(no subject)
i just had breakfast with a cousin who i haven't seen since 2000. she's my age and from florida. she was living with her boyfriend of 3 years until they broke up just this october. what did she do shortly afterwards? she got a tattoo on her left foot and a boob job.
at first i thought that she just heinously gained a lot of weight and thus filled out up there but over a cigarette just before we hit the buffet table, she told me that she had them done. oh-kay. i didn't bother asking her for reasons. she looked very proud of her "new babies" and i couldn't help but contemplate over my own (or lack thereof).
i suddenly remembered this piece i wrote a few years back.. there's a part that went:
"maybe a little lace can uplift me. black lace worn over my skin. but then i'd search for hands to touch me, worship me, even. lips to kiss me and make me feel needed, even for just an hour. another body's warmth to cancel out the coldness i've been feeling. and something else to fill me: words and temporary intimacy..
..maybe a good boob job and valiums downed with red wine would do wonders for my sanity. then the black lace will follow. and hopefully, so will the rest, including happiness.."
i'm crossing my fingers that i wouldn't need plastic surgery to make me happy. so far though, i don't think i'd be needing to go under the knife for a shot of endorphins. and last week, i bought deliciously wicked black lace from the undercolors of benetton. now all i need is someone.. to have red wine with. and he's coming home. soon enough.
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is this it? the holidays that kids have been waiting for, finances have dreaded the whole year, that caused traffic to make the city more unbearable to live in?
you know you're getting old when the christmas season doesn't spark a sense of excitement in you anymore. lately, the only thing i've been liking about it is the chilly weather (that, along with my nasty smoking habit, granted me the flu) and the pretty pretty lights making the streets seem like miniature galaxies (that we all know, could sadly cause tragedies). and what does that mean, when the only things i like about the season are toxic ones?
it means i've lost touch. recently i get epiphanies about losing touch with more things than i thought. old friends. small virtues. healthy eating habits. a decent body clock. alcohol tolerance. dreams and ambitions. and drive.
luckily, i haven't turned jaded. i continue to receive daily blessings and these are things i am thankful for all year, things that shine brighter than christmas lights and do not burn at all.
my friends are still on top of my list. knowing and incorporating them all into the madness that is my life has made every year of existence on this planet altogether.. interesting.. to say the very least.
so i'm thankful.. eternally grateful on how they, unwittingly or not, shaped me into what i am now (weight gain notwithstanding). as for this season, whatever your reasons are for celebrating, i hope you don't forget the simplicity that is essential in all things magical. bring out the fruitcake. blow out the candles before you sleep. save the gift wrap for next year's festivities. spread the love.. just not the disease :)
i, meanwhile, am taking calls tonight. Lord grant me the patience and grace to handle prank callers out for cheap phone sex. AMEN.
at first i thought that she just heinously gained a lot of weight and thus filled out up there but over a cigarette just before we hit the buffet table, she told me that she had them done. oh-kay. i didn't bother asking her for reasons. she looked very proud of her "new babies" and i couldn't help but contemplate over my own (or lack thereof).
i suddenly remembered this piece i wrote a few years back.. there's a part that went:
"maybe a little lace can uplift me. black lace worn over my skin. but then i'd search for hands to touch me, worship me, even. lips to kiss me and make me feel needed, even for just an hour. another body's warmth to cancel out the coldness i've been feeling. and something else to fill me: words and temporary intimacy..
..maybe a good boob job and valiums downed with red wine would do wonders for my sanity. then the black lace will follow. and hopefully, so will the rest, including happiness.."
i'm crossing my fingers that i wouldn't need plastic surgery to make me happy. so far though, i don't think i'd be needing to go under the knife for a shot of endorphins. and last week, i bought deliciously wicked black lace from the undercolors of benetton. now all i need is someone.. to have red wine with. and he's coming home. soon enough.
* * *
* * *
is this it? the holidays that kids have been waiting for, finances have dreaded the whole year, that caused traffic to make the city more unbearable to live in?
you know you're getting old when the christmas season doesn't spark a sense of excitement in you anymore. lately, the only thing i've been liking about it is the chilly weather (that, along with my nasty smoking habit, granted me the flu) and the pretty pretty lights making the streets seem like miniature galaxies (that we all know, could sadly cause tragedies). and what does that mean, when the only things i like about the season are toxic ones?
it means i've lost touch. recently i get epiphanies about losing touch with more things than i thought. old friends. small virtues. healthy eating habits. a decent body clock. alcohol tolerance. dreams and ambitions. and drive.
luckily, i haven't turned jaded. i continue to receive daily blessings and these are things i am thankful for all year, things that shine brighter than christmas lights and do not burn at all.
my friends are still on top of my list. knowing and incorporating them all into the madness that is my life has made every year of existence on this planet altogether.. interesting.. to say the very least.
so i'm thankful.. eternally grateful on how they, unwittingly or not, shaped me into what i am now (weight gain notwithstanding). as for this season, whatever your reasons are for celebrating, i hope you don't forget the simplicity that is essential in all things magical. bring out the fruitcake. blow out the candles before you sleep. save the gift wrap for next year's festivities. spread the love.. just not the disease :)
i, meanwhile, am taking calls tonight. Lord grant me the patience and grace to handle prank callers out for cheap phone sex. AMEN.