Recently
Recently, you've been putting me through hell in my heart. And I don't even know why. I shouldn't be feeling this way, but with you, I can't help but feel this way. The craziest part is, I don't even think it's love, but it isn't a petty like. I've been battling with whether to tell you or not for so long, longer than I'd like to admit, and still I've come up with nothing. You make me feel weak, and I hate it. I don't like feeling vulnerable like you make me feel, and I try to tell myself it's just a small crack in my soul, but my soul is a fortress, and any crack is a big one. You're a jerk that everyone loves to love, it's just who you are, but when it comes to me, you're never cold, never give me a reason to hate you, or even get annoyed by you. I try and think of all of your flaws, and I only have one, you're the impossible one, the one that I want so bad, but know I can never have, the one that I want to know if you feel remotely the way I feel, but I'm crippled if I even think about asking. What have you done to me? Why have you made me so weak? Am I reading to much in to it when I hear from others that you hate talking to others on the phone, but if I call we talk for hours? Am I being obsessive if I think that it may be a sign that I'm the one person that you're close to that you're still kind to? Am I cynical when I pray that you mean something when you seem interested in what I do, and when you want to go where I go, see movies you've already seen because I'm going to see them for the first time? Why do you do this to me? You, the impossible one, the unattainable one, it's like thirsting for water in the middle of the Sahara, it's folly to want something so bad. But there's still that chance right? So, should I hope for you? Or not? Should I forget you? Should I ask you how you feel about me? Should I pour out my soul, leaving myself truly vulnerable, something that I don't do, because I can't bear to be hurt by someone that I care for? WHAT?