i live in my head.
do you ever just wake up in a funk? everything in your life can be going okay, only some minor details that aren't so fun, but just sometimes you wake up in just an off-mood?
that's me today. i don't know where my head is. it's everywhere but here. i've fucked up my cues in both shows today, and i should know better.
i'm worried about certain things here and there.
twenty-two is a weird age. it feels like a conundrum of not exactly being a true adult yet, but not a lonesome teenager either. it's this odd purgatory. i want more responsibilities, i want to be taking more charge of my life, and yet i know i'm completely naive to everything the real world holds, and [financially] i'm not ready for it yet.
i guess it's more of a thing of proving to myself that i can make it alone, that i can be full-out indepedent, that i won't need to depend and fall back on my parents forever.
schooling is exhausting. my classmate told me last night, "val, i love you, but why the fuck are you here? you're insane for going straight into more school." i really am starting to hate the question, "so what do you plan on doing after graduation?" i've gone through two graduations now, and in 2.5 more years, my third and hopefully final one...i don't know what my plans are. i know what my dreams are, or rather, things i'd like to do. but i seriously have no idea.
in junior year of undergrad, i had to take "career workshop." Tromovitch made us create a 10-year plan, with guidelines and goals outlined for every aspect of our lives. and everything i had outlined and planned did not happen. i've gone a completely different route than where i thought i would be. i'm not exactly sure if that is good or bad, to tell you the truth.
in high school, i had planned that i would be married by now. i was going to grow my hair out all through college so that i could have long, beautiful hair for my wedding. i was going to have a job and an apartment with two bathrooms and a balcony.
that's one of the things i've always been set on as far as goals go -- someday living in an apartment with two bathrooms...one for me, and one for whoever else. significant other, guests, parents, friends, whoever. after growing up in a household with only one tiny bathroom, and with a father and sister who like to spend way more time in there than what is fair so that it forces you to run outside with a box of kleenex and shit in the backyard, i've decided that i have to have my own bathroom someday. especially considering how much i shit.
this is like a weird quarter-life crisis. but not really.
that's me today. i don't know where my head is. it's everywhere but here. i've fucked up my cues in both shows today, and i should know better.
i'm worried about certain things here and there.
twenty-two is a weird age. it feels like a conundrum of not exactly being a true adult yet, but not a lonesome teenager either. it's this odd purgatory. i want more responsibilities, i want to be taking more charge of my life, and yet i know i'm completely naive to everything the real world holds, and [financially] i'm not ready for it yet.
i guess it's more of a thing of proving to myself that i can make it alone, that i can be full-out indepedent, that i won't need to depend and fall back on my parents forever.
schooling is exhausting. my classmate told me last night, "val, i love you, but why the fuck are you here? you're insane for going straight into more school." i really am starting to hate the question, "so what do you plan on doing after graduation?" i've gone through two graduations now, and in 2.5 more years, my third and hopefully final one...i don't know what my plans are. i know what my dreams are, or rather, things i'd like to do. but i seriously have no idea.
in junior year of undergrad, i had to take "career workshop." Tromovitch made us create a 10-year plan, with guidelines and goals outlined for every aspect of our lives. and everything i had outlined and planned did not happen. i've gone a completely different route than where i thought i would be. i'm not exactly sure if that is good or bad, to tell you the truth.
in high school, i had planned that i would be married by now. i was going to grow my hair out all through college so that i could have long, beautiful hair for my wedding. i was going to have a job and an apartment with two bathrooms and a balcony.
that's one of the things i've always been set on as far as goals go -- someday living in an apartment with two bathrooms...one for me, and one for whoever else. significant other, guests, parents, friends, whoever. after growing up in a household with only one tiny bathroom, and with a father and sister who like to spend way more time in there than what is fair so that it forces you to run outside with a box of kleenex and shit in the backyard, i've decided that i have to have my own bathroom someday. especially considering how much i shit.
this is like a weird quarter-life crisis. but not really.