growing up (kind of).
i just finished my college newspaper career.
as ecstatic as i am, change freaks me out. and i feel weird about never returning to a place i co-ran. and as much as i hate journalism, and know it's not for me, i was doing the one thing i love - editing - and leaving that behind to move on to other things, that i may not love, is slightly terrifying. i was lucky. i actually worked in a field i love. i hope my dreams of becoming an editor come true, again.
with only two weeks left in the semester i feel... weird.
i need this year to end and for summer to come. but it won't be much of a break. i'll be working as a journalist/reporter - exactly what i don't want to do. i did the journalism thing, for two years, and i am more than burnt out. i know i don't want to pursue this for a career, whatsoever. but sometimes i fear that is the road i am being pushed down. and in these times, shouldn't i just be happy i have something? shouldn't i just "take what i can get"? sometimes i'm not so sure.
i'm starting to realize i shouldn't have been so impulsive. one afternoon i applied to a few internships/jobs for the summer out of fear. i didn't even expect to hear back from any. and i did. and i got the job. i nailed the interview. but now i'm realizing, once i found out what the job was really about (since they sort of lied about what i'd be doing...) and that my bosses are rather disorganized, that i may have made a mistake. why didn't i apply to volunteer at a local library? since i am seriously considering going for my master's in library science. that way i would find out if it is truly something i'd like to pursue...
i'll still be working my shit summer job when i can. and i wish i could just do that. because at this point, i need money in order to move on with the next phase of my life, come december. i don't know where i am going to end up. and i need money to secure myself for then.
and vacation time seems few and far between, if even possible. and that isn't going to work. because i cannot go three months without seeing mc. that isn't a possibility.
and most of my class is graduating in the next couple weeks. and i won't be able to attend any of their graduations or parties because i leave the day before to start reporting for my internship. i may never see most of these people again. and come december, when it's my turn to graduate, i will not have any sort of ceremony. i will not have any closure. loyola will mail me my diploma, after all this money and those sleepless nights. yeah, merry christmas to you too...
i am very torn. and burnt out. and i don't know what road to choose. should i quit my internship i've barely started? is it too late to apply to volunteer at libraries, if i do quit? i have never quit something. i don't know how. and i don't know if i am able to based on my personal beliefs.
crossroads. change. uncertainty.
as ecstatic as i am, change freaks me out. and i feel weird about never returning to a place i co-ran. and as much as i hate journalism, and know it's not for me, i was doing the one thing i love - editing - and leaving that behind to move on to other things, that i may not love, is slightly terrifying. i was lucky. i actually worked in a field i love. i hope my dreams of becoming an editor come true, again.
with only two weeks left in the semester i feel... weird.
i need this year to end and for summer to come. but it won't be much of a break. i'll be working as a journalist/reporter - exactly what i don't want to do. i did the journalism thing, for two years, and i am more than burnt out. i know i don't want to pursue this for a career, whatsoever. but sometimes i fear that is the road i am being pushed down. and in these times, shouldn't i just be happy i have something? shouldn't i just "take what i can get"? sometimes i'm not so sure.
i'm starting to realize i shouldn't have been so impulsive. one afternoon i applied to a few internships/jobs for the summer out of fear. i didn't even expect to hear back from any. and i did. and i got the job. i nailed the interview. but now i'm realizing, once i found out what the job was really about (since they sort of lied about what i'd be doing...) and that my bosses are rather disorganized, that i may have made a mistake. why didn't i apply to volunteer at a local library? since i am seriously considering going for my master's in library science. that way i would find out if it is truly something i'd like to pursue...
i'll still be working my shit summer job when i can. and i wish i could just do that. because at this point, i need money in order to move on with the next phase of my life, come december. i don't know where i am going to end up. and i need money to secure myself for then.
and vacation time seems few and far between, if even possible. and that isn't going to work. because i cannot go three months without seeing mc. that isn't a possibility.
and most of my class is graduating in the next couple weeks. and i won't be able to attend any of their graduations or parties because i leave the day before to start reporting for my internship. i may never see most of these people again. and come december, when it's my turn to graduate, i will not have any sort of ceremony. i will not have any closure. loyola will mail me my diploma, after all this money and those sleepless nights. yeah, merry christmas to you too...
i am very torn. and burnt out. and i don't know what road to choose. should i quit my internship i've barely started? is it too late to apply to volunteer at libraries, if i do quit? i have never quit something. i don't know how. and i don't know if i am able to based on my personal beliefs.
crossroads. change. uncertainty.