hmm.
so.
i know a lot of people around me are not in touch with their "first love" anymore. i guess i'm lucky in a way that my first love is practically a neighbor and that we still maintain contact with each other. tonight, a lot of people were contacting me to meet up (which oddly happens every time my boyfriend flies back to New York). i put aside most of them because my "first love" texted me for a nightcap. i only said yes because i haven't seen him for several months now and seeing him is somehow a validation. this is how far you've gone.
this is how far i've come.
i am no longer the little 19-year old girl whose knees would literally shake upon receiving a goddamn text message from him.
"tara." he said. i said yes. if only to see him, if only to see how far i've come.
he shows up with his friend outside my office building (where his office is located as well) and we head to a nearby gas station where we used to have nightcaps before. a lot of talk and bullcrap fly by over the beer we order, one after another. he mentions how much skinnier i am now. what a far cry from before, when he would insult me within the first ten minutes upon seeing me.
"how's your boyfriend?" he asks and i answer him, "he just left this Monday."
he smiles. "are you guys gonna get married?" i smile back and say, "i sure hope so."
"i heard you have a girlfriend now." i say, to which he replies, "chismis lang yon no."
he asks me to set him up with another girl.
he accidentally spills beer on my feet and proceeds to wipe my feet dry with tissue. i smile, thinking of how sweet it was of him. you have to understand, i fell in love with him before, all the while thinking that he's one of the worst assholes the world has to offer.
"i know you. i can't just set you up with someone." i say. his friend laughs. he goes, "why not? you never complained about me before. was i not worth it for you?"
i do not acknowledge this.
when we're about to leave, he stands up and says to me, "you smell good. i like it." i wonder what he's really thinking, or what he's up to.
they drive me home. i'm trying to call my brother but the bastard is not answering his phone. i do not have a key to this humongous gate. he gets out of the car, telling me that he'll go over the gate to open it for me from the inside. i'm so astounded that i don't say anything else, i just watch.
and he does it. he goes over our gate, joking half the time, and manages to open it for me. i cannot fucking believe it.
this guy, who used to drive me home to this place countless times before and never bothered to open the car door for me, just did the almost-unimaginable.
i am astounded. he opens the gate and i go inside. i give him a kiss on the cheek and say "thank you, goodnight."
he goes back to the car and they drive away. i am still astounded. but i am not surprised when he texts me afterwards saying he deserves a reward. i'm used to him already.
i tell him, "you're so fucken weird. and i will always love you for it."
i mean every word.
there's loving a person and there's being in love with another.
i've come so far and i'm not in love with him anymore. that, for me, is growing up.
i know a lot of people around me are not in touch with their "first love" anymore. i guess i'm lucky in a way that my first love is practically a neighbor and that we still maintain contact with each other. tonight, a lot of people were contacting me to meet up (which oddly happens every time my boyfriend flies back to New York). i put aside most of them because my "first love" texted me for a nightcap. i only said yes because i haven't seen him for several months now and seeing him is somehow a validation. this is how far you've gone.
this is how far i've come.
i am no longer the little 19-year old girl whose knees would literally shake upon receiving a goddamn text message from him.
"tara." he said. i said yes. if only to see him, if only to see how far i've come.
he shows up with his friend outside my office building (where his office is located as well) and we head to a nearby gas station where we used to have nightcaps before. a lot of talk and bullcrap fly by over the beer we order, one after another. he mentions how much skinnier i am now. what a far cry from before, when he would insult me within the first ten minutes upon seeing me.
"how's your boyfriend?" he asks and i answer him, "he just left this Monday."
he smiles. "are you guys gonna get married?" i smile back and say, "i sure hope so."
"i heard you have a girlfriend now." i say, to which he replies, "chismis lang yon no."
he asks me to set him up with another girl.
he accidentally spills beer on my feet and proceeds to wipe my feet dry with tissue. i smile, thinking of how sweet it was of him. you have to understand, i fell in love with him before, all the while thinking that he's one of the worst assholes the world has to offer.
"i know you. i can't just set you up with someone." i say. his friend laughs. he goes, "why not? you never complained about me before. was i not worth it for you?"
i do not acknowledge this.
when we're about to leave, he stands up and says to me, "you smell good. i like it." i wonder what he's really thinking, or what he's up to.
they drive me home. i'm trying to call my brother but the bastard is not answering his phone. i do not have a key to this humongous gate. he gets out of the car, telling me that he'll go over the gate to open it for me from the inside. i'm so astounded that i don't say anything else, i just watch.
and he does it. he goes over our gate, joking half the time, and manages to open it for me. i cannot fucking believe it.
this guy, who used to drive me home to this place countless times before and never bothered to open the car door for me, just did the almost-unimaginable.
i am astounded. he opens the gate and i go inside. i give him a kiss on the cheek and say "thank you, goodnight."
he goes back to the car and they drive away. i am still astounded. but i am not surprised when he texts me afterwards saying he deserves a reward. i'm used to him already.
i tell him, "you're so fucken weird. and i will always love you for it."
i mean every word.
there's loving a person and there's being in love with another.
i've come so far and i'm not in love with him anymore. that, for me, is growing up.