*sigh*
he already left for NY early this Monday morning. he walked me to McDo Greenbelt at 530am where i was going to meet up with Chrysmas (in hopes of cushioning my Back To Reality fall). after our customary awkward "goodbyes" (awkward because we always border on cool-and-collected and stop-me-from-crying modes), i watched him walk away and fought all urges to run after him and try to convince him to stay.
i was an idiot to hope that it'll be easier this time, that somehow i would be more used to the notion of him leaving yet again. i was obviously wrong. despite the fact that i've been crying considerably less, the whole dance leading to his departure still hurts. it's still hard to breathe, i'm still getting used to his hand not being near enough to hold onto, i still wake up unnerved with the realization that his sleeping figure is not within my reach and not being able to smell that certain mix of John Varvatos and his sweat kills me. funny how one's absence turns the emptiness into something unbearably heavy.
..an empty bed in a cold bedroom.
"A stranger with a door key,
explaining that I'm just visiting.
And I am finally seeing
why I was the one worth leaving."
-"District Sleeps Alone Tonight"
The Postal Service
then again, he certainly thinks i'm worth coming back to.
there's no reason to remain this sad for long. and besides.. February, Iza.. February. it's nearer than you think.
i was an idiot to hope that it'll be easier this time, that somehow i would be more used to the notion of him leaving yet again. i was obviously wrong. despite the fact that i've been crying considerably less, the whole dance leading to his departure still hurts. it's still hard to breathe, i'm still getting used to his hand not being near enough to hold onto, i still wake up unnerved with the realization that his sleeping figure is not within my reach and not being able to smell that certain mix of John Varvatos and his sweat kills me. funny how one's absence turns the emptiness into something unbearably heavy.
..an empty bed in a cold bedroom.
"A stranger with a door key,
explaining that I'm just visiting.
And I am finally seeing
why I was the one worth leaving."
-"District Sleeps Alone Tonight"
The Postal Service
then again, he certainly thinks i'm worth coming back to.
there's no reason to remain this sad for long. and besides.. February, Iza.. February. it's nearer than you think.