(no subject)
I'm 21 years old and I've known more people that have died in my town than some people know in a lifetime. I've been to more funerals than weddings. I've gotten the tragic news since I was 12 years old when my best friend died of cancer. I know exactly what that telephone ring sounds like or the last breathe taken right before that sentence is blurted out. Because that's the only way to go about that sort of thing when three more of your friends died in a horrific accident. You shouldn't be able to prepare yourself for this. You shouldn't ever get used to this. But somehow after 21 years the idea of death doesn't phase me, even when I find out my friend was left in a car to die after a drug overdose. I am so desensitized to it. It has even come to the disturbing point where I start to day dream about, planning my future reaction the next time I hear "There's been an accident" or "I have some bad news." I am by no means a public cryer, trying my hardest not to let my tears out. I've locked myself in the bathroom at wakes of both my grandpas just to be alone, not even letting my family console me. But now it's at a point where I don't even think I need to cry anymore. Life seems to be defined more by death these days. It's like a video game; you just didn't make it past this level. It's pretty tragic, but I'm not even sure what to do about it. Somehow I feel that people publicly mourn the dead as a way of getting attention for themselves. I honestly try not to feel that way, to be there for others when they are broken, but it's getting harder and harder to see the truth in people, when the only genuine people I've ever known are already gone.
Watch over us, always ♥ Love never ends.
Watch over us, always ♥ Love never ends.