goal: take down the jonas brothers.
i didn't see the grammy performance live...
you know, the one i'm talking about:
stevie wonder featuring the jonas brothers.
but i received a text while at work as this disgusting act occurred for all the world to see.
i have many problems with this collaboration:
1). the jonas brothers. need i really say more?
2). musical greats haven't even had the opportunity to perform with the legendary stevie wonder. so why the hell were three teenagers who can't really sing/are just this generation's boy band allowed to share a stage with stevie? this is really beyond me.
3). stevie wonder is one of the only original motown records artists STILL on the label. but does motown records still reside in Detroit? no. if it wasn't relocated to L.A. years ago and the legacy still lived on in the D, this shit would have NOT happened. but alas, once again L.A. has brainwashed yet another aspect of what was once the glory of music.
4). i don't know their names, but one FORGOT the words to "SUPERSTITION". if you're going to perform with stevie wonder you damn well better have that shit memorized. IT'S "SUPERSTITION" for christ's sake. way to go jo ho #... wherever you fall in the line of birth between the three of your sorry asses.
5). the jonas brothers cannot sing. i repeat, CANNOT sing. at least not "superstition", that's for damn sure. it was like watching prepubescent boys screeching and attempting to swoon ladies with their cracking voices. meaning, the only outcomes were laughter and cringing. followed by possibly the covering of ears.
6). WHAT THE FUCK?
if you didn't have a chance to see this disgusting atrocity, here is a link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiTY516wDnM
although this catastrophe invoked tears, screams, and air punches...
a plan has been set in action already.
my friend P and i have decided to take down the jonas brothers.
one
by
one.
this calls for only three things: scandal, drugs, and sex.
THE PLAN:
1). acquire video camera, drugs (preferably speed [for us, because this plan will have us working around the clock] and roofies or other drugs which impede the memory), and the address of the hotel the jonas brothers will be staying at during their next siege upon chicago.
2). going to the concert to trick the brothers into friendship is out of the question, we refuse to pay for such shit. so to the hotel we go!
3). show the jonas brothers we want to be friends. become friends (in only their eyes, obviously) with the jonas brothers.
4). either unknowingly (to them) slip drugs into drinks, food, etc. or get them very drunk and convince them that alllll the cool kids are snorting coke (sniff*sniff).
5). once they've consumed more drugs than they have in their entire, sheltered lives... we attack!
6). P seduces the lead singer, the one with the straight long hair, you know... the one all the pre-teen and the way-too-old-for-this-boy-band-mania ladies go ga-ga over. the act is filmed and sent the next morning to all major news/gossip outlets. it'll be the band's lance-bass-of-n'sync-esque coming out story. genius.
7). i will seduce the "ugly one", whichever one that is. but i've heard talk in public transportation, around campus, etc. about an "ugly one" and i've decided he is most definitely the weakest link. this act is also filmed and exposed to all major news/gossip outlets as the OH-NO-HE-VIOLATED-HIS-CHASTITY-VOW scandal. this one will receive the most press and he will be condemned by all chastity-loving people alike... also known as most of their fan base. genius, pure fucking genius.
8). the jonas brothers' reputation/career is ruined, honor is restored to motown records and stevie wonder's reputation/career.
9). the world, once again, is safe from leech-y pop music twerps.
10). i can listen to "superstition" without tearing up.
finis.
you know, the one i'm talking about:
stevie wonder featuring the jonas brothers.
but i received a text while at work as this disgusting act occurred for all the world to see.
i have many problems with this collaboration:
1). the jonas brothers. need i really say more?
2). musical greats haven't even had the opportunity to perform with the legendary stevie wonder. so why the hell were three teenagers who can't really sing/are just this generation's boy band allowed to share a stage with stevie? this is really beyond me.
3). stevie wonder is one of the only original motown records artists STILL on the label. but does motown records still reside in Detroit? no. if it wasn't relocated to L.A. years ago and the legacy still lived on in the D, this shit would have NOT happened. but alas, once again L.A. has brainwashed yet another aspect of what was once the glory of music.
4). i don't know their names, but one FORGOT the words to "SUPERSTITION". if you're going to perform with stevie wonder you damn well better have that shit memorized. IT'S "SUPERSTITION" for christ's sake. way to go jo ho #... wherever you fall in the line of birth between the three of your sorry asses.
5). the jonas brothers cannot sing. i repeat, CANNOT sing. at least not "superstition", that's for damn sure. it was like watching prepubescent boys screeching and attempting to swoon ladies with their cracking voices. meaning, the only outcomes were laughter and cringing. followed by possibly the covering of ears.
6). WHAT THE FUCK?
if you didn't have a chance to see this disgusting atrocity, here is a link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiTY516wDnM
although this catastrophe invoked tears, screams, and air punches...
a plan has been set in action already.
my friend P and i have decided to take down the jonas brothers.
one
by
one.
this calls for only three things: scandal, drugs, and sex.
THE PLAN:
1). acquire video camera, drugs (preferably speed [for us, because this plan will have us working around the clock] and roofies or other drugs which impede the memory), and the address of the hotel the jonas brothers will be staying at during their next siege upon chicago.
2). going to the concert to trick the brothers into friendship is out of the question, we refuse to pay for such shit. so to the hotel we go!
3). show the jonas brothers we want to be friends. become friends (in only their eyes, obviously) with the jonas brothers.
4). either unknowingly (to them) slip drugs into drinks, food, etc. or get them very drunk and convince them that alllll the cool kids are snorting coke (sniff*sniff).
5). once they've consumed more drugs than they have in their entire, sheltered lives... we attack!
6). P seduces the lead singer, the one with the straight long hair, you know... the one all the pre-teen and the way-too-old-for-this-boy-band-mania ladies go ga-ga over. the act is filmed and sent the next morning to all major news/gossip outlets. it'll be the band's lance-bass-of-n'sync-esque coming out story. genius.
7). i will seduce the "ugly one", whichever one that is. but i've heard talk in public transportation, around campus, etc. about an "ugly one" and i've decided he is most definitely the weakest link. this act is also filmed and exposed to all major news/gossip outlets as the OH-NO-HE-VIOLATED-HIS-CHASTITY-VOW scandal. this one will receive the most press and he will be condemned by all chastity-loving people alike... also known as most of their fan base. genius, pure fucking genius.
8). the jonas brothers' reputation/career is ruined, honor is restored to motown records and stevie wonder's reputation/career.
9). the world, once again, is safe from leech-y pop music twerps.
10). i can listen to "superstition" without tearing up.
finis.