(no subject)
dear friend,
my grandfather died yesterday morning. i tried to not think about it the whole time i was at brandon's, but i failed kind of miserably.
i'm regretting things that i wanted for so long. if i didn't make that happen, then this wouldn't be happening. this whole thing. in a way it is my fault, because i could never shut up about it. you can't blame me though. when something is truely amazing, it takes hold of your heart and your mind. i guess i can't blame her either then.
i'm remembering exact words i used to use when i wanted to cut. exact words i would say when i felt like i should.
"i'm crying, and this isn't what's suppossed to happen."
"my eyes are all dried up, but there's always more."
if you were to look about a year back in my lj, you'd find both of those a shit load of times. don't worry, i'm not going to. my point is just that i remember how i felt.
i miss my grandpa.
my grandfather died yesterday morning. i tried to not think about it the whole time i was at brandon's, but i failed kind of miserably.
i'm regretting things that i wanted for so long. if i didn't make that happen, then this wouldn't be happening. this whole thing. in a way it is my fault, because i could never shut up about it. you can't blame me though. when something is truely amazing, it takes hold of your heart and your mind. i guess i can't blame her either then.
i'm remembering exact words i used to use when i wanted to cut. exact words i would say when i felt like i should.
"i'm crying, and this isn't what's suppossed to happen."
"my eyes are all dried up, but there's always more."
if you were to look about a year back in my lj, you'd find both of those a shit load of times. don't worry, i'm not going to. my point is just that i remember how i felt.
i miss my grandpa.