what is flirtation?
it is true that the heaviest of burdens crushes us, we sink beneath it, and it pins us to the ground. but in the love poetry of every age, the woman longs to be weighed down by the man's body. therefore, the heaviest of burdens is simultaneously an image of life's most intense fulfillment. the heavier the burden, the closer our lives come to the earth, the more real and truthful they become.
it is nearly midnight now, and the slow weight of sleepiness is pressing on my eyelids. the last time i was this tired, i slinked under my sheets and rolled onto my back, thinking, "this feels so good to feel so awfully exhausted, i can almost sense a magnetic force pulling my body to the bed!" now that i'm in such a state again, i'm weak at the knees, collapsing once, then twice, as the lights dim and my breathing slows. monday is so soon, too soon, and in the morning i'm up at six to dress. the only benefit lately is the soft, northwestern breeze that oftentimes flows in through my open window. i sleep with the glass pulled to the side; the waves and trains become distant lullabies, and the cold evening air soothes my clanking nerves into slumber. but in the morning, as i have said, the gentle warmth of urban spring floats and circles about my bedroom. the sunlight filters in to turn the walls a pale shade of lavender, and the newness of the day draws up the scent of crabtree and evelyn, of sandalwood. the most difficult thing for me tonight is to realize that all the anticipatory burdens i expect for tomorrow will somehow feel pleasant. the pressure, the fulfillment, the languid peace of wind that blows in over the water and the gradual awakening; these things will soon allow my tense and aching flesh and bones to relax. soon, very soon, text books will close for the season and i will spend time walking with no purpose through the heated city. anxieties will melt as empty ambition and complacent appreciation take the place of worry. once again, it is as if i can feel the melodies and intentions of spring stretching out across my body.