excuse me, i believe you just got burned.
If y'all haven't heard about it yet already, the White House Correspondents Dinner was this past weekend. And, um...
'Sup, Stephen Colbert?!
For real. I want to have that man's babies. STAT.
For those of you who are unaware, Stephen Colbert (of Comedy Central's lovely Colbert Reporrrrr, hahaha) was the last speaker of the night. And the man stood at the podium, a mere two seats away from Mr. POTUS himself (haha, West Wing flashback - "Tell your friend POTUS he has a funny name.")...and verbally bitchslapped the President, the Vice President, the entire administration and the press who have gotten quite lazy about doing their jobs.
By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
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Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.
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I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
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And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
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Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
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I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
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As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.
But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.
But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!
(ROTFLMAO)
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This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!
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It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
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Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption.
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Yes. I'm in love. Full transcript of his speech is here, along with links to watch streaming video of it.
I'm telling you, him and Jon Stewart...geniuses. Much love.
Be Be Your Love: I've seen several people on my flist mention Rachael Yamagata here and there, and I ended up getting her album Happenstance just the other night. And holy my god. I'm in love. Thank you to any of you who mentioned her, because that's why I ended up checking her out when she came up in the recommendations section for me in the iTunes music store. The whole album is fantastic.
Hope you are all well. I love you all. :)
'Sup, Stephen Colbert?!
For real. I want to have that man's babies. STAT.
For those of you who are unaware, Stephen Colbert (of Comedy Central's lovely Colbert Reporrrrr, hahaha) was the last speaker of the night. And the man stood at the podium, a mere two seats away from Mr. POTUS himself (haha, West Wing flashback - "Tell your friend POTUS he has a funny name.")...and verbally bitchslapped the President, the Vice President, the entire administration and the press who have gotten quite lazy about doing their jobs.
By the way, before I get started, if anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Somebody from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.
++
Every night on my show, the Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, OK? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it the "No Fact Zone." Fox News, I hold a copyright on that term.
++
I believe the government that governs best is the government that governs least. And by these standards, we have set up a fabulous government in Iraq.
++
And though I am a committed Christian, I believe that everyone has the right to their own religion, be you Hindu, Jewish or Muslim. I believe there are infinite paths to accepting Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
++
Now, I know there are some polls out there saying this man has a 32% approval rating. But guys like us, we don't pay attention to the polls. We know that polls are just a collection of statistics that reflect what people are thinking in "reality." And reality has a well-known liberal bias.
++
I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound -- with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA)
++
As excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News. Fox News gives you both sides of every story: the president's side, and the vice president's side.
But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on NSA wiretapping or secret prisons in eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason: they're super-depressing. And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good -- over tax cuts, WMD intelligence, the effect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew.
But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know - fiction!
(ROTFLMAO)
++
This administration is not sinking. This administration is soaring. If anything, they are rearranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg!
++
It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.
++
Mayor Nagin is here from New Orleans, the chocolate city! Yeah, give it up. Mayor Nagin, I'd like to welcome you to Washington, D.C., the chocolate city with a marshmallow center. And a graham cracker crust of corruption.
++
Yes. I'm in love. Full transcript of his speech is here, along with links to watch streaming video of it.
I'm telling you, him and Jon Stewart...geniuses. Much love.
Be Be Your Love: I've seen several people on my flist mention Rachael Yamagata here and there, and I ended up getting her album Happenstance just the other night. And holy my god. I'm in love. Thank you to any of you who mentioned her, because that's why I ended up checking her out when she came up in the recommendations section for me in the iTunes music store. The whole album is fantastic.
Hope you are all well. I love you all. :)