NOLA
so its official, im going to new orleans to build houses and whatnot in about.....10 days? actually more like 8 or 9, depending on how you count it....how do you count that? whatever, a week from wednesday. holy crap, a week, that sure came up fast. but ya, it all kind of happened fast, it went from a maybe thing, to me thinking it wasnt an option, to all of a sudden i had a day to make a decision, and then my dad told them yes, and they bought my ticket. my dad and i went to a meeting for it on saturday, which i was really nervous for. and i was hungover, which sucked, because not only did i feel like i was going to puke the entire time, it made me feel like a bad person. like i was some sort of sinner for being hungover in a church. but its not like it was the first time thats happened, and its not everyone on the planet isnt a sinner according to the bible anyways. but like ive mentioned before i was nervous about the whole church affiliation/religious aspect of the trip in general. but it actually turned out fine. i mean i just needed to get over myself and the fact that religion is cheesey and awkward for me and just grow up and realize that pretending to say a couple prayers and going to church for one day is not going to kill me, and these people are absolutely not out to convert me. being in the meeting reminded me of how i always said that if i were to actually pick a religion or whatever that i would probably be a methodist, because really at the core of it all, theyre just about being nice and helping people and supporting each other. that sounds cheesey, but really the whole thing made me feel better. they really are just a group of really nice people. and ya it was a little cheesey at times and people were getting emotional and i felt a little weird, but that has more to do with me and my own issues than anything to do with the church. and i just got the overall feeling like, they dont care how religious you are, they dont care why you want to go, theyre just happy that you want to go and they really just want to get to know you better.
it was kind of emotional just to be in the meeting with my dad, because i realized how much this means to him and really how much it means to him for us to do this together. which is sweet, but because im weird about those things, im scared for the trip, im scared im gonna get emotional over all of this stuff and cry. and i hate that. i mean when i really started listening to stories of the people who had already been it really hit me that this is gonna be an intense experience. when you really think about it its hard to even get your head around, it was over two years ago and were just going down now and just STARTING work on these peoples houses. and they were saying how were gonna meet a lot of people and that a lot of the time, they really just want to talk to someone, which makes me a little uneasy. but, im going. so i just really need to mentally prepare myself for all of it, much more than i thought i would.
it actually sounds like it might be fun. because my dad has a lot of experience in this kind of stuff, at least relative to other people in our group, they might put him in charge of us, which made me feel better. im still a little nervous about knowing what to do and trying to figure out what im able to do and whatnot, and things would just be a lot easier if my dad were in charge because he knows what im capable of and we work well together. its about three solid 8 hour days of work and then a half day on the day that we leave. we have sunday off to obviously go to church, which will be interesting im sure, and then we actually get to walk around the city and whatnot. there was some mention of a jazz club one night, and even though the majority of my group is 40+, it sounded fun. there was one guy who looks like he might be like late 20s or so whos actually also going with his dad and who said he had "no church affiliation", who seems like he may be in the same boat as me about the whole thing. actually during the meeting he looked a little uninterested and possibly hungover as well. my dad has lately been pointing out random guys to me, and talking about me meeting a nice boy, so he of course, like the dork that he is, nudged me and pointed at him, saying i could meet a nice jesus boy on the trip. but no. but at least hes someone relatively close to my age.
i dont know, the whole meeting just kind of reminded me of what ive been trying to do lately, as far as just not judging people and just being more mature and open and friendly and not constantly worrying about feeling awkward like i always used to. theres this woman named ri from calvary who basically organized the whole thing, and at some point i found myself sort of making fun of her for being that typical 40 year old single woman who was kind of socially awkward and lived by herself with 3 cats. but then i met her and shes just so incredibly nice and actually funny and she just seems HAPPY. so i just realized, who the fuck am i to judge her life? if shes happy, then what is the problem? who cares if she fits certain stereotypes, shes happy. shes happier than me. and shes damn funny too. and i actually talked to people at the meeting, and introduced myself and shook hands and asked questions, soemthing i never would have done before. and i realized that things are so much less awkward if youre just polite and friendly than they are if youre shy about it. i mean im gonna be living in some seriously tight quarters with these people, they are gonna see what i look like when i wake up, theyre gonna see how shitty i look with no makeup on and boys jeans and sweaty and gross, i would say i definitely need to get over it all and be friendkly. because whehter we want to or not, were all gonna know each other pretty well by the end of this.
and then on top of it all im just really excited to see new orleans. i mean we only have about a half a day really, maybe a couple nights, but itll be cool to see it. and even just to be in some nice weather for a little bit, and just to get the fuck out of atown, which i really need. they actually mentioned something about keeping a blog while were down there as a sort of daily journal that people at the churches will be able to read to see what were up to, and i actually think i might want to do it. they were talking about having a few of us write so that there would be different perspectives, and i think it would be cool to be able to document it and reflect on it all. ill definitely be trying to take a lot of pictures,although im not sure how it will work out on days that were working, but someone mentioned to me about being the sort of "resident photographer" so we can post pictures with the blog. im going to bring a real journal for myself too, because i thnk it will turn out that my blog journal will be a little bit more reserved in some ways that my personal journal. but ive been thinking about starting a real journal for awhile now, so the trip seems like a good time to start.
i dont care how ridiculous or cheesey this sounds, but im honestly hoping that this trip changes my life in a way. like just 'lights a fire under my asss' as the saying goes and just inspires me to get my shit together and get my life going, because as usual i feel like im in a standstill and i have all of these ideas of what i might want to do, but im not doing anything. i just hope that being there is inspiring and when i get back i can get started. i want to start actually actively applying for jobs when i get back, because the longer i stay here the more i hate it, and even though im still somewhat questionable about what i want to do with my life and whether or not i even want to do ID anymore, i know i at least want to do it more than i want to work in retail. and i sure as fuck could use some real money.
anyways, this is the longest entry ever, and even though i have more random things i could talk about, maybe i should break it up a little. plus im at work and there are actually things i should be doing. blargh.
ps - i just actually noticed what my default icon is, and its hilarious to me. i mean i still think jared leto is the most beautiful man on the planet, at least when hes not wearing makeup and despite the fact that he SUCKS, but at one time i really thought it was like a beautiful and poetic thing....ha.....but damn is he beautiful.
it was kind of emotional just to be in the meeting with my dad, because i realized how much this means to him and really how much it means to him for us to do this together. which is sweet, but because im weird about those things, im scared for the trip, im scared im gonna get emotional over all of this stuff and cry. and i hate that. i mean when i really started listening to stories of the people who had already been it really hit me that this is gonna be an intense experience. when you really think about it its hard to even get your head around, it was over two years ago and were just going down now and just STARTING work on these peoples houses. and they were saying how were gonna meet a lot of people and that a lot of the time, they really just want to talk to someone, which makes me a little uneasy. but, im going. so i just really need to mentally prepare myself for all of it, much more than i thought i would.
it actually sounds like it might be fun. because my dad has a lot of experience in this kind of stuff, at least relative to other people in our group, they might put him in charge of us, which made me feel better. im still a little nervous about knowing what to do and trying to figure out what im able to do and whatnot, and things would just be a lot easier if my dad were in charge because he knows what im capable of and we work well together. its about three solid 8 hour days of work and then a half day on the day that we leave. we have sunday off to obviously go to church, which will be interesting im sure, and then we actually get to walk around the city and whatnot. there was some mention of a jazz club one night, and even though the majority of my group is 40+, it sounded fun. there was one guy who looks like he might be like late 20s or so whos actually also going with his dad and who said he had "no church affiliation", who seems like he may be in the same boat as me about the whole thing. actually during the meeting he looked a little uninterested and possibly hungover as well. my dad has lately been pointing out random guys to me, and talking about me meeting a nice boy, so he of course, like the dork that he is, nudged me and pointed at him, saying i could meet a nice jesus boy on the trip. but no. but at least hes someone relatively close to my age.
i dont know, the whole meeting just kind of reminded me of what ive been trying to do lately, as far as just not judging people and just being more mature and open and friendly and not constantly worrying about feeling awkward like i always used to. theres this woman named ri from calvary who basically organized the whole thing, and at some point i found myself sort of making fun of her for being that typical 40 year old single woman who was kind of socially awkward and lived by herself with 3 cats. but then i met her and shes just so incredibly nice and actually funny and she just seems HAPPY. so i just realized, who the fuck am i to judge her life? if shes happy, then what is the problem? who cares if she fits certain stereotypes, shes happy. shes happier than me. and shes damn funny too. and i actually talked to people at the meeting, and introduced myself and shook hands and asked questions, soemthing i never would have done before. and i realized that things are so much less awkward if youre just polite and friendly than they are if youre shy about it. i mean im gonna be living in some seriously tight quarters with these people, they are gonna see what i look like when i wake up, theyre gonna see how shitty i look with no makeup on and boys jeans and sweaty and gross, i would say i definitely need to get over it all and be friendkly. because whehter we want to or not, were all gonna know each other pretty well by the end of this.
and then on top of it all im just really excited to see new orleans. i mean we only have about a half a day really, maybe a couple nights, but itll be cool to see it. and even just to be in some nice weather for a little bit, and just to get the fuck out of atown, which i really need. they actually mentioned something about keeping a blog while were down there as a sort of daily journal that people at the churches will be able to read to see what were up to, and i actually think i might want to do it. they were talking about having a few of us write so that there would be different perspectives, and i think it would be cool to be able to document it and reflect on it all. ill definitely be trying to take a lot of pictures,although im not sure how it will work out on days that were working, but someone mentioned to me about being the sort of "resident photographer" so we can post pictures with the blog. im going to bring a real journal for myself too, because i thnk it will turn out that my blog journal will be a little bit more reserved in some ways that my personal journal. but ive been thinking about starting a real journal for awhile now, so the trip seems like a good time to start.
i dont care how ridiculous or cheesey this sounds, but im honestly hoping that this trip changes my life in a way. like just 'lights a fire under my asss' as the saying goes and just inspires me to get my shit together and get my life going, because as usual i feel like im in a standstill and i have all of these ideas of what i might want to do, but im not doing anything. i just hope that being there is inspiring and when i get back i can get started. i want to start actually actively applying for jobs when i get back, because the longer i stay here the more i hate it, and even though im still somewhat questionable about what i want to do with my life and whether or not i even want to do ID anymore, i know i at least want to do it more than i want to work in retail. and i sure as fuck could use some real money.
anyways, this is the longest entry ever, and even though i have more random things i could talk about, maybe i should break it up a little. plus im at work and there are actually things i should be doing. blargh.
ps - i just actually noticed what my default icon is, and its hilarious to me. i mean i still think jared leto is the most beautiful man on the planet, at least when hes not wearing makeup and despite the fact that he SUCKS, but at one time i really thought it was like a beautiful and poetic thing....ha.....but damn is he beautiful.