drummer growled, turning his back on the younger man and storming into the kitchen.
David sighed in exasperation. He hadn’t expected the stupid prank to send Chuck into such a tailspin. “God, fine,” he muttered to himself, turning and heading into the office. Sometimes he wondered why they put up with each other. They were kind of an odd couple, but he supposed it went back to the clichéd adage that opposites attracted. Why he hadn’t been lucky enough to end up with Jeff was still a mystery, but one that he never lingered on for too long. Jeff was, of course, happy with his family and relationship now, and David had Chuck, with all his charming faults and troves of insecurities. He shook his head to keep from thinking about what was fair in that scenario. Instead he focused on the last task he had to finish before they left.
He plugged his iPod in and scrolled through their shared library. He skipped past all Chuck’s gangsta rap and hip-hop, trying to find the few movies and TV shows he’d downloaded. Of course he couldn’t remember exactly what he’d purchased, just kept clicking things that looked decent, sure that he probably wouldn’t watch half of them and then bitch about his credit card bill later. He dragged over a few episodes of Dexter, then found a few of Supernatural. He scrolled a little more slowly through the ‘S’ titles, smiling when he found one of his more hilarious impulse movies: Snakes on a Plane.
He chuckled, thinking of the possibilities later on the bus. No doubt Chuck would get even more pissed at him, but at least the make-up sex would be good. That was one thing about the drummer that no one really knew, and David wasn’t inclined to brag about: Chuck was a fucking beast between the sheets. David couldn’t count the times he’d cum on the brink of black-out. He bit his lip, pushing that thought away. The last thing he needed was to get a fucking hard-on when they were about to leave and have Chuck not even in the mood for a quickie.
“David!” Chuck’s bark split the quiet and he could practically feel the blood drain out of his dick. “Are you ready yet?! We need to leave in five!”
“Give me two!” he called back, scrolling quickly and dropping Talladega Nights and The Departed into the queue. The transfers finished a minute later and Chuck appeared in the doorway just as David stood up, unplugging the cable from the Mac. “I’m ready, I promise. You need the computer for any thing?”
“No, now let’s go.”
“Okay, jeez.” David clicked the apple icon, selected shut down, and stepped around the desk. “See? Finished.” He flipped the light off and stepped into the entryway, dropping the iPod into his backpack before shouldering it and digging out his car keys.
“I hope you weren’t putting porn on that.”
David snorted as he opened the front door. “Honestly? Why would I need porn when I have you?”
Chuck smiled just slightly, his mood improving a little at the prospect of playing shows for the first time in six weeks. “I’ll take that as a high compliment.”
“As you should.” They hauled their bags to the car and loaded the trunk before David went back to grab the bag of groceries he’d packed. He locked the front door behind him and after stowing the bag behind his seat, climbed in behind the wheel. Chuck already had his seatbelt buckled and was typing furiously on his Blackberry. David smiled, thankful it was a short drive to the bus.
Nearly five hours later found them all on the bus, still almost four hours from their destination. David was stretched out in the back lounge reading a magazine and listening to The Sounds’ latest album. He and Chuck had mostly made up, as much as they could without the sex part anyway. David curled his lip at the thought and shifted, ignoring the questioning glance from Pierre. Seconds later, however, a terrified scream came from the short hallway.
Both David and Pierre were on their feet and through the curtain, the band converging on Sebastien who stood outside the tiny bathroom door looking pale. “Guys,” he choked out, “there’s a fucking snake in there.”
Instantly, David met Chuck’s eyes and frantically shook his head while the drummer scoffed. “That’s great, David… use your little fucking joke to terrify everyone else.”
“Chuck, I swear I didn’t.”
“Don’t be a fucking liar.”
“I’m not lying!”
“What are you taking about?” Paul, their tour manager, asked, setting a hand on Sebastien’s shoulder.
Chuck rolled his eyes. “David thought he’d be funny this morning and put a fucking snake in the shower. Obviously he did the same thing here.”
“I didn’t, Chuck. I’ll fucking prove it… the rubber one is still in my backpack.”
Chuck narrowed his eyes. “Pierre, go get it. What pocket, David?”
David held back an indignant sigh. “Second one.”
Pierre returned a moment later with David’s backpack and Chuck stepped in front of the bathroom door, watching carefully as the singer pulled back the zipper and reached in. As Pierre withdrew the rubber snake the drummer felt a distinct pain hit the back of his leg. “Fuck!” All eyes focused on Chuck as he turned slightly and reached down to his right calf. Blood stained his jeans and fingers as he pulled them away. “What the hell?” He yanked his pantleg up, revealing a bite, with two puncture wounds.
“Holy shit,” Pierre murmured, fingers tightening around the rubber snake still in his hand.
“Seb, what did the snake look like?” Jeff asked, voice quiet and calm.
“It was black…” his voice wavered slightly, “and… gold, maybe?”
Paul pulled away from Sebastien then, hurrying to the front of the bus. Everyone merely looked at each other for a moment, wondering if this was actually happening.
“David?” Chuck’s hushed voice broke the silence, all anger and disbelief gone.
“Yeah, M’right here.” David stepped around Pierre and took Chuck’s arm.
“I need to sit down.”
David nodded, but glanced at Jeff and Pierre, all of them thinking the same thing: where the fuck had the snake gone after it attacked Chuck? Pierre made a face, but turned back to the back lounge, returning hurriedly and pronouncing it ‘all clear.’ David thanked him quietly and helped Chuck down the narrow hallway. The drummer collapsed on the sofa, already feeling nauseous though from nerves or the actual venom he wasn’t sure.
The rest of the band filed in after them and Paul came in a few seconds later. “We’re stopping at the next exit and getting the hell off the bus. I can call a cab from where we stop and then get Chuck to the nearest hospital. Any questions?”
“Who’s finding the snake on the bus?”
Paul looked at Sebastien, hesitant to answer. “I’ll make some calls once we’re stopped.” The bus started to slow then, obviously heading down an exit ramp.
“But what if it attacks again?”
“Seb,” Paul began in his best reassuring voice, “we’re going to be out of here in two-”
“FUCK!” Pierre’s outburst started everyone and he made a pained face as he looked down. Sure enough there were two tears in his jeans and, upon pulling up the fabric, familiar puncture wounds in his shin.
“This is fuckin’ ridiculous,” Jeff said.
“Guys, what’s going on?” Frenchie appeared in the doorway, hair mussed from the nap he’d been taking. How he’d slept through all the previous drama was anyone’s guess, but here he was, bleary-eyed and ill-informed.
“Um, there’s sort of a sn-”
“Fuck! Something just fucking bit me!” Frenchie looked down at his sock-clad foot and saw two small red spots blotting the white knit.
Paul shook his head in disbelief and shoved his hands through his hair. “It’s a snakebite,” he said. “You’re the third victim.”
“What? How did a fucking snake get on the bus?!”
“Hell if I know, but we need to get out of here before it gets someone else. Chuck goes first, then Pierre and Frenchie. Jeff, David, Seb… you guys watch your feet all right?”
Both Jeff and Seb nodded. David had already taken precautions and tucked his feet up on the couch beside Chuck and covered his knees with his leather jacket.
The bus slowed more and started to turn, rumbling over a curb. Paul leaned over and split the blinds on the window to look outside; they were in a grocery store parking lot. The bus came to a full stop seconds later and everyone turned toward the front. David moved to help Chuck off the couch, ignoring the slight shade of green the drummer’s skin had turned. Everyone seemed to be waiting for them, but David waved them off. “Guys go,” he said, “before it gets-”
“OW!” Sebastien’s cry interrupted David’s sentence.
“…someone else,” he finished. With a shake of his head he hoisted Chuck off the couch. “I have had it with this motherfucking snake, on this motherfucking bus!” he exclaimed.
Everyone stared at him, unsure whether to laugh or scream. “David,” Jeff finally said, “not funny.” Before anyone could reply Jeff moved abruptly, his foot slamming down hard onto the floor and causing a sickening crunching, splatting sound. Everyone cringed, but looked down to see the small, black and gold body twitch once more before finally becoming still. Jeff jammed his foot down once more to be absolutely sure, but the snake didn’t move.
“All right, before anyone says anything else, we’re all getting off the bus,” Paul told them. He turned, took Sebastien by the arm, and walked down the narrow path. Everyone followed suit, with David and Chuck the last ones to exit. Chuck’s breathing was shallow, and he leaned on David’s shoulder a little heavily. David tried to quell the worries brewing in his stomach. Paul was already on the phone, calling first an emergency dispatch, then a taxi.
Five long minutes went by before the emergency vehicles pulled up. The medics were surprised by the situation, to say the least, and instead of offering explanation Paul merely waved his hands and told David to go with Chuck and Pierre, Frenchie and Seb would be in the other aid car, and he and Jeff would take the taxi when it showed up. No one bothered to argue and even though the ride to the hospital was quick, Chuck had started puking before they arrived. Pierre shot a pained look to David, fearing that he wouldn’t be far behind. As the two ambulances unloaded, David went with one of the medics inside to explain the situation. Of course, the nurse didn’t believe that four people had been attacked by a snake on a bus, until they all paraded past her in various forms of distress.
The next ten minutes were an agonizing blur and David found himself wishing he smoked on such occasions as it would give him something to do other than sit in the stupid waiting room and worry while attempting to play Tetris on his phone. He gave up after four tries, failing successively after pressing the wrong keys each time a voice came over the intercom. He started in surprise when Jeff sank down next to him.
“Any word?”
David brushed a hand through his fringe. “No. Do you have any weed?”
Jeff glanced around the room, thankful that the only two other people there weren’t paying any attention to them. “No, it’s on the bus.”
“Damn.”
“I doubt smoking would really help right now anyway.”
“Probably not, but I need something to get my mind off Chuck dying.”
“He’s not going to die, David. The doctors probably have all the venom out of his system by now and then he’ll start ridiculing us for canceling the show tomorrow because there was a twenty percent chance he was going to end up a vegetable.”
David laughed slightly. “So fucking true.”
“David?”
A woman called his name from the doorway and he stood up quickly. “Yeah… is Chuck okay?”
“Charles is still being attended to, but he’ll be fine. Sebastien’s ready to see you.”
He nodded and looked at Jeff.
“Go on. I’ll tell Paul you’re in with him.”
“Thanks, Jeff.” David followed the woman down the hallway, around a corner, and finally into a room. Sebastien was perched on a bed, one pantleg rolled up to reveal a bandaged shin. Frenchie was on the next bed looking nearly the same, but for his bandaged foot. “You guys okay?” David asked.
“Yeah, thank God. The doctor couldn’t believe that all four of us had been hit though,” Seb replied.
“And he didn’t want to know how the snake had gotten on the bus in the first place.”
David scoffed. “Did you tell him you didn’t know either?”
“Sort of… he didn’t really believe us.”
“Well, who would?” Frenchie countered, “How the fuck does a snake get on a bus?”
David shook his head. “Let’s not argue about it. I’m glad you guys are okay.”
“Do you know how Chuck and Pierre are?”
On cue, Pierre limped in and dropped into the chair beside Sebastien’s bed. “I’m fine, and Chuck’s going to be fine. He has to stay over night though, because he got the first bite. More potent, and it had more time in his blood.” He met David’s eyes. “He’s two rooms down.” He motioned in the opposite direction down the hall and David smiled, slipping out of the door.
He easily found Chuck’s bed and thankfully there weren’t any doctors or nurses hovering around. The drummer lay still, eyes closed, but his breathing was relaxed and even. David bent down and kissed his forehead. Chuck stirred a little, eyes squinty and unfocused. “It’s me,” David whispered, slipping their fingers together to link hands. Chuck squeezed lightly. “Just wanted you to know m’here.” Chuck smiled a little, eyes falling closed again as he relaxed. David kissed him once more. “Love you.”
Chuck faintly squeezed his hand again. “You too,” he murmured.
The rest of the night passed easily, with everyone but Chuck being released. Paul booked rooms at the nearest hotel, but David stayed at the hospital, finally settling once Chuck was moved to a regular room. He managed to doze a few times, but mostly just passed the night playing Tetris and watching his boyfriend’s chest move rhythmically up and down.
It was just after seven when Paul messaged him to relay that their belongings had been recovered from the bus and that a nest of three other snakes had been discovered in one of the under-carriage bins. David’s skin crawled at the thought. At eight, Paul brought him coffee and his backpack, which had been thoroughly checked for the scaly creatures. Of course, the rubber snake had been confiscated, but he was hardly heartbroken. He figured he wouldn’t be playing with snakes for a long time after this incident.
Once Paul left, David settled in to wait for Chuck to wake up. He figured the drummer would be out for at least another hour so he pulled out his iPod to start a movie. He scrolled briefly through the list, but decided that a little irony would be best. He hit play and took a long drink of coffee. An hour later Chuck’s voice filtered past the earbuds and David looked over, meeting tired, questioning eyes. He pressed pause and yanked the headphones out. “Hey… good morning.”
Chuck smiled sleepily. “Mm, you too. What’re you doing?”
“Watching a movie.”
He laughed. “Should I even ask which one?”
David smirked. “You really don’t want to know.”
“But that makes me really want to know.”
He shook his head, unable to hold back his smile. “You’ll hit me,” he replied.
Chuck smiled back. “So be it?” David rolled his eyes and showed him the screen. Chuck groaned. “Seriously? ‘Snakes on a Plane’?! And I’m still in the fucking hospital?” He reached out to try to hit David, but the IV in his arm stopped him.
The bassist laughed. “I told you you’d want to hit me.”
Chuck shook his head. “You’re going to get it when I get out of here.”
David smiled and leaned over, kissing him lightly. “Good. That’ll make me stop worrying that the venom made you weak.”
Chuck snorted, but kissed him back. “You’re horrible.”
“I know… and hey, it could have been worse.”
He furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”
“The movie… instead of being snakes on a plane it could have been… I don’t know… Beavers on a Blimp or something.”
“Yaks on a Yacht?” Chuck offered.
“Cougars on a Canoe… Zebras on a Zeppelin…”
“You’ve been thinking of these all morning, haven’t you?”
“No, not really.”
“Liar.”
“More like the last couple years.”
Chuck laughed, shaking his head. “You’re a disgrace.”
David rolled his eyes and settled on the bed with him. “Don’t I know it… let’s finish the movie, yeah?”
Chuck shifted to lean against David, tucking up beneath his arm. “Whatever you want.”
David smiled and kissed the top of his head. “Love you.”
“You too, D.”
He tucked one of the earbuds in Chuck’s ear and secured the other in his own, but hesitated before pressing play. Chuck waited patiently, grateful for the close contact with David. “You know, we’re really lucky it was only that one snake,” he said. “It could have been a lot worse.”
Chuck nodded. “I know. M’glad no one was seriously hurt.”
“Seriously. Can you imagine if it had been a badger on the bus?”
FIN
Writer: Ally (wasted_rawkstar)
Fandom: Simple Plan
Pairing: David/Chuck
Rating: R (language)
Summary: David buys a rubber snake. Hijinks ensue, then things start to go horribly wrong... But when it's all over, everyone knows it could have been worse.
Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction and is in no way related to, or intended for harm of, the following persons mentioned.
Notes: Written exclusively for the slash_theplan Movie Challenge.
“AAHHGH!” Chuck jumped back from the shower, fear running down his spine. He’d come upstairs to grab a razor only upon opening the door he’d been confronted with a snake coiled around the drain. He stood still and silent for a moment, catching his breath. The snake didn’t move, or make a sound. He narrowed his eyes and, fears pushed aside, bent down to examine it. Rubber, of course. He snatched it from the tile and turned around, mouth set in a grimace. “DAVID!” he bellowed, barging out of the bathroom, through the bedroom, and into the hall, razor completely forgotten.
The bassist appeared at the bottom of the stairs, eyes wide with eyebrows arched in perfect question. “Chuck?” Wordlessly the drummer threw the rubber snake down the stairs where it hit David in the face. David shrieked and flailed, the snake falling to the ground as he stepped back and glared at Chuck. “What the hell was that for?!”
“You tell me! It’s yours, isn’t it?”
“No! What would I have a fucking rubber snake for?”
Chuck folded his arms over his chest. “So you didn’t leave it in the shower for me to find and freak out over?”
David bit the inside of his lip for a moment before replying. “I don’t know… did it work?” A cunning smile threatened his mouth and Chuck didn’t miss it.
“Ugh! You’re fucking horrible, you know that?”
David laughed and picked up the snake, wiggling it around. “Honestly I thought you’d never fall for that… who ever hears of a snake in a shower?”
Chuck didn’t answer, instead he turned around and stalked back to the bedroom.
David rolled his eyes and sauntered to the kitchen, absently coiling the snake around his hand. Where was Chuck’s sense of humor? Obviously he’d known that David hadn’t meant any harm in the prank, so why was he so upset? David discarded the rubber toy onto the counter and picked up his phone.
They were supposed to be leaving in less than an hour because the band had three shows, the first of which was eight hours away. They were taking a bus instead of all driving separately, trying to reduce their carbon footprint and all that. David rolled his eyes. Let someone resurrect a dinosaur, and then they could talk about global warming, or climate change, or whatever the hell it was called these days.
He stuffed his phone in his pocket, picked up the snake, and went to the front door where all his bags sat. He tucked the snake into his backpack and seconds later Chuck clomped down the stairs. David watched as the drummer pushed the large, rolling duffel into the pile and slung his backpack on top of it. “Chuck, I-” David started, but was cut off.
“I’m not in the mood,” the drummer growled, turning his back on the younger man and storming into the kitchen.
David sighed in exasperation. He hadn’t expected the stupid prank to send Chuck into such a tailspin. “God, fine,” he muttered to himself, turning and heading into the office. Sometimes he wondered why they put up with each other. They were kind of an odd couple, but he supposed it went back to the clichéd adage that opposites attracted. Why he hadn’t been lucky enough to end up with Jeff was still a mystery, but one that he never lingered on for too long. Jeff was, of course, happy with his family and relationship now, and David had Chuck, with all his charming faults and troves of insecurities. He shook his head to keep from thinking about what was fair in that scenario. Instead he focused on the last task he had to finish before they left.
He plugged his iPod in and scrolled through their shared library. He skipped past all Chuck’s gangsta rap and hip-hop, trying to find the few movies and TV shows he’d downloaded. Of course he couldn’t remember exactly what he’d purchased, just kept clicking things that looked decent, sure that he probably wouldn’t watch half of them and then bitch about his credit card bill later. He dragged over a few episodes of Dexter, then found a few of Supernatural. He scrolled a little more slowly through the ‘S’ titles, smiling when he found one of his more hilarious impulse movies: Snakes on a Plane.
He chuckled, thinking of the possibilities later on the bus. No doubt Chuck would get even more pissed at him, but at least the make-up sex would be good. That was one thing about the drummer that no one really knew, and David wasn’t inclined to brag about: Chuck was a fucking beast between the sheets. David couldn’t count the times he’d cum on the brink of black-out. He bit his lip, pushing that thought away. The last thing he needed was to get a fucking hard-on when they were about to leave and have Chuck not even in the mood for a quickie.
“David!” Chuck’s bark split the quiet and he could practically feel the blood drain out of his dick. “Are you ready yet?! We need to leave in five!”
“Give me two!” he called back, scrolling quickly and dropping Talladega Nights and The Departed into the queue. The transfers finished a minute later and Chuck appeared in the doorway just as David stood up, unplugging the cable from the Mac. “I’m ready, I promise. You need the computer for any thing?”
“No, now let’s go.”
“Okay, jeez.” David clicked the apple icon, selected shut down, and stepped around the desk. “See? Finished.” He flipped the light off and stepped into the entryway, dropping the iPod into his backpack before shouldering it and digging out his car keys.
“I hope you weren’t putting porn on that.”
David snorted as he opened the front door. “Honestly? Why would I need porn when I have you?”
Chuck smiled just slightly, his mood improving a little at the prospect of playing shows for the first time in six weeks. “I’ll take that as a high compliment.”
“As you should.” They hauled their bags to the car and loaded the trunk before David went back to grab the bag of groceries he’d packed. He locked the front door behind him and after stowing the bag behind his seat, climbed in behind the wheel. Chuck already had his seatbelt buckled and was typing furiously on his Blackberry. David smiled, thankful it was a short drive to the bus.
Nearly five hours later found them all on the bus, still almost four hours from their destination. David was stretched out in the back lounge reading a magazine and listening to The Sounds’ latest album. He and Chuck had mostly made up, as much as they could without the sex part anyway. David curled his lip at the thought and shifted, ignoring the questioning glance from Pierre. Seconds later, however, a terrified scream came from the short hallway.
Both David and Pierre were on their feet and through the curtain, the band converging on Sebastien who stood outside the tiny bathroom door looking pale. “Guys,” he choked out, “there’s a fucking snake in there.”
Instantly, David met Chuck’s eyes and frantically shook his head while the drummer scoffed. “That’s great, David… use your little fucking joke to terrify everyone else.”
“Chuck, I swear I didn’t.”
“Don’t be a fucking liar.”
“I’m not lying!”
“What are you taking about?” Paul, their tour manager, asked, setting a hand on Sebastien’s shoulder.
Chuck rolled his eyes. “David thought he’d be funny this morning and put a fucking snake in the shower. Obviously he did the same thing here.”
“I didn’t, Chuck. I’ll fucking prove it… the rubber one is still in my backpack.”
Chuck narrowed his eyes. “Pierre, go get it. What pocket, David?”
David held back an indignant sigh. “Second one.”
Pierre returned a moment later with David’s backpack and Chuck stepped in front of the bathroom door, watching carefully as the singer pulled back the zipper and reached in. As Pierre withdrew the rubber snake the drummer felt a distinct pain hit the back of his leg. “Fuck!” All eyes focused on Chuck as he turned slightly and reached down to his right calf. Blood stained his jeans and fingers as he pulled them away. “What the hell?” He yanked his pantleg up, revealing a bite, with two puncture wounds.
“Holy shit,” Pierre murmured, fingers tightening around the rubber snake still in his hand.
“Seb, what did the snake look like?” Jeff asked, voice quiet and calm.
“It was black…” his voice wavered slightly, “and… gold, maybe?”
Paul pulled away from Sebastien then, hurrying to the front of the bus. Everyone merely looked at each other for a moment, wondering if this was actually happening.
“David?” Chuck’s hushed voice broke the silence, all anger and disbelief gone.
“Yeah, M’right here.” David stepped around Pierre and took Chuck’s arm.
“I need to sit down.”
David nodded, but glanced at Jeff and Pierre, all of them thinking the same thing: where the fuck had the snake gone after it attacked Chuck? Pierre made a face, but turned back to the back lounge, returning hurriedly and pronouncing it ‘all clear.’ David thanked him quietly and helped Chuck down the narrow hallway. The drummer collapsed on the sofa, already feeling nauseous though from nerves or the actual venom he wasn’t sure.
The rest of the band filed in after them and Paul came in a few seconds later. “We’re stopping at the next exit and getting the hell off the bus. I can call a cab from where we stop and then get Chuck to the nearest hospital. Any questions?”
“Who’s finding the snake on the bus?”
Paul looked at Sebastien, hesitant to answer. “I’ll make some calls once we’re stopped.” The bus started to slow then, obviously heading down an exit ramp.
“But what if it attacks again?”
“Seb,” Paul began in his best reassuring voice, “we’re going to be out of here in two-”
“FUCK!” Pierre’s outburst started everyone and he made a pained face as he looked down. Sure enough there were two tears in his jeans and, upon pulling up the fabric, familiar puncture wounds in his shin.
“This is fuckin’ ridiculous,” Jeff said.
“Guys, what’s going on?” Frenchie appeared in the doorway, hair mussed from the nap he’d been taking. How he’d slept through all the previous drama was anyone’s guess, but here he was, bleary-eyed and ill-informed.
“Um, there’s sort of a sn-”
“Fuck! Something just fucking bit me!” Frenchie looked down at his sock-clad foot and saw two small red spots blotting the white knit.
Paul shook his head in disbelief and shoved his hands through his hair. “It’s a snakebite,” he said. “You’re the third victim.”
“What? How did a fucking snake get on the bus?!”
“Hell if I know, but we need to get out of here before it gets someone else. Chuck goes first, then Pierre and Frenchie. Jeff, David, Seb… you guys watch your feet all right?”
Both Jeff and Seb nodded. David had already taken precautions and tucked his feet up on the couch beside Chuck and covered his knees with his leather jacket.
The bus slowed more and started to turn, rumbling over a curb. Paul leaned over and split the blinds on the window to look outside; they were in a grocery store parking lot. The bus came to a full stop seconds later and everyone turned toward the front. David moved to help Chuck off the couch, ignoring the slight shade of green the drummer’s skin had turned. Everyone seemed to be waiting for them, but David waved them off. “Guys go,” he said, “before it gets-”
“OW!” Sebastien’s cry interrupted David’s sentence.
“…someone else,” he finished. With a shake of his head he hoisted Chuck off the couch. “I have had it with this motherfucking snake, on this motherfucking bus!” he exclaimed.
Everyone stared at him, unsure whether to laugh or scream. “David,” Jeff finally said, “not funny.” Before anyone could reply Jeff moved abruptly, his foot slamming down hard onto the floor and causing a sickening crunching, splatting sound. Everyone cringed, but looked down to see the small, black and gold body twitch once more before finally becoming still. Jeff jammed his foot down once more to be absolutely sure, but the snake didn’t move.
“All right, before anyone says anything else, we’re all getting off the bus,” Paul told them. He turned, took Sebastien by the arm, and walked down the narrow path. Everyone followed suit, with David and Chuck the last ones to exit. Chuck’s breathing was shallow, and he leaned on David’s shoulder a little heavily. David tried to quell the worries brewing in his stomach. Paul was already on the phone, calling first an emergency dispatch, then a taxi.
Five long minutes went by before the emergency vehicles pulled up. The medics were surprised by the situation, to say the least, and instead of offering explanation Paul merely waved his hands and told David to go with Chuck and Pierre, Frenchie and Seb would be in the other aid car, and he and Jeff would take the taxi when it showed up. No one bothered to argue and even though the ride to the hospital was quick, Chuck had started puking before they arrived. Pierre shot a pained look to David, fearing that he wouldn’t be far behind. As the two ambulances unloaded, David went with one of the medics inside to explain the situation. Of course, the nurse didn’t believe that four people had been attacked by a snake on a bus, until they all paraded past her in various forms of distress.
The next ten minutes were an agonizing blur and David found himself wishing he smoked on such occasions as it would give him something to do other than sit in the stupid waiting room and worry while attempting to play Tetris on his phone. He gave up after four tries, failing successively after pressing the wrong keys each time a voice came over the intercom. He started in surprise when Jeff sank down next to him.
“Any word?”
David brushed a hand through his fringe. “No. Do you have any weed?”
Jeff glanced around the room, thankful that the only two other people there weren’t paying any attention to them. “No, it’s on the bus.”
“Damn.”
“I doubt smoking would really help right now anyway.”
“Probably not, but I need something to get my mind off Chuck dying.”
“He’s not going to die, David. The doctors probably have all the venom out of his system by now and then he’ll start ridiculing us for canceling the show tomorrow because there was a twenty percent chance he was going to end up a vegetable.”
David laughed slightly. “So fucking true.”
“David?”
A woman called his name from the doorway and he stood up quickly. “Yeah… is Chuck okay?”
“Charles is still being attended to, but he’ll be fine. Sebastien’s ready to see you.”
He nodded and looked at Jeff.
“Go on. I’ll tell Paul you’re in with him.”
“Thanks, Jeff.” David followed the woman down the hallway, around a corner, and finally into a room. Sebastien was perched on a bed, one pantleg rolled up to reveal a bandaged shin. Frenchie was on the next bed looking nearly the same, but for his bandaged foot. “You guys okay?” David asked.
“Yeah, thank God. The doctor couldn’t believe that all four of us had been hit though,” Seb replied.
“And he didn’t want to know how the snake had gotten on the bus in the first place.”
David scoffed. “Did you tell him you didn’t know either?”
“Sort of… he didn’t really believe us.”
“Well, who would?” Frenchie countered, “How the fuck does a snake get on a bus?”
David shook his head. “Let’s not argue about it. I’m glad you guys are okay.”
“Do you know how Chuck and Pierre are?”
On cue, Pierre limped in and dropped into the chair beside Sebastien’s bed. “I’m fine, and Chuck’s going to be fine. He has to stay over night though, because he got the first bite. More potent, and it had more time in his blood.” He met David’s eyes. “He’s two rooms down.” He motioned in the opposite direction down the hall and David smiled, slipping out of the door.
He easily found Chuck’s bed and thankfully there weren’t any doctors or nurses hovering around. The drummer lay still, eyes closed, but his breathing was relaxed and even. David bent down and kissed his forehead. Chuck stirred a little, eyes squinty and unfocused. “It’s me,” David whispered, slipping their fingers together to link hands. Chuck squeezed lightly. “Just wanted you to know m’here.” Chuck smiled a little, eyes falling closed again as he relaxed. David kissed him once more. “Love you.”
Chuck faintly squeezed his hand again. “You too,” he murmured.
The rest of the night passed easily, with everyone but Chuck being released. Paul booked rooms at the nearest hotel, but David stayed at the hospital, finally settling once Chuck was moved to a regular room. He managed to doze a few times, but mostly just passed the night playing Tetris and watching his boyfriend’s chest move rhythmically up and down.
It was just after seven when Paul messaged him to relay that their belongings had been recovered from the bus and that a nest of three other snakes had been discovered in one of the under-carriage bins. David’s skin crawled at the thought. At eight, Paul brought him coffee and his backpack, which had been thoroughly checked for the scaly creatures. Of course, the rubber snake had been confiscated, but he was hardly heartbroken. He figured he wouldn’t be playing with snakes for a long time after this incident.
Once Paul left, David settled in to wait for Chuck to wake up. He figured the drummer would be out for at least another hour so he pulled out his iPod to start a movie. He scrolled briefly through the list, but decided that a little irony would be best. He hit play and took a long drink of coffee. An hour later Chuck’s voice filtered past the earbuds and David looked over, meeting tired, questioning eyes. He pressed pause and yanked the headphones out. “Hey… good morning.”
Chuck smiled sleepily. “Mm, you too. What’re you doing?”
“Watching a movie.”
He laughed. “Should I even ask which one?”
David smirked. “You really don’t want to know.”
“But that makes me really want to know.”
He shook his head, unable to hold back his smile. “You’ll hit me,” he replied.
Chuck smiled back. “So be it?” David rolled his eyes and showed him the screen. Chuck groaned. “Seriously? ‘Snakes on a Plane’?! And I’m still in the fucking hospital?” He reached out to try to hit David, but the IV in his arm stopped him.
The bassist laughed. “I told you you’d want to hit me.”
Chuck shook his head. “You’re going to get it when I get out of here.”
David smiled and leaned over, kissing him lightly. “Good. That’ll make me stop worrying that the venom made you weak.”
Chuck snorted, but kissed him back. “You’re horrible.”
“I know… and hey, it could have been worse.”
He furrowed his eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”
“The movie… instead of being snakes on a plane it could have been… I don’t know… Beavers on a Blimp or something.”
“Yaks on a Yacht?” Chuck offered.
“Cougars on a Canoe… Zebras on a Zeppelin…”
“You’ve been thinking of these all morning, haven’t you?”
“No, not really.”
“Liar.”
“More like the last couple years.”
Chuck laughed, shaking his head. “You’re a disgrace.”
David rolled his eyes and settled on the bed with him. “Don’t I know it… let’s finish the movie, yeah?”
Chuck shifted to lean against David, tucking up beneath his arm. “Whatever you want.”
David smiled and kissed the top of his head. “Love you.”
“You too, D.”
He tucked one of the earbuds in Chuck’s ear and secured the other in his own, but hesitated before pressing play. Chuck waited patiently, grateful for the close contact with David. “You know, we’re really lucky it was only that one snake,” he said. “It could have been a lot worse.”
Chuck nodded. “I know. M’glad no one was seriously hurt.”
“Seriously. Can you imagine if it had been a badger on the bus?”
FIN