uggh
Im sick of feeling like everything i do isnt good enough,im sick of someone always being better then me. I wish i could go into full detail about what im talking about but i really cant. I wish i had a friend who i could talk to about it. Its times like these that i miss angela,i miss her so much no one understands,for once i had that friend,that best friend who was there,always there,thick and thin,threw everything...Nothing is working out the way it was suppose to,everythings a mess. im a mess. Im so sick again and there is nothing i can do about it. i thought this was why i left school? i left school only to find my self right back where i was 6 months ago, Id ask for help but no one seems to care anymore,its like a lost cause,thats what they lable "this" as...just another lost cause. Something else Shelby Steele has failed at. "She cant even keep her self healthy" I suppose there is nothing i can do anymore. it will work its self out like last time. It scares me that i might end up like her,It scares me that i dont know my self AT ALL anymore.Im stuck in constant day dreams about my future and how my life should be right now and would be if i wasnt so fucking self involved. Im sick of never being okay with any thing in my life,At work i started to slack off so i started working my ass off,everyone else knowtices but the one peron i want to doesnt. I started dating a boy whose amazing but hes not you. I hang out with my friends but you want her. Why does everything end up going back to him? Its been so fucking long why am i still sick over all of this. "everyone has problems" i know but people also deal with shit in diferent ways.
Another year gone by with nothing done. Im so sick. Im so tired. Im so beat.
let me feel sorry for my self tonight.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing