Behind My Closed Eyelids : Hopeful Convictions - Epilogue
Title: Behind My Closed Eyelids : Hopeful Convictions
Chapter: one-shot
Author: warumono_girl
Band(s): Dir en Grey x The GazettE
Pairing: KyoxRuki
Rating: Nc-17 in all of them to be safe.
Warnings: none.
Summary: ” It took me some seconds to realize the feelings passing through me. First the uncontrollable urge to make that tiny question, just to ask him if he was mad …”
Word Count: 1.374
Notes: this series was written for j10_ways, this is the epilogue of said story, just as I promised.
()
Hopeful Convictions
Epilogue
Kaoru’s PoV
The live was hard. Maybe the hardest until now, but I’m pretty certain that the feeling of being home one more time was making everyone of us give his best out there. The incredible rising of the crowd showed me enough to know that we’ve succeeded once again.
Barely walking straight we all noticed how bad Kyo seemed. The steps leading to our backstage room were almost dubious. One more concert, one more night, one more successful tour. Just like any other time.
I should have know better, should have know that this night would be nothing like the others since the moment I looked at Kyo’s eyes, and for the first time in so long they answered me back.
I barged in the room first, seeing how everyone else stopped to give our crew one or two words of thanks, and I have to say that what I found when I opened the door was a lot less than what I’ve expected. I didn’t discovered myself in an empty room and neither between one or two of our crew members. No. The petite figure, the one sitting at the long forgotten couch at the corner of the messy room, was far too familiar to me, and at the same time far too much trouble. A trouble that I’ve promise not to put my hand into, I’ve promised it to Kyo and to myself. It was his problem, his life, not mine. But still, seeing said men here, looking to me with that shy smile of his made nothing to calm my sudden nervousness.
It took me some seconds to realize the feelings passing through me. First the uncontrollable urge to make that tiny question, just to ask him if he was mad. Every one of us know more than well what kind of twisted relationship said man has with our vocalist. Everyone knew what comes when things don’t flow as Kyo wishes, and I know more than anything that having him here were surely not Kyo’s way. The feelings started to mix, the question started to fade and the apprehension started to build in time with the louder sound of foot steps getting near. I was almost sure that the night would not going to end well. I could see how Kyo would frown upon seeing him here, how he would quickly change from that sated smile to that enraged scowl. I could feel how hard he would tug the other away, impeding him from sparing any word to him or anyone else, and once they got away from us, I was pretty sure that whichever would be the younger punishment, it would be harsh and not kind at all. Not exactly the end that I’ve wanted for our night returning home.
I kept my gaze locked with his, looking, searching for something, anything, regret, fear, anything we’ve become used to see in those deep brown eyes, but in the end I could see nothing. Nothing but an unmistakable feeling, one that got me pitying him in a way I know I shouldn’t.
I’ve got too worked up on my musings, missing the moment when my band mates passed trough that same door, everyone in their usual post concert state. Toshyia was bugging the world out of everyone, even if his tiredness was perfectly shown at his face. Die was smiling and thanking everyone in his line of vision, showing that adorable smile of his without any shame. Shinya, always quieter than the rest of us, seemed to be the first one to notice that I wasn’t alone in the room. His babbling with our bassist stopped on the moment he saw the other vocalist on the couch. His face seemed as shocked as mine, however, always the polite one, the only reaction he gave was a soft nod and a polite greeting.
That made everyone attention turns to the room, the gazes, passing over me on the counter chair, fell on the small form on the couch. As if in an attempt of an explanation, I received more than one look, eyes that said everything. Fearful silent voices and soundless questions that would have never expected what was about to happen.
We all heard Kyo’s soft growl at being denied passage and rest, and with a forceful shove the small blond made his way past our shocked band mates, looking over me as if I had grown a second head, a clear question as why was everyone pulled in the room’s entrance.
I dismissed him softly with a move of my hands, going back to the task of ignoring everyone else; in a false pretend of just watching the final upcoming. I could feel Shinya’s gaze burning my neck with worry, and at the same time I tried hard to tell myself that whatever happens here, it’s not my place to take a side.
The anxiety in the room got heavier and heavier, every one eyeing Kyo softly. What none of us expected though was his reaction. He looked at the room, searching the commotion motive, and even if his eyes locked with Ruki’s, both men said nothing. A soft nod was shared, as a quietly acknowledge of each other, and then, Kyo was taking a seat in the empty chair besides me, a water bottle in hand and a towel in the other. I’m certain that he could feel everyone gaze at him and even so he did nothing more to throw his head back, letting his arms rest limply at his lap.
In a lazy pace everyone took their places, changing clothes, using the attached bathroom or just resting quietly. Nothing said besides soft curses of pain and tiredness, and even then, all the attention was attached over the two men in the opposite sides of the room. Minutes passed before a crew member came in, bringing with her another soft towel, some bandages and antiseptics. We all knew what these were for. Kyo’s scratches were still bleeding and needed to be cleaned. The girl handed him said items, just like any other time, and again, I’ve failed to see it coming.
The moment Kyo made a move to uncap the medics his hands were softly stopped by tinier ones. Kyo eyes held Ruki’s in a hard glare, but eventually his grip on the medics faltered, giving it to the other willingly. We all could only watch how our vocalist eyed the younger one with so much force. His eyes didn’t leaving the other, following every single movement of the hand that cleared his chest with care and precision, and our eyes seemed glued to the image that they formed, the way that the two pair of brown orbs locked themselves saying so much that none of us could understand. I kept looking at Kyo, how he let the small singer clean him up in a way he have never let anyone do, the way he watched Ruki, the intensity of the gaze hold that same things we’ve used to see - the possessiveness, the lust - but this time however, his glare didn’t input on us any fear. In opposite to that common feeling that he usually show there, his cold and stoic glare hold nothing more than the same thing that I’ve saw earlier in Ruki’s eyes.
Suddenly the weirdness of the night fell in place, and the complicated puzzle was put together in my mind in the flick of a lighter. I felt the tension going away from my body, leaning casually in the back of my chair and answering a soft ‘nothing’ every time that Die would ask me why the stupid smile.
People say that when you’re inside the storm, it makes you blind and you can’t see the true path ahead of yourself. I really don’t know if they can see what I’ve seen in both their eyes, but if they can’t, then, they surely are very good navigators, because they’ve found a very firm path to walk, no matter how clouded it may look.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
So … that ends the Behind My Closed Eyelids series. I still think I’ll write some companion fics or side stories, but that’s not a promise ;)
I have to thank all the people that followed this series, the kind comments and the constructive critics. This was one of my favorite fics to write until now, it made me fall in love with this pairing and I don’t think I’ll be giving up on then any time soon.
So one more time thank you very much for reading ^.^
Comments are love, like always, and I truly hope all of you enjoyed it as much as I did :)
what do you people think kaoru's amusement is ?
;)
Chapter: one-shot
Author: warumono_girl
Band(s): Dir en Grey x The GazettE
Pairing: KyoxRuki
Rating: Nc-17 in all of them to be safe.
Warnings: none.
Summary: ” It took me some seconds to realize the feelings passing through me. First the uncontrollable urge to make that tiny question, just to ask him if he was mad …”
Word Count: 1.374
Notes: this series was written for j10_ways, this is the epilogue of said story, just as I promised.
()
Hopeful Convictions
Epilogue
Kaoru’s PoV
The live was hard. Maybe the hardest until now, but I’m pretty certain that the feeling of being home one more time was making everyone of us give his best out there. The incredible rising of the crowd showed me enough to know that we’ve succeeded once again.
Barely walking straight we all noticed how bad Kyo seemed. The steps leading to our backstage room were almost dubious. One more concert, one more night, one more successful tour. Just like any other time.
I should have know better, should have know that this night would be nothing like the others since the moment I looked at Kyo’s eyes, and for the first time in so long they answered me back.
I barged in the room first, seeing how everyone else stopped to give our crew one or two words of thanks, and I have to say that what I found when I opened the door was a lot less than what I’ve expected. I didn’t discovered myself in an empty room and neither between one or two of our crew members. No. The petite figure, the one sitting at the long forgotten couch at the corner of the messy room, was far too familiar to me, and at the same time far too much trouble. A trouble that I’ve promise not to put my hand into, I’ve promised it to Kyo and to myself. It was his problem, his life, not mine. But still, seeing said men here, looking to me with that shy smile of his made nothing to calm my sudden nervousness.
It took me some seconds to realize the feelings passing through me. First the uncontrollable urge to make that tiny question, just to ask him if he was mad. Every one of us know more than well what kind of twisted relationship said man has with our vocalist. Everyone knew what comes when things don’t flow as Kyo wishes, and I know more than anything that having him here were surely not Kyo’s way. The feelings started to mix, the question started to fade and the apprehension started to build in time with the louder sound of foot steps getting near. I was almost sure that the night would not going to end well. I could see how Kyo would frown upon seeing him here, how he would quickly change from that sated smile to that enraged scowl. I could feel how hard he would tug the other away, impeding him from sparing any word to him or anyone else, and once they got away from us, I was pretty sure that whichever would be the younger punishment, it would be harsh and not kind at all. Not exactly the end that I’ve wanted for our night returning home.
I kept my gaze locked with his, looking, searching for something, anything, regret, fear, anything we’ve become used to see in those deep brown eyes, but in the end I could see nothing. Nothing but an unmistakable feeling, one that got me pitying him in a way I know I shouldn’t.
I’ve got too worked up on my musings, missing the moment when my band mates passed trough that same door, everyone in their usual post concert state. Toshyia was bugging the world out of everyone, even if his tiredness was perfectly shown at his face. Die was smiling and thanking everyone in his line of vision, showing that adorable smile of his without any shame. Shinya, always quieter than the rest of us, seemed to be the first one to notice that I wasn’t alone in the room. His babbling with our bassist stopped on the moment he saw the other vocalist on the couch. His face seemed as shocked as mine, however, always the polite one, the only reaction he gave was a soft nod and a polite greeting.
That made everyone attention turns to the room, the gazes, passing over me on the counter chair, fell on the small form on the couch. As if in an attempt of an explanation, I received more than one look, eyes that said everything. Fearful silent voices and soundless questions that would have never expected what was about to happen.
We all heard Kyo’s soft growl at being denied passage and rest, and with a forceful shove the small blond made his way past our shocked band mates, looking over me as if I had grown a second head, a clear question as why was everyone pulled in the room’s entrance.
I dismissed him softly with a move of my hands, going back to the task of ignoring everyone else; in a false pretend of just watching the final upcoming. I could feel Shinya’s gaze burning my neck with worry, and at the same time I tried hard to tell myself that whatever happens here, it’s not my place to take a side.
The anxiety in the room got heavier and heavier, every one eyeing Kyo softly. What none of us expected though was his reaction. He looked at the room, searching the commotion motive, and even if his eyes locked with Ruki’s, both men said nothing. A soft nod was shared, as a quietly acknowledge of each other, and then, Kyo was taking a seat in the empty chair besides me, a water bottle in hand and a towel in the other. I’m certain that he could feel everyone gaze at him and even so he did nothing more to throw his head back, letting his arms rest limply at his lap.
In a lazy pace everyone took their places, changing clothes, using the attached bathroom or just resting quietly. Nothing said besides soft curses of pain and tiredness, and even then, all the attention was attached over the two men in the opposite sides of the room. Minutes passed before a crew member came in, bringing with her another soft towel, some bandages and antiseptics. We all knew what these were for. Kyo’s scratches were still bleeding and needed to be cleaned. The girl handed him said items, just like any other time, and again, I’ve failed to see it coming.
The moment Kyo made a move to uncap the medics his hands were softly stopped by tinier ones. Kyo eyes held Ruki’s in a hard glare, but eventually his grip on the medics faltered, giving it to the other willingly. We all could only watch how our vocalist eyed the younger one with so much force. His eyes didn’t leaving the other, following every single movement of the hand that cleared his chest with care and precision, and our eyes seemed glued to the image that they formed, the way that the two pair of brown orbs locked themselves saying so much that none of us could understand. I kept looking at Kyo, how he let the small singer clean him up in a way he have never let anyone do, the way he watched Ruki, the intensity of the gaze hold that same things we’ve used to see - the possessiveness, the lust - but this time however, his glare didn’t input on us any fear. In opposite to that common feeling that he usually show there, his cold and stoic glare hold nothing more than the same thing that I’ve saw earlier in Ruki’s eyes.
Suddenly the weirdness of the night fell in place, and the complicated puzzle was put together in my mind in the flick of a lighter. I felt the tension going away from my body, leaning casually in the back of my chair and answering a soft ‘nothing’ every time that Die would ask me why the stupid smile.
People say that when you’re inside the storm, it makes you blind and you can’t see the true path ahead of yourself. I really don’t know if they can see what I’ve seen in both their eyes, but if they can’t, then, they surely are very good navigators, because they’ve found a very firm path to walk, no matter how clouded it may look.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
So … that ends the Behind My Closed Eyelids series. I still think I’ll write some companion fics or side stories, but that’s not a promise ;)
I have to thank all the people that followed this series, the kind comments and the constructive critics. This was one of my favorite fics to write until now, it made me fall in love with this pairing and I don’t think I’ll be giving up on then any time soon.
So one more time thank you very much for reading ^.^
Comments are love, like always, and I truly hope all of you enjoyed it as much as I did :)
what do you people think kaoru's amusement is ?
;)