(no subject)
sleptover at cindy's. cindy my bestfriend. my love.
soulmates rooted in friendship alone.
loved you the most.
glad that you're happy with the one you've always loved.
with nadyea, bestfriend and former partner in crime.
sayang you too. despite the spats and the childhood traumas you induced so mercilessly. despite you stealing clement's balls and storing them in a jar.
you know we care about you, stop selling yourself short. *hugs*
and that night.. made me realise how much things could change yet still remain the same. and how much love and friendship can grow even when we're miles and time apart. and how much you two have always been sisters to me.
and how much i still miss vikki.
and how we're all running full circle now.
and that's something the rest of the world can't touch.
come to friday. where a 5 minute ciggie break cum 1 hour conversation had my heart pounding.
come to today. when i woke up with my mother shouting and my sister limp in my father's arms. when her eyes kept rolling back in her head and all i could think of was how once she gets in the car i'll never see her again. on how so many times prior i had mentally prepared myself for this. imagined it even. the actions i would go through, what i would do. how i wouldn't allow myself to break. and i had walked back and forth in the room not knowing what things like pants and shirts were.
and i had stood standing, feeling the panic threatening their way out of my eyes, willing myself to be numb. numb. numb.
in the ICU she said 'see you..'
and i just said, 'no, no no... you're going nowhere. you're staying here with me."
and she's there. and i'm here. and i don't know what to feel. or how i'm feeling.
i'm digging my own grave. i know i shouldn't.
but there's really no other way.
i can't speak anymore.
soulmates rooted in friendship alone.
loved you the most.
glad that you're happy with the one you've always loved.
with nadyea, bestfriend and former partner in crime.
sayang you too. despite the spats and the childhood traumas you induced so mercilessly. despite you stealing clement's balls and storing them in a jar.
you know we care about you, stop selling yourself short. *hugs*
and that night.. made me realise how much things could change yet still remain the same. and how much love and friendship can grow even when we're miles and time apart. and how much you two have always been sisters to me.
and how much i still miss vikki.
and how we're all running full circle now.
and that's something the rest of the world can't touch.
come to friday. where a 5 minute ciggie break cum 1 hour conversation had my heart pounding.
come to today. when i woke up with my mother shouting and my sister limp in my father's arms. when her eyes kept rolling back in her head and all i could think of was how once she gets in the car i'll never see her again. on how so many times prior i had mentally prepared myself for this. imagined it even. the actions i would go through, what i would do. how i wouldn't allow myself to break. and i had walked back and forth in the room not knowing what things like pants and shirts were.
and i had stood standing, feeling the panic threatening their way out of my eyes, willing myself to be numb. numb. numb.
in the ICU she said 'see you..'
and i just said, 'no, no no... you're going nowhere. you're staying here with me."
and she's there. and i'm here. and i don't know what to feel. or how i'm feeling.
i'm digging my own grave. i know i shouldn't.
but there's really no other way.
i can't speak anymore.