Oh this is laidies night.. oh wait no that was last night!
There is something wrong with me. I have this little feeling inside that I should be enraged. I'm not. I can't stop laughing. I keep thinking out load if Erik was gonna screw up and being a lying sack of shit, you'd think he'd do it for something more than a Wednesday night ladies night at some nightclub outside of Baltimore. o.o lol
This started yesterday. He took me to the tanning salon and when we left he asked if he could go out with Malcom and Streeter on Wednesday. I got pissy and was pretty much asked him flat out what douchebag stunt he was going to pull this time. He was really offended and defensive and pretty much was throwing a fit about how I always think he's participating in some sort of douchebaggery. And I was feeling kind of guilty, because I wasn't giving him a chance. I was taking this hook line and sinker. I brought up the fact he just went to the bar Friday and that has been the only day since OCTOBER. But wah wah wah Erik wanted to go to the bar so I took the boys with me to Sarah's. This did not phase him as he was adamant that he just needed to go out with his coworkers. Obviously I became the infamous door mat and agreed that he could go to the BAR, and have a FEW beers and shoot pool. He assured me he would not go anywhere that I would feel is inappropriate.
NGL I had some hope that he would go to a BAR just outside the base and shoot pool. That he wouldn't do anything that would piss me off. I mean he was just going out with another married marine and another single marine. Maybe this would keep his moral compass pointed in the right direction, right? Maybe Erik was going to be have like a normal married man on a Wednesday night? Or maybe a gigantic rainbow will grow out of my ass and at the end of it there will be a pot of gold and maybe one of Darby O'Gill's little people. lol The rainbow seems more likely.
Yesterday Erik gets home nearly an hour early. I point this out to him. He's home early this is a shock. He's never home early. 5:30? Boy he must be excited to get the hell out. This was red flag number one, but I hadn't noticed it yet since I was still riding the wave of self mutilation with the whole being okay with this thing. So I ask him to help me prelotion before going to the tanning salon and get the boys ready that way he could go on his merry little way.
I get to the tanning salon and there is a wait for the bed I use. So I come out to the car and he promptly ends his phone call. I tell him LOL THATS NOT SUSPICIOUS LOL, And he said he was checking out balance with usaa. I go back in and realize I left my goggles in the car and go back to grab them. He ends his phone call again. This is when the sirens start going off in my head. I'm like MOTHERFUCKER IS UP TO SOMETHIN. SOMETHIN SOMETHIN. I casually point out he did it again and laugh as I walk back to get my 10 minute tan and think about the puzzle pieces that are being put together in my head. So red flag three, Why Wednesday?
While I'm unintentionally turning myself into a sexy red lobster, I'm thinking why Wednesday. Why the day before he has a PFT. Who the hell goes out on hump day? This is making no sense ya'll. Then I'm like holy fuck this is not the second flag its the third. I have three clues to whatever King Douchiest Jr is up to. I still have no real theory so I decide to play ball and let this go. I mean I am enjoying this aromatherapy and baking session. These 10 minutes are making me more relaxed then I've felt ever practically. A bomb could have went off and I would have died happy. Erik was up to something and I was like HA HA HA HA I GOT 10 MINUTES away from hitler's youth.
We get home and eat our mcdonalds and finish up SVU and he gets a call telling him to meet said male person at the shopette so they can carpool.. NIGGA WHAT? It was like there was some sort car crash, fire, explosion on I-95 inside my head. I ask him why he needs to do that and where he's going. He says he doesn't know and Malcom knows. That they were just gonna load up in the same car. So why exactly could he not be picked up at our house? Why the shopette? Why does he need to carpool. BULLSHIT I HEAR YE A COMING.
So he leaves. The power goes out. I put the kids to bed at like 7 something and hit the bottle. I hit it like Erik hit me last summer. Ya know enough to leave a few bruises.
Mr. "omg i need to go to bed before 10pm every night" comes strolling in past 1130. Tells me he went to some bar with a beach in it? Malcom suggested they go there and it was near the airport. I ask him the name of it. He stalls a bit. This could be because he knows I'm gonna google the fuck out of it or it could be that he's clearly drunk. Well he tells me and I ask them what drink specials they had. He said something about a coors light 2$ a bottle. I crack my fingers because I know this douche-a-roni is withholding information. My bullshit detector was like "OMG ALLY THIS REALLY STINKS". He told me it was kinda like a night club but more of a bar. I pointed out that last week I asked for him to go with me to one and he cited that he doesn't dance well. I go to sleep and sugar plums and whores danced in my head.
Sure enough I google this place and it's "Maryland's hottest night club" and "jam packed with LADIES every Wednesday night:". It's wild or something Wednesday where ladies have $6 bottomless drinks!. LOL wow two married men going to ladies night wow. lol so appropriate.
So I have been singing dashboard confessional's vindicated all this morning. Not only is he a douchebag but he's a moron. He could have went to this place on bike night but they made sure to go on ladies night. And he thought he would get away with this but he didn't and most of all.
I WAS RIGHT WOOOH WHOOO.
"I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along"
I cant be angry or upset. I am vindicated. Erik is a douchebag and a moron. I am laughing my red ass off. In fact 10 pounds this week LOL LOL LOL
This started yesterday. He took me to the tanning salon and when we left he asked if he could go out with Malcom and Streeter on Wednesday. I got pissy and was pretty much asked him flat out what douchebag stunt he was going to pull this time. He was really offended and defensive and pretty much was throwing a fit about how I always think he's participating in some sort of douchebaggery. And I was feeling kind of guilty, because I wasn't giving him a chance. I was taking this hook line and sinker. I brought up the fact he just went to the bar Friday and that has been the only day since OCTOBER. But wah wah wah Erik wanted to go to the bar so I took the boys with me to Sarah's. This did not phase him as he was adamant that he just needed to go out with his coworkers. Obviously I became the infamous door mat and agreed that he could go to the BAR, and have a FEW beers and shoot pool. He assured me he would not go anywhere that I would feel is inappropriate.
NGL I had some hope that he would go to a BAR just outside the base and shoot pool. That he wouldn't do anything that would piss me off. I mean he was just going out with another married marine and another single marine. Maybe this would keep his moral compass pointed in the right direction, right? Maybe Erik was going to be have like a normal married man on a Wednesday night? Or maybe a gigantic rainbow will grow out of my ass and at the end of it there will be a pot of gold and maybe one of Darby O'Gill's little people. lol The rainbow seems more likely.
Yesterday Erik gets home nearly an hour early. I point this out to him. He's home early this is a shock. He's never home early. 5:30? Boy he must be excited to get the hell out. This was red flag number one, but I hadn't noticed it yet since I was still riding the wave of self mutilation with the whole being okay with this thing. So I ask him to help me prelotion before going to the tanning salon and get the boys ready that way he could go on his merry little way.
I get to the tanning salon and there is a wait for the bed I use. So I come out to the car and he promptly ends his phone call. I tell him LOL THATS NOT SUSPICIOUS LOL, And he said he was checking out balance with usaa. I go back in and realize I left my goggles in the car and go back to grab them. He ends his phone call again. This is when the sirens start going off in my head. I'm like MOTHERFUCKER IS UP TO SOMETHIN. SOMETHIN SOMETHIN. I casually point out he did it again and laugh as I walk back to get my 10 minute tan and think about the puzzle pieces that are being put together in my head. So red flag three, Why Wednesday?
While I'm unintentionally turning myself into a sexy red lobster, I'm thinking why Wednesday. Why the day before he has a PFT. Who the hell goes out on hump day? This is making no sense ya'll. Then I'm like holy fuck this is not the second flag its the third. I have three clues to whatever King Douchiest Jr is up to. I still have no real theory so I decide to play ball and let this go. I mean I am enjoying this aromatherapy and baking session. These 10 minutes are making me more relaxed then I've felt ever practically. A bomb could have went off and I would have died happy. Erik was up to something and I was like HA HA HA HA I GOT 10 MINUTES away from hitler's youth.
We get home and eat our mcdonalds and finish up SVU and he gets a call telling him to meet said male person at the shopette so they can carpool.. NIGGA WHAT? It was like there was some sort car crash, fire, explosion on I-95 inside my head. I ask him why he needs to do that and where he's going. He says he doesn't know and Malcom knows. That they were just gonna load up in the same car. So why exactly could he not be picked up at our house? Why the shopette? Why does he need to carpool. BULLSHIT I HEAR YE A COMING.
So he leaves. The power goes out. I put the kids to bed at like 7 something and hit the bottle. I hit it like Erik hit me last summer. Ya know enough to leave a few bruises.
Mr. "omg i need to go to bed before 10pm every night" comes strolling in past 1130. Tells me he went to some bar with a beach in it? Malcom suggested they go there and it was near the airport. I ask him the name of it. He stalls a bit. This could be because he knows I'm gonna google the fuck out of it or it could be that he's clearly drunk. Well he tells me and I ask them what drink specials they had. He said something about a coors light 2$ a bottle. I crack my fingers because I know this douche-a-roni is withholding information. My bullshit detector was like "OMG ALLY THIS REALLY STINKS". He told me it was kinda like a night club but more of a bar. I pointed out that last week I asked for him to go with me to one and he cited that he doesn't dance well. I go to sleep and sugar plums and whores danced in my head.
Sure enough I google this place and it's "Maryland's hottest night club" and "jam packed with LADIES every Wednesday night:". It's wild or something Wednesday where ladies have $6 bottomless drinks!. LOL wow two married men going to ladies night wow. lol so appropriate.
So I have been singing dashboard confessional's vindicated all this morning. Not only is he a douchebag but he's a moron. He could have went to this place on bike night but they made sure to go on ladies night. And he thought he would get away with this but he didn't and most of all.
I WAS RIGHT WOOOH WHOOO.
"I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along"
I cant be angry or upset. I am vindicated. Erik is a douchebag and a moron. I am laughing my red ass off. In fact 10 pounds this week LOL LOL LOL