(no subject)

[was_no_miracle]

Len stretched with a groan, and his neck cracked ominously. All right, so the break had been long overdue. It probably would have been a good idea to stop at some point before Rin's code had started to look like a blurry mass of incomprehensible symbols.

But hey, he was up and getting food, and nobody had even had to remind him. Progress, right?

Rummaging in the freezer, he pulled out a TV dinner - no, not terribly healthy, but lab food had to be fast and simple - and, on a whim, a tub of ice cream. Kaito had been very quiet this afternoon, he deserved a treat. Meiko might scold him for spoiling the boy, but hey, he could always pass it off as positive reinforcement.

With the dinner in the microwave and a bowl of ice cream in hand, he ventured out into the halls.

"Kaito," he called. "Hey, Kaito, you want some ice cream?"

...It was the lack of response that made him start to worry. Frowning deeply, he went looking.

He was sitting and waiting and being quiet- Meiko had told him to, so he was. It was boring. He wanted to get up- he had been kicking a ball around when Meiko had started yelling at him, and he wanted to go back to that. But Meiko had said-

His head was starting to hurt. And as if everything wasn't bad enough already...

"Kaito! Hey, Kaito, you want some ice cream?"

...now he really wanted to get up. In fact, he was halfway off of the foot of his bed before Meiko's voice caught up to him and he sat back down, heavily. His head really hurt now, and that just made himwant the ice cream more and it wasn't fair. Maybe he could ask dad to bring him some- no, then he'd have to yell, Meiko had said to be quiet.

This sucked.

This really wasn't like Kaito. The quietness was one thing - as full of energy as Kaito usually was, even he could settle down sometimes - but not responding when he was called was something else. Especially when the calling involved ice cream.

Maybe he's not feeling well. It was a very slim possibility, admittedly - according to Meiko, so little of Kaito's vital functions actually had to do with his organic parts now that it was exceedingly unlikely he would ever actually feel ill, even if something could get through his altered biochemistry to infect him.

But he clung to the idea all the same. If it wasn't that, it was likely to be something worse.

Finding his way to Kaito's room, slowly melting ice cream in hand, Len knocked lightly on the door.

"Kaito? Are you in there?"

His head had already snapped up at the approaching footsteps- probably dad (or at least he hoped so). Him or Rin, either way would have been good. Rin usually did what you asked her to if you were polite about it, so if it was her she could get Len. Meiko would have been okay, too. Maybe. He wasn't as sure about that... even if she was going to tell him that he could stop, there was something-

don't think about it

He blinked, rubbed at his forehead. Dad was outside, saying something- ice cream, that was right. He wanted some. Would talking be being too loud? He was right outside, he wouldn't need to yell or anything...

"Yeah, I'm in here. Did you bring the ice cream with you?"

Len smiled. Well, that much was like Kaito. And he sounded perfectly healthy... which just opened the door for a number of more worrisome possibilities.

"I did," he said. "Mind if I come in?"

"Like you even need to ask!" he replied, relieved. He wasn't sure what he would had done if he wasn't allowed to talk, either.

Smiling, Len opened the door and walked in. After handing Kaito the ice cream, he took a seat next to Kaito on the bed.

"Is everything alright?" he asked gently. "It's not like you not to come running at the mention of ice cream!"

He had kept the smile on his face, and had been trying for a light, teasing tone to ease the mood, but his voice betrayed his worry anyway.

He'd already made a decent inroad into his tub and had another spoonful halfway to his mouth when Len asked the question. He was doing that thing where he was trying to sound all cheerful, and that was NEVER a good sign.

"Meiko... Meiko wanted me to sit down and be quiet," he muttered, putting the spoon down. Suddenly, Kaito wasn't hungry at all.

Len laughed a little bit, in genuine surprise. "Really? Since when do you listen to Meiko that easi--"

It hit him in midsentence.

Kaito's failure to come when called. His remarkable quietness when normally you couldn't bribe him to settle down. And most telling, his strange response just now. All of it added up to the one possibility he hadn't even dared to consciously consider.

No... Oh, hell, Meiko...

He took in a slow, deep breath, and clasped his hands to stop their sudden, furious shaking. "End hypnotic state. Authorization code: KL-565-34663-6547."

Better to look foolish if he was wrong, then to possibly leave Kaito's free will disabled for even a moment longer.

He'd been about to ask what dad was talking about when whatever it was he was saying hit him like a bucket of ice water. For a moment he couldn't breathe- he was vaguely aware of having dropped the ice cream (something he would regret later on, when he would need the comfort). Suddenly he understood- and then it was gone, like trying to remember a dream he had just woken up from.

...just as disorienting, too. He blinked once, twice, and slowly started to frown. He felt ill, and... something was wrong. Something was really wrong, and he didn't know what it was.

"...Len. Len, what was- what were we just talking about?"

Len cringed inwardly at the dropped ice cream, if only because that moment of uncoordination confirmed beyond a doubt what had been done to Kaito. At least the concrete floors were easy to clean...

Kaito's question only brought up a fresh wave of horror. Amnesia was not a programmed part of Kaito's suggestive state; the only reason he should have forgotten was if...

He was going to have words with Meiko.

Swallowing, he put an arm around Kaito's shoulders. He didn't want to have to say it, but it was better that Kaito knew right away.

"...Meiko told you to stay here and be quiet," he said, and there was a quiet, furious tremor in his voice. "There are... triggers in your code. Only Meiko and I know them. They're only supposed to be used in absolute worst-case scenarios - there's one to make you go to sleep, and one to--" he really really hated this "to make you suggestible, if there's a situation where we really need you to just follow directions."

He closed his eyes and took a breath. He was getting angrier at Meiko by the minute, but Kaito really didn't need to see that right now.

"...Meiko must have activated your command state, and... told you to be quiet. And, apparently, to forget about it afterwards."

...Len was upset. He didn't get upset or angry often - or at least not like this - and that he was now... Between this and everything else he was suddenly feeling, Kaito was terrified. Len's arm was a more than welcome comfort; it meant that whatever was going on, at least it wasn't his fault. He promptly shifted closer toward his father and pulled his legs up against his chest to listen.

When he started talking, Kaito almost wished he hadn't. What Len was talking about... he thought he could understand why, even if he didn't want to. He knew he wasn't always the most obedient child; he liked to run around and poke his nose into things, and Meiko yelled at him for it on a daily basis. Even so, the thought that something like that could be done... it hurt. (And what was worse was the quiet, guilty thought that that made him just like Rin.) But... what Len was implying... no. No. Even if he knew Meiko didn't like him the way Len did, she wouldn't do something like that. Would she? And wouldn't he remember it?

But Len kept talking, and then he was no longer implying, he was saying it outright. He wanted to protest, say the things he had just been thinking, but... suddenly his head was killing him, and... and...

Len was telling the truth.

"...my head hurts. I don't- I don't remember-" was all he could choke out before burying his face in his hands.

This was exactly why they'd never told Kaito about the codes, Len thought as he turned and wrapped his other arm around Kaito in a hug. Ideally, Kaito should have been able to go his entire life without ever having to know.

"It's all right, Kaito," he said gently, stroking the boy's hair soothingly. It was still strange sometimes to realize that Kaito, for all that he was taller than Len himself, was really just a child. "It's all right, it's not your fault... I'll talk to Meiko, all right? I'll make sure she knows she can't just go doing that. It'll all be okay..."

He certainly hoped so, anyway.

It took him a couple of minutes before he could pull himself back together. There was a sick, queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach, and all he could think was "what if this isn't the first time this has happened?" If Meiko could really do something like that, if he could really just be told to forget... Could dad have-?

...that hug was suddenly a lot less comforting than it had been a moment ago. He shuddered, and tried to shift away as subtly as he could.

"Can't you... I don't know, can't you take it out or something? I- I know sometimes I don't do what you guys say, b-but if it's really serious... I could promise, right?"

Len's heart was breaking. He pulled back so he could look Kaito in the eyes, frowning.

"...I don't think you'd still be you if I did," he said regretfully. "The coding goes pretty deep - I'm not even sure I'd be able to take it out safely. Believe me, though, I wish I could..."

He stroked his hand through Kaito's hair again, wishing it was as easy to smooth over his son's fear. "I promise, Kaito, this sort of thing will never happen again. I won't let it happen again, okay?"

Possibly easier said than done. If Meiko thought it was okay to just yank Kaito's brain around like this, there were deeper problems. But damned if he wasn't going to try to fix them.

It was the answer he had been afraid of, but the reasons why were both worse and better than what he was expecting. When he heard it, his first impulse had been to snap something along the lines of "If you wish you could, then why did you put it there in the first place?" But that was stupid. He'd seen those late night horror movies about mad scientists and rebellious creations, and for all that Len loved him, he knew that his situation wasn't too different from theirs. If something had gone wrong when he'd first woken up, they would have needed to be able to knock him back out (turn him back off). So he nodded, instead.

Those other worries were still with him, though. He didn't think dad could have done anything, especially not after the way he was reacting to this. But... better to be safe than sorry. He might as well ask. "If Meiko... If she really did mess with my memory like that, how do I know she didn't do anything else?"

If there was a way to tell, something he could look for... at least that would make him feel better.

"I'll ask Meiko what she's done," Len said decisively. "And, just in case... even if you don't consciously remember it, there should be a command log. Write-only - it can't be wiped." He was terribly glad for that, now. Even if only the two of them had access, even if he'd never expected the codes to ever be used, it was just good sense to have records available. "If you want to be sure, we can check that and find out exactly what's been going on."

Not quite what he had been hoping for, but definitely better than just asking Meiko. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to so much as look at her after this, let alone trust anything she said.

"Can you? Please?" he pleaded. Maybe he was just being childish, but... it was bad enough thinking that he'd lost whatever he'd been told to forget. He wanted to at least know that the rest of his mind was his own.

"Of course." Len stood up and held out his hand. "We can go look right now, if you want?"

Kaito nodded, throat tight, and took his father's hand before heaving himself off of the bed and to his feet.

It was fortunate that the lab complex wasn't actually all that large. It was a fairly short distance from the living quarters to the computer labs. Len held Kaito's hand the entire way; it wasn't that there was any chance of Kaito getting lost, but the poor kid needed all the comfort he could get right now.

Which might have backfired a little bit, the way his hand tensed at the sound of footsteps in the hall ahead of them, and Meiko's voice echoing around the corner.

"All right, Kaito, you can go ahead and-- oh shit!" Rounding the corner just ahead of them, she had to stop and quickly step back as she nearly collided with Len. "Len! I didn't hear you comi..."

Her gaze landed on Kaito. It traveled to their linked hands, and then to the suddenly icy look on Len's face.

"Meiko," Len said, and there was steel in his voice. "Just the person I wanted to see."

Kaito was wrapped up enough in his own thoughts that the sudden squeeze on his hand was all the warning he got before Meiko started calling. Even so, it was enough; he stopped so fast he almost tripped before trying to get behind Len. Kind of stupid, considering how much shorter dad was, but... beyond not wanting to be anywhere NEAR Meiko, he had the feeling he did not want to be between the two of them.

Judging by the look on dad's face when she rounded the corner, he had been right. Under other circumstances, the whole thing might have been funny- the look Meiko was wearing was not unlike the one he sometimes wore around her, and Len's voice- brrrrrr. He made a mental note to never, ever make dad that angry, and then why he was angry caught up with him and he cringed.

He wanted to ask Meiko why, but... there was a lump in his throat, and he knew if he tried to say anything he would probably lose it. He bit his lip and looked at the floor instead.

Meiko cleared her throat, straightening the lapels of her labcoat. There was no use trying to hide or dance around the issue. Len's face told the whole story.

"He was bouncing off the walls," she offered, a bit defensively.

"You used the trigger code," Len said coldly.

"He wouldn't settle down! You know he needs rest more than anything else, he's at a delicate--"

The sound that came from Len was not the kind of sound he usually made. His voice was a snarl.

"Those are supposed to be our absolute /last resorts/, Meiko! Life or death scenarios! I thought we agreed on this!"

Meiko took a step back, glowering stubbornly.

"Well, he won't have much of a life if he pops all his stitches and falls off his chassis, now, will he?"

"So your answer to keeping him quiet is to yank his brain around on a hook? That's your first resort? Good God, Meiko, he's terrified! What would even possess you to do that?!

He had been looking forward to Meiko getting in trouble. Which was wrong; he knew it was wrong to want anybody to get yelled at, but she deserved it. This, though- this was past trouble.

Meiko... Kaito hadn't known why she had done it, couldn't even think of a reason. But from what she was saying... it sounded like she had been worried about him. It didn't make any sense, but somehow that just made it worse. What she had done wasn't right, was it? Could that sort of thing ever be right? If she had done it because she didn't want him to hurt himself... did that make it his fault?

He wanted to run back to his room and hide. He wanted dad to stop being angry. He wanted them to stop fighting, to stop talking about him like he wasn't there. He wanted this entire day to just never have happened, even if that meant never knowing (especially if that meant never knowing!)-

He yanked his hand away from Len's before turning and bolting.

Len cut off in mid-tirade when he felt Kaito's hand leave his. Turning to see what was the matter, he could only stand and stare helplessly as the boy ran. "Kaito--"

Meiko looked at Len carefully. The nasty reply came to mind easily - 'who's terrifying him, again?' - but prudence overrode her injured pride.

Kaito... really was terrified, wasn't he?

She fidgeted guiltily as Len sighed and turned back to face her. She couldn't help but recall just how upset Kaito had been the first time... ordering him to forget had seemed like a reasonable solution at the time, but then the way he'd avoided her afterwards...

"...Len, look," she said quietly. "I only used it to settle him down once or twice--"

"He's a child, Meiko," Len said hoarsely. "He doesn't understand things. He's just a child. And instead of treating him like one, you just..."

That shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. Meiko cringed.

"...I'm sorry, all right? Won't happen again."

"Don't apologize to me," Len said, walking away. "Apologize to him."

He was already berating himself by the time he made it back to his room and slammed the door shut. Stupid! Running away wouldn't fix any of this (even if it had made them stop arguing, from the sound of things); if anything, the situation would probably be worse. Either Len or Meiko would come looking for him, and-- oh crap, Meiko. Possibly- no, probably alone. That was a bad thought. But-

Dad wouldn't let her do that again. He said he wouldn't. And even if he didn't want to see her at all, avoiding her would just be running away again. If he wanted any of this to get better, he would have to talk to her.

...that didn't mean that he wasn't going to look for earplugs first. Just in case.

It was hours later when Meiko finally came to his door.

Len had done all he could to soothe Kaito in the immediate aftermath, apologizing and recounting Meiko's promise and making a promise of his own to take Kaito to have a look at the logs just as soon as they could be sure Meiko wouldn't be anywhere near the area. He'd cleaned up the mess on Kaito's floor, brought him some new ice cream, hugged him, and let him be alone.

For her part, Meiko had wrestled with herself over this the entire evening. Wasn't she justified in looking after their creation's well-being? She was the surgeon, the care of Kaito's fleshy bits was her business, did it really matter how she chose to safeguard him?

The looks on Len and Kaito's faces when they'd met in the hall, Len's lecture, and her squirming conscience told her, yes. it does.

So, taking a deep breath, she raised her hand to knock softly on Kaito's door.

"Kaito?" she said quietly. "Can I come in?"

Kaito was sprawled out on his bed, groaning under his breath. He'd been unhappily pushing at the blank spots in his memory like a kid messing with a loose tooth for the past half hour or so, and the only thing he had to show for it was a headache. Like that wasn't bad enough, he'd never managed to find the earplugs, and while the couple of hours had given him time to cool off about Meiko he was still annoyed about that- it was the principle of the thing.

So when Meiko finally showed up at his door he was not in the mood to be charitable at all. "Would you even care whether I said yes or no?" he snapped back, then winced and covered his eyes. Real mature, Kaito.

"...no, it's... it's fine. Come in."

Meiko paused for a moment before opening the door.

"I guess I deserved that," she said as she slipped in. She closed the door behind there, and... stood there, fidgeting.

Damn. She had to do this, but how? 'Sorry I took away your free will'?

"...Len's right," she said finally. "I shouldn't have done that. ... I'm sorry."

...apparently he was not as calm about the whole thing as he thought he had been. The moment Meiko closed the door his stomach started churning again, and when she started talking he had to fight down the urge to just slam his hands over his ears. His arm was still over his eyes; he couldn't see her face, couldn't tell what expression she was wearing- but when he finally forced himself to focus on what she was saying... it wasn't enough. It made him think of Len, telling him to go apologize to Meiko for bothering her when he wasn't sorry at all, and that made him angry.

"Are you?" he asked, his voice completely flat.

Meiko tried not to growl, but she was frustrated despite herself. It had been painful enough to swallow her pride and realize she'd done the wrong thing; was Kaito going to make her walk over coals to give her apology too?

"Yes, believe it or not," she said, and inwardly cringed. Those were the wrong words to say, she knew as soon as they left her mouth. Wresting the mental reins away from the voice of pettiness, she took a breath and
tried again. "I didn't know what else to do, all right? Your body's still fragile, and I don't want to see you mes-- I don't want anything to happen to it," she said carefully. "...Or you."

For a moment he had to clench his teeth against another surge of anger. Meiko... she was still talking about him like he was more of a thing than a person, and that hurt. There was a moment where all he wanted to do was chuck his pillow at her head and start yelling. Instead, he rolled over heavily, pulling his arm away from his face to look at her.

"...you could've asked. I know you tell me all of the time not to do stuff, but that's not the same as asking, and... I get bored, you know? I don't like lying around all the time." That... hadn't come out at all like he was thinking. Try again. "...I don't know. I just... it's like you could have done anything and it would've been... it still would have been better than that."

Meiko sighed, and pulled over a chair to sit down. He was right, of course. ('He's just a child,' Len had said. How often did children just do what you told them to?)

"It won't happen again," she said gently. "I promise, from now on I'll just ask if I need you to do something." If only so that he wouldn't look at her like that again. The lab rats back in university had never given her looks like that...

And that was it, wasn't it? Kaito was an experiment, but he was... different from any other experimental subject Meiko had ever had. She'd never before had a part in creating an artificial life form. Of course she'd known he'd be different at the start, but...

'He's just a child.'

Maybe it was time to start treating him like one.

"...Do you understand why I wanted you to settle down, Kaito?" she asked quietly.

He watched her sit down, warily. He was still unhappy with the whole thing, but Meiko's promise... that felt better than anything else she had been saying, and he sighed shakily as some of the tension finally left him.

-Which just meant he was taken completely off guard when she asked the question.

"...you didn't want me to tear my stitches...?" he replied, tentatively. That was the right answer, wasn't it?

...That was actually kind of cute. Meiko smiled.

"Well, yeah, that's true. But it's not exactly what I'm worried about." She chuckled. "I'm just not that attached to the needlework itself, you know? But the stitches are there for a reason. You know why you have them, right?"

Okay, not quite the right answer, and now Meiko had a harder question. Kaito didn't think about that sort of thing much; it got too creepy. He chewed his lip absently before answering, rolling over onto his side as he did so. "...I'm made of different... uh, pieces, and the stitches hold them together."

"Right, exactly." Meiko settled a little further into the chair. This was more comfortable territory for her - and if she could make Kaito understand this, then life would be a lot smoother for the both of them. "Now, I don't know if you realize this, but you're not always going to need them. Your body's still figuring out how to heal itself, and eventually it'll heal all those different pieces you're made of into just one piece, like my body or Len's. When that happens, we can take the stitches out, because you won't need them to hold you together anymore."

Kaito blinked. Ran over what she was saying in his head. ...Then he did it again for good measure, because what Meiko was saying was... it was...

"Oh." he blurted, stunned. He didn't like the stitches; they itched sometimes and it felt weird whenever they got tugged on (which happened way too often, the stupid things always got caught on furniture and stuff), but he'd always assumed that he'd need them.

Meiko laughed, and ran a hand through her hair.

"Sorry, kiddo," she said. "I guess we shoulda told you that before, huh? It never occurred to me before you might not realize..."

It was a little dizzying. Kaito hadn't realized his body would heal. They'd given him as much basic knowledge to start with as they could, but it seemed like there was always something else more basic than they'd thought...

She was going to have to learn to look at things from Kaito's perspective, that was all there was to it. Getting mad at him for not doing something he didn't understand was... it was stupid. It was failing him on a test when he'd never been taught the material.

"Anyway, that's why I'm always telling you to stop running around and be quiet. You need as much rest as you can get right now." She gave him an encouraging smile. "In a few months, probably, you won't need to so much. The deeper tissue will connect first, and that'll hold the pieces together pretty well on its own, so it won't matter so much if you break some stitches. But for now, you still need to be careful."

...Although that didn't solve the problem on Kaito's end. She bit her lip in thought.

"...And, if you're bored, I'll see what I can do about finding stuff you can do while you're resting. Okay?"

Now he understood why Meiko had done it. It still hurt a little, but... how could he be angry at her for wanting to take care of him? Especially when it sounded like he'd been screwing up even more than she had. Not being able to run around or anything... that would still suck, hard. But if he really had to, he'd try.

...except it looked like he wouldn't have to. Just like that, what had been one of the worst days ever became one of the best.

"Wha- really, Meiko? You'd do that?" he asked.

"Sure I would." She stood up, smiling. "I mean, least I can do, right? I'll see if I can find you some books and board games and things, okay? It might mean a shopping trip, but I'll get you something."

If boredom was the root of the problem, then by God, she knew how to fix that, at least.

If it weren't for the fact that it would completely defeat the point of the entire talk they'd just had, Kaito could have jumped up and run laps. As it was, he could barely restrain himself from tackling Meiko. He wouldn't have to worry about bothering either of the adults when they were busy - and she wouldn't have to get mad at him any more! And if she was getting board games, then sometime he might even get dad and Meiko and maybe even Rin to play, too! Like a family game night or something-

Even his own excitement couldn't stifle the thought that suddenly occurred to him. "Um... hey Meiko, wait," he said, hesitantly. "Len is... he's like my dad, right? And Rin is supposed to be my sister."

When was the last time she'd seen Kaito so happy? Meiko couldn't quite remember. After so much friction between them, it seemed to her as if she'd only ever seen him sulking - or frightened. But here and now, his face was lit up like Christmas. It warmed her heart to see it, even as she felt a little stab of guilt.

What he said next caught her off guard. Well... it was true, wasn't it? Len acted more like a father to Kaito than a researcher, and he himself had said it to Rin when she was activated: 'Let's go meet your big brother'. "Yeah... That's right, Kaito. Len's your dad, and Rin's your little sister." And that left one big, obvious space open for her. Suddenly, she felt even worse. What the hell kind of mom was she?

It was kind of a relief to hear her agree, even if he'd been mostly expecting it. -Not that he was going to let that distract him. "But... Meiko, you're the one that helped dad put me together. So..." he trailed off, before looking down and swallowing.

It was an embarrassing question, but... Kaito had to ask, now that he'd thought about it. Otherwise he'd always be wondering, and if he just assumed... what if he was wrong? He didn't want to be wrong about this. It was too important. So... he took a deep breath and glanced back up at her.

"...d-does that make you my mom?"

And there it was, out in the open. Meiko closed her eyes, momentarily overwhelmed. There was guilt, yes, but... relief?

"I guess it does," she said gently, opening her eyes and smiling at him. On impulse, she reached over to ruffle his hair. "...From now on, I'll try to be a better one."

She had said yes. She had said yes! -And she was even messing with his hair the same way dad did, and...

Kaito gave up on trying to restrain himself; instead, he pushed himself up off of the bed and pulled her into a hug.

Meiko laughed - half out of startled reflex from the impact - and wrapped her arms around him too, patting his back. He really was a cute kid, once you got your head around him being a kid in the first place. She still felt guilty - more now than ever, in some ways - but it was all right. She'd just make it up to him from now on.

"Does this mean I'm forgiven?" she asked with a smile, only half teasing.

Forgiven? Forgiven for wha- oh. He'd gotten too excited and too happy to stay angry, and... well, he didn't really think he wanted to remember it, anyway. Kaito burrowed a little further into Meiko's shoulder (she was hugging him!) and took a breath.

"...you were just trying to keep my from hurting myself, right? Even if the way was... even if I don't like how you did it, it was also my fault for being dumb. ...I can't be angry with you for that. It'd be like getting mad at dad for making me or something," he finished.

Something loosened and smoothed out in Meiko's chest. She let out an unconscious, relieved sigh, and gave Kaito an affectionate, comforting squeeze.

"Nah, it wasn't your fault. You were just doing what kids do. Can't blame you for not knowing something we never told you..."

Pulling back, she put her hands on his shoulders and smiled up at him.

"C'mon, it's about time for dinner. I'll make you macaroni."